(Madison)

I’m in my room in the clinic, and I want to go to sleep. I’m tired, and I am tired of this place. I just want to get away, and spend time with Peter, but… he’s with me, only, he doesn’t feel like how he does when I dream with him. It’s almost like maybe that I really shouldn’t trust him, but I still refuse to believe that fully. Not when they keep telling me that the memories I have of us together aren’t even mine. I don’t want to believe that they are a trick from Peter to make me believe I’m Iris.

No, they have to be mine. He has to be mine.

He means too much to me for it all to not be real.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling wondering if maybe I can make myself dream of Peter tonight somehow. The one that feels right. But there’s a knock on my door that takes me out of my head. When I get to the door, I finally find a reason to not be so tired today as Connor is at my door. I can tell it’s Connor by the smile on his face. It’s bigger and almost happier than the others. Somehow, he makes me happy when I’m not.

“Hey.” I say as I smile too.

“Hey, this is for you.”

He hands me a snicker, and it makes me feel even better.

I love snickers!

Maybe… Maybe I should try a little harder today.

Doctor Hagen wanted me to spend time with my friends today hoping that it would help me feel better, and maybe he’s right.

“Oh, thank you. I, uh, I was about to go to the rec room, do you want to go together?”

He almost jumps up at that suggestion as he seems even brighter if that’s even possible.

“Yes! Do you think Tanner’s there too? Or should we check his room?” Connor asks before looking down the hall to Tanner’s room.

I’m not sure.

“I don’t know, we could check his room first and leave a message if he’s still in therapy."

We all have little electronic touch screen pads next to our doors that unlocks our doors by our handprints while also having other things they can do, like having our schedules, and even a place to leave messages for each other or from an adult to us.

We do find out that Tanner is still in therapy before we leave him a message telling him to go to the rec room.

“Hey, Maddy, you had therapy too, right?” Connor asks me while we head down the halls.

I nod, not wanting to think about it. Nothing bad happened, but I want to focus on Connor and now instead of thinking about what is going to make me think about Peter.

“And you had trials? How were they?” I ask because I still haven’t had mine yet, but I’m supposed to tomorrow.

“They were okay.”

Now Connor seems to be avoiding something, so I let him.

If he’s leaving me alone, then I’ll leave him alone.

I start to open the Snickers and hesitate before I break it in half. Of course I want to have the whole thing, but I would rather at least offer to share. You don’t have to like to do the right thing, but we’re supposed to try our best to do it even if you don’t, right? I think Mommy, but I can’t remember when she had.

“Here.”

I hand Connor the other piece, but he’s also hesitant.

“No… it was yours.”

‘Ask him again.’

I know how much he loves chocolate, so I do.

“But I want to share.”

There’s another smile from him before a tight hug that I’m used to from him now. He loves hugging everyone.

“Thank you, Maddy, you’re so nice. I’m glad you’re my best friend.”

And there’s now another smile from me as he keeps  making my day feel better more and more.

“And I’m glad you’re mine.”

I’ve gotten used to all the kids here, and don’t feel as shy as I did, but Connor and his other Alters? Is that what they’re called? I think so, but, them and Tanner have been the ones I’ve gotten closest with.

We pass Olivia going the other way who seems to be talking to someone. Connor though grabs her attention.

“Hey, Olley, do you want to join us in the playroom? Tanner should be joining us too soon.”

She looks up, but it takes her a moment to respond as she keeps looking next to her where no one is.

She must be seeing James…

It’s weird to think that people can see things that aren’t there. And that’s coming from someone who sees things that are that others don’t, so I guess I shouldn’t be saying much about it. It’s more so that I want to know what she’s seeing more than thinking she’s weird for it. Like there is a conversation going that you can hear, but don’t understand. Or like a secret that you don’t get to know that you want to I guess.

“James can come too if he wants.” I try to be encouraging before Connor whispers to me.

“But remember, he’s not real.”

I look at him trying to show that I know, but he still looks confused before Olivia laughs.

“She trying to tell you, Connor, that she knows that. But, yes, we both would love to come. I just need to grab something out of my room first and then I’ll meet you there.”

When Olivia is gone, I find myself laughing and Connor pouts.

“Hey, that’s not nice. How was I supposed to know you were only trying to be nice?”

“No, you’re right. But now I guess you know. Honestly, I was probably the weird one, but I just wanted to let her know that we’re okay if she ever wants to be more open about what she’s seeing. I mean, with most of us, we see the same thing. I know that when I didn’t know other people who could, I felt wrong about seeing things that others couldn’t, and I don’t want her to feel like that.”

“That’s actually pretty nice. Okay, I’ll make sure to tell her the same thing. I want to get to know James too and her other friends. What about Alex?”

I’m the one confused now, but only for a moment.

“I don’t, I don’t know if it’s the same for Alex. I guess we should ask Samantha. He doesn’t seem like he likes what he sees, so maybe inviting them to join us wouldn’t be that nice.”

I remember the first day he freaked out because of the people he was seeing.

“Well, then I guess we could tell him that we’ll fight them for him. I think that he’d like that.”

I find myself laughing again. I know that Connor is being serious, and that’s what I love about him. He has this way of always trying to be on the positive side or find ways to be playful in almost a kid-like way. Like a little kid kind of way that feels easy to forget about lately.

I hope he never grows up.

It’s not much longer when we’re in the rec room before Tanner comes in. He seems a little tired too. Even behind his smile I can almost feel how tired he is.

I try to brighten his day like Connor did mine, and run up to him, and give him a big hug.

“You’re here!”

He hugs me back, and something about him really does feel almost sad as he holds on a little tighter before letting me go.

“I am, and I’ve really missed you guys. So, what are we doing tonight?”

Connor comes up to hug him too.

“Charades?! Olivia’s coming too!”

Connor is a little on the loud side which only makes me forget to control my volume too.

“I think that could be fun! But how do we play exactly?"

They both look at me confused before Tanner smiles and responds.

“How do you choose a game you don’t even know? You’re silly.”

“It’s where you get a card that has something on it, an animal or sport, or season, or whatever, and you can’t say anything, but you have to pretend to be it, and everyone else has to guess what it is. Sometimes there are teams, but I think we should play the fun way where everyone guesses at the same time. I think Olley could love it too.”

“Love what?” Oliva asks when she walks through the door.

“Charades!”

“That does sound fun!” I say before registering that she said anything as Connor about at the same time answers her.

“Ooo, that does sound fun, but I’ll warn you, I’m pretty good at it so I think all of you are going to lose.”

I shrug, hoping that maybe I could win and happy to have fun with everyone.

Thank you, Lord, for making things better.