My head is all fuzzy and drumming, I don’t want to get up, so I snuggle into the pillow next to me, odd… I don’t remember my pillow being this firm or hairy or moving like if its breathing… I cautiously open my eyes, and I am greeted by Michel's bicep and bear chest fuck fuck FUCK! Okay, this has to have a good explanation, Richard thinks! I try to recall what happened last night; Michel came to talk about Mari, we dined and drank some beer, after… we talked about videogames and then we began to kiss so furiously I’m surprised my lips aren’t cracked “Oh god!” Michel said as he woke up “when the hell did we end up in your bed!” he told me and swerve to the edge of the bed clearly this was not something he expected for this Saturday morning “Okay calm down, let’s do a check just to be sure nothing happened!” he nods and looks under the sheets “oh thank god we are clothed is just our shirts” we sigh of relief that this drunken mess didn’t escalated to more and I’m glad it didn’t, because I think I would be able to handle having this on top of everything else; once we put our t-shirts back on I walk Michel to the door while Mika judges us “is she… is she aware of what happened?” Michel asked me “she is really smart so I’m in for a bad time with her” he twisted to knob and stopped before opening the door “Hey Rich… I, you know I wouldn’t like done anything if you had say no right?” come to think of it he was very quiet while we got dressed up maybe he has been overthinking the situation even more than I had “look, I think I started the whole kissing and maybe biting your lip thing so I was down for it at the moment, however, I don’t think this is going to repeat anytime soon” he sighed in relief and opened the door “yeah, I don’t want to pressure you into anything so all cool?” “yeah as cool as things has been lately” he nodded “right so not too cool, well I´ll see you at the subway” I stick my head out though the door “oh I´m not going to be here for the next week” he turned around and walked back to me “why not?” he asked me slightly worried “you remember I practice Kendo, right?” he nodded in the before time he would often dismiss my practice and engagement to the team as games or a waist he never come to any practice, tournament or examination so I just stop inviting him “yeah I do there are like a billion pictures of you in your uniform and armor in your Instagram” “the association is going to the invitationals this weekend, the tournament is out of town so we thought about going from Sunday to Sunday to get use to the place”.

After he left, I went about my Saturday as normal, I messaged David and Val to confirm that they would be covering my classes, I prepared the messages and activities for my students, then I called Elise to see at what time will it be good for me to pass by an give her the key to my apartment so she can water my plants and look after Mika after I was done preparing my bags my phone buzzed M: so… where is this tournament I twisted my mouth into a half smile R: Maine, we are taking a plane to get there ASAP M: cool, cool so are you going to kill the competition? R: We don’t do that, but thanks for reminding me to give maintenance to my shinais, you know is dangerous if you don’t tend to them before a tournament. M: So… is it like an open thing? I don’t understand where he is trying to get at R: I guess… why? He didn’t respond after that.

“here are the keys Elise” the girl that was up to my chest nodded as I remind her of where everything is “the food is-” “in the door next to the oven” Elise said as she walked and petted Mika “Hi Mika did you miss me” she braked happily as Elise cupped her face with her hands “okay but her treats are-” “hidden behind the cereal” she pointed exactly which door I keep my cereal “… you know she is going to employ advance psychological tactics to get them right?”  she snorted “I will just give them to her, she is the cutest and she deserve them” I grunted “you are having too much fun” she sat next to me in the couch “and you aren’t, come on Rich you are going out, don’t tell me your plan is to just exist in the confinements of your Airbnb” I whistled a tune to try and distract her but judging by her face she wasn’t distracted “Oh my god Rich” is not like I won´t be going out, me and the team are going to do some activities but we are also going to practice and maybe I just want to read on a book in my room “well what activities do you think I should do” she smiled a smile I knew too well and pushed a box into my hand “… NO!” I try to give her back the box of condoms but she force me to get it “I´m not saying use the whole box, but I am saying you are going on a trip you might as well have some fun” I just sigh and threw them into my bag as I know that if I don’t she will hide them in it anyways “look I´ll try but I don’t think I will use any of the-” she picked up Michels sock from the floor and flash me s cheeky grin “I don’t remember your feet been this big and you know what you say about guys with-” I threw a pillow at her, I think I have time for a quick murder if I set my mind into it “tell me who is this guy Richard Kinly!!!” “No body that’s… Mikas chew toy!” I had to pry the sock out of her grasp I´ll drop it off at his place before I set off for the airport.  

The flight goes all right, though I´m not the biggest fan of plains, this time there’s no turbulence and thankfully I got a good sit, so much so that I managed to fall asleep and wake up before the landing time, Yakimura Sensei gave us our itineraries, we have our own Airbnb’s, a few guys got one to shear but I do like my privacy so I choose a single one, Yakimura Sensei and his wife are right next door so we can help each other if we need to, we will be having daily training sessions at the gymnasium where the tournament will be taking place, after that we have some time for ourselves, of course that for our trip we are going to some of the museums, restaurants and other places around town, I pulled my phone once I unpacked and checked my messages, David and Val confirmed that they will cover my classes, a few students sent me encouraging messages through my work e-mail, Elise sent me a picture of Mika, but I don’t see any messages from Michel, I refresh the messages but noting, I’m pretty sure he probably just has his hands full. R: Hey, I arrived safely, am… how was work? I think that’s the lamest message I have ever sent to someone in my life. I don’t need his words of encouragement, although they would have been appreciated. The girls sent them to me… maybe he just still doesn’t care for all this.

After the first days of settling in, things get into the rhythm I imagined it would, Morning training is hard, Yakimura thinks that we have a great opportunity in singles and in team competition, the guys are all pumped up too, so much so that they suggested we all go for drink and dine at a place they saw while strolling, Yakimura kindly declines as he is accompanied by his wife and they had made arrangements for a romantic date to the rose gardens, “So what about you Richard?” one of the younger members of the team asked me I believe he just turned twenty one “yeah, come with us Richard, it will be fun” a girl told me too “well… I could go for food and maybe a drink” they cheer and we agree to see each other at the place at seven; the place look like a rustic bar, boots line the perimeter of the place while in the center of the room there’s a machine hooked to a microphone the waiter informed us that today is karaoke night and we can participate for a free drink after our first buy, he leaves the booklet with the songs and the menus “what do you say guys?” the same guy that invited me looked at all five of us, the two girls nodded enthusiastically “Sorry I don’t really sing” I told them “what but you sing parts of musicals all the time?” it happened one day, I liked singing, but just like the things that hunt me, Lucas and Michel made sure I lose my will to sing something fully yikes, was that you? It sounded like you were flaying a cat, Lucas said one day Hey, remember that you look better with your mouth closed Richi Michel remarked, and every time I tried, I got their backhanded remarks, so I waved my hands and looked at the menu. “nah its fine, you guys go on a head, I´ll clap for you all.”

They sing a little bit of everything Beyonce, panic at the disco, Metallica and more, when they were done the waiter brought us our drinks and food, but there was a mistake “am… excuse me, I didn’t singed” I pointed at the gin and cola he left in front of me “oh I almost forgot, that one was sent by the gentleman over there” I turned around, a smile forming in the corner of my mouth thinking Michel had come, he was here and they why he didn’t answered my text, that’s why he asked so many questions, he was here in town and maybe we could keep hanging out “…” a guy with red hair and gray eyes waved and winked, he is not bad looking by any means, but I didn’t feel like having a drink with a stranger, let alone one that would just assume I would be into it “you should totally talk to him!” one of the girls said “you swing that way?” one of the guys was more harsh with his tone, the other one smacked him on the shoulder “don’t be rude, Richard can like whoever” he scoffed “I mean if you like getting perved on at the changing  room” the girls mouth opened “you didn’t not just say that” I felt the shame and burning in my face, I just started to walk out of the place “wait Rich!” “IT´S FINE!” I said out loud, without realizing it, the guy backed off, “I´ll see you tomorrow at practice… sorry for… this.” The air was chilly, more so when you walk quickly to your place. It was around ten when I got home, but I didn’t enter; instead, I sat on the entrance step and buried my face in my knees.