Eliot - 18 years old

2004

I come home to silence. My favorite sound.

My backpack slumped against the couch as I made my way down the hall. Emalyn was back from her class by that point. She was taking a sign language class at the local college for extra credit. 

My parents wanted her to learn Spanish due to our Latino heritage, but she pursued ASL anyways.

She could always get away with stuff like that. My parents were such pushovers with her.

I heard my twin sister’s laugh from down the hall and faint movement from her bedroom. Continuing my walk down the hallway, I made it to her door, which was open enough for me to peek inside.

“Oh, Eliot’s home!” My sister said, making the sign with her hands. “Eliot, this is my friend, Miles.” 

She pushed the door wider to reveal a new face, light skin, soft features, a pair of black hearing aids tucked gently on his ears.

“NICE MEET YOU” I signed gently, remembering my practicing with Emalyn. I didn’t really know any Deaf people, usually they kept to themselves and the community didn’t collide with my world much, but Emalyn was becoming a bridge.

I always resonated with the fact some people didn’t hear. The world was loud, rough, stimulating but not always in a good way. Sometimes I wished I could turn off my ears and just sit in the quiet.

He signed the same back before turning to Emalyn and signing something I didn’t catch before he stood and grabbed his bag.

“HE GO WHERE?” I signed to my sister. 

“HOME”

I nodded, watching him walk past me and out the cabin door.

“So, boyfriend?” I teased Emalyn.

“El!” She shoved my shoulder playfully. “I can have guy friends! Most of your friends are boys!”

“But most of your friends are girls, and not usually white ones.”

“Is there something wrong with Miles being white?” Emalyn raised her eyebrow.

“Of course not, but Mom and Dad might be intrigued by it even more so than I am.” I told her. She sighed, flopping onto her beanbag chair, a trickle of foam beads rolled onto the floor from a hole she never fixed.

“He’s…just a friend. He helps me practice.” She told me honestly, her dark hair spilling out against the purple fabric.

I nodded. “Okay.”

“What’d you do today?”

I took a breath, sitting criss-cross on her carpet, hands fidgeting with the laces of my Converse.

“Went to the skatepark near school then went to the mall.” I muttered, looking at the pale splotches on my fingers.

“You guys always go to the same places.” Emalyn teased me.

I shrugged. “I just go with them when it sounds interesting enough.”

“Why are you friends with that gang anyways? Mostly a bunch of loud white boys trying to be cool by spending their money at Hot Topic.” 

I snorted at the accuracy. “Yeah, but they’re great. Plus Skylar is definitely not like that.”

“Right, yeah, she’s cool.” She nodded. 

I heard footsteps on the porch, a key jingling as it entered the lock.

The parents had arrived.

Forks gently scraped against the plates as everyone ate dinner.

My parents were all about “quality family time”, which means conversations to pass time at the table before Mom and Dad go watch TV.

“You kids get up to anything today?” Mom asked me. Emalyn looked at me, a silent ‘You go first.’

She was nervous about telling them about Miles.

“Went to the mall with my friends.” I shrugged, pushing a bit of broccoli around on my plate.

“Did you go with that Ronan kid again?” Dad asked, pointing a fork at me. “That kid always smells like cheap cigarettes. He’s a bad influence.”

He sure was, but his home life wasn’t great so it wasn’t exactly his fault.

“Dad, most kids smell like cigarettes.” I told him. “A lot of parents smoke too.”

Dad shook his head. “That kid is hiding something, I’m telling you. Something’s off about ‘im.”

I rolled my eyes, shoving the rest of my food into my mouth. Emalyn nudged my leg under the table. I ignored it and stood up and walked into the kitchen.

My computer was old.

A boxy off white monitor with a tower that sounded like it’d take off into orbit whenever I open a tab. 

I shoved my headphones into my cd player and turned on to MySpace.

My safe place.

Ronan was online. Max was too.

They were probably sending memes or bad music.

Ro_fireXSkater: Yo

xX_Eliott_Xx: what

Ro_fireXSkater: Max says Hi

xX_Eliott_Xx: wdym why can’t he message me

Ro_fireXSkater: I’m calling him on the landline so my mom thinks im getting homework help. I told him i saw ur online

xX_Eliott_Xx: why not just actually do ur homework instead of wasting your parents’ money

Ro_fireXSkater: That’s what Max said! Also idgaf, they deserve it

Ro_fireXSkater: Why do you care

xX_Eliott_Xx: i don’t, just curious

Ro_fireXSkater: Always so mysterious. 

xX_Eliott_Xx: I’m leaving, don’t come crying to me when you fail your finals

Ro_fireXSkater: I would never, im smart

xX_Eliott_Xx: sure.

x_Maxxiee_x: Can I ask you a question?

xX_Eliott_Xx: shoot

x_Maxxiee_x: You’re…queer, right?

xX_Eliott_Xx: yeah?

x_Maxxiee_x: How did you know?

xX_Eliott_Xx: i js didnt feel like the gender i was given

x_Maxxiee_x: What about who you like?

xX_Eliott_Xx: dunno i js realized i like multiple genders

xX_Eliott_Xx: aren’t u calling Ronan rn 

x_Maxxiee_x: I told him I had to use the bathroom so I didn’t have to hear his parents arguing for 5 minutes.

xX_Eliott_Xx: smart. what’s the topic of tonight’s argument

x_Maxxiee_x: Something about homework and homelessness. Skylar occasionally sighs loud enough I hear it through the closed door.

xX_Eliott_Xx: sounds about right. hows Ronan handling that?

x_Maxxiee_x: Ignoring it by blasting his eardrums with rock music and wasting his parents’ money with the landline.

xX_Eliott_Xx: sigh. that boy will never learn

After a bit more messaging I logged off, finally hearing the silence within my mind and my computer. I curled up into my bed, thankful for the mattress, and just thought about what crazy stuff I’d get into tomorrow.