I have every reason to hate Eishen Kerr. 

The magic of the Shadehands is both a unique gift and a great curse. Those who can perform it at its most basic levels are capable of darkening rooms. Once it's further understood, they can create orbs of light. 

But once it is mastered, Shadehands can use their magic to bring the idea of snuffing out light to the metaphorical level. To reach into people's lifewell and darken it. Everyone has a lifewell- an aura of sorts that shines brightly with not only personality, but also lifespan and health. 

To the Kerr family, this ability comes all too naturally.

When Eishen and I were young, I had an accident. The wheel of my bicycle got caught between two cobblestones on one of the city's thousand narrow bridges stretched over small canals, sending me flying, leaving a cut on my face that bled profusely. I still remember the warm blood in my neck. But accidents happened. We weren't far from home, Missus Kerr could have helped me.

As I was looking up at the stars, Eishen promptly joined my side, frantically trying to stop the blood seeping from my face. Their mother had been teaching them about the lifewell - if they could make both a space and the lifewell dark, why couldn't they make them both lighter? That was the logic, at least. I knew it, Eish knew it, only I had never seen them use such magic. Eishen had a lot to learn.

"Eishen, what are you-"

"Shush, Theo, I got this."

They peered into my eyes until, I suppose, they saw my lifewell. Later, they told me it was a beautiful, rare green with the smallest hint of blue. They told me they reached out to it, and followed the steps they had learned to create light - imagining it amplified. 

At first, it seemed to be working - the cut on my face turned into a scar that ran from my jaw to my brow. Some call it 'charming', of all things... But soon after, a deep, deep pain started building in my body. All I could do was reach out and grasp onto Eishen's outstretched hand.

"Stop! Stop it hurts!" I couldn't help but yell.

"Just a little more-"

"Eishen, please!" The pain started to take over my entire sense of self. I had no idea what was wrong, but whatever Eishen was doing was far, far darker than any magic they were meant to do.

Of course, they didn't listen - if they could just press on a little longer, maybe the scar would vanish. Eishen had always been like that; why not try a little more. It could work, so why not try? Idiot... I almost always admired that side of them, but sometimes, it went too far.


I knew what they were thinking; that our families didn't need to know that I got hurt at all. 

Besides, the faint tingle that came with performing magic was an odd satisfaction Eishen liked to chase. They still do, I know it.

They always compared it to clarity.


I told them it was nothing short of insanity.

"EISHEN, GET OFF OF ME!" I pushed them away from me, not caring if they got hurt in the process. The pain I was in was too much to care.

That was enough to shake Eishen out of their trance. They immediately let go of me and took a step back, their face pale and full of worry. 

My cuts were healed, only leaving blood on my clothes and a set of jagged scars across my face as a reminder of the evening. I always loved a souvenier.

That, and a new strand of silver-white hair in my brown curls.


Just another thing people now call 'charming'. Or 'unique'. Or even 'sexy'.


Whatever.

Eishen didn't know when their magic went from healing to hurting - they used to claim they both felt too similar to each other. Sometimes, healing was painful. Sometimes, things needed to break before being improved. 

"What did I do..?" To their credit, they genuinely looked distraught.

"I told you that you were hurting me!" 

"I'm sorry, Theo, I thought I could help better-" 

I stood up and took a step away from my friend. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of the one I was raised with. I looked away from them and glanced at my bicycle, broken on the ground. 

"We need to go home. It's too late to walk alone. But don't talk to me." 

"Theo-" 

"I said; don't." 

That evening, we didn't exchange another word. It was our first argument.

And yet, the next morning, we spoke over breakfast like nothing happened.

We were only nine summers old, after all. They were - and still are - my best friend. I love them dearly. I always have.

"Theodore, what happened to your hair?" My mother asked the moment we got home, examining the new scars on my face. Eishen's mother started fussing over me too, before she started questioning Eishen. We were not supposed to be out in Leylen so late at night. "Darling, are you okay? How did this happen?" 

I locked eyes with Eishen's golden gaze. 

"I got hurt."