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All Valkyries Suck (Except Ours)

In Which Edie Fixes Everything

In Which Edie Fixes Everything

May 15, 2026

Edie slipped out of her office and closed the door behind her, an empty coffee cup clutched pointedly in her hand. It was too early for a lunch break, but it was never the wrong time to get more coffee.

She took a left, deeper into the Referral Center, and headed toward the department’s unobtrusive back door. Edie’s tall heels clicked on the linoleum tiles in the unadorned back hallway, which would have alerted Bellamy of her approach as she knocked softly on the single-stall bathroom in the corner near a window and a giant monstera.

The door jumped open, just enough for Bellamy’s panicked eyeball to find her. He grabbed her wrist and dragged her in, slamming the door behind her. As soon as she stood opposite her friend, Bellamy burst into tears.

“Oh my gods, baby,” cried Edie, wrapping her arms around him. She was the same height as the slender male, but she was all full curves where he was like a wispy, effervescent thread.

“I hate this fucking place,” Bellamy groaned into her shoulder. “I’m done, I quit. I can’t do this anymore.”

She set her coffee mug on the sink so she could hold him tighter. In their six months together, Edie had never known Bellamy to have a meltdown. He was all cool confidence, all the time. A whiny baby, sure. But the kind of whiny baby who just needed you to know that he was pissed before he got back to working his ass off without a second thought.

“I’ll just drop out of my program and go—” Bellamy hiccuped. She felt his tears dampening the shoulder of her dress, but honestly, with the kind of community work she did, that happened fairly often. “And go work at a gas station or… or sling burgers, I guess maybe I could start taking feet pics—”

“Bell,” laughed Edie, moving him back to look him in the eye. She pulled out a tissue from the little table next to the door and dried his lightly freckled cheeks. “You’re not gonna quit. And please, for all that is good in the world, don’t post your pretty toesies on the internet. What happened?”

“Your asshole valkyrie girlfriend—” Bellamy began.

“Who, Vere?” laughed Edie. “She’s not my—”

“I don’t care,” wailed Bellamy. “She is the lord of darkness and Satan himself!”

Much to Bellamy’s dismay, this made Edie laugh harder. “If you knew her like I do, you’d know how absolutely goofy you sound right now. Vere is nothing but a dopey golden retriever. What’d she do? Why were you even around her today?”

“Oh, I’ll tell you why,” Bellamy waggled a dramatic finger, then swiped his eyes dry. He grabbed his own tissue and blew mightily into it, proving he must have been holding that cry in for a while before he got to let it out with Edie. Her heart swelled with affection for him, her fluffy, grumpy cat of a work wife. She wanted to scoop him up and tuck him away in her pocket.

“There’s a new mother-fucking therapist, Edie, can you believe that? Dr. Williams has been working from home for days and you know she wouldn’t have told me she hired someone, anyway, so your feather-brained bestie—”

“Bell,” sighed Edie. Just because Vere didn’t mind poking fun at the other valkyries didn’t mean that Bellamy could call her names like that.

“—shows up with this loser in tow and puts him in charge of me?”

She slapped her forehead. Obviously Edie knew this wasn’t a decision Vere could have made on her own, and she didn’t know Bellamy. Vere was just as much a victim to the stupid orders of Agrippa and Dr. Williams as Bellamy now was.

“Oh,” she groaned, “that’s not fair. Is that really how it’s gonna be?”

“Who knows!” cried Bellamy. He couldn’t pace much in the tiny bathroom, but he managed to stomp a few steps between Edie and the toilet. “Lord knows I wish I’d had someone besides Dr. Williams to consult with in the early days here, but now? Six months in?” Bellamy raked his fingers through his cotton-candy hair. “This is just gonna complicate everything. And—and—” He groaned audibly, stomping back to Edie and dropping his forehead onto her shoulder. “This guy? My new superior? Well, I ran into him at Shimmer last night, so that’s fun.” He added with emphasis, “And I was a big old bitch to him.”

Edie stifled a giggle. “What else is new, boo?” She patted his back. “You once told me you’re a big old bitch to your own Nana.”

Bellamy moaned woefully. “This suuuucks and I quit!”

“No you don’t. You’re gonna turn on your good old interpersonal effectiveness skills and march up to that guy—”

“—With my good friend Edie holding my hand, right?” Bellamy beamed at her, looking positively cherubic.

“Hell no, you’re not dragging me into your drama.” She picked up her coffee mug and waved it at him. “I have to go fill up my coffee and go back to work.” She glanced at her smart watch. “I have my next appointment due in five.”

Bellamy’s pouty bottom lip thrust out. “But your valkyrie—”

“Vere,” Edie sighed.

“She said she’s not leaving our sides all day, something about orders from her commander. And since she’s obviously got the hots for you…”

Edie jolted. “What?” Her cheeks and the back of her neck started to burn. “What makes you say that? What do you mean?”

Bellamy fixed her with a deadpan stare. Under the dim fluorescent strip light overhead, his eyes looked oceanic. “You’re kidding. She was practically salivating at the sight of you.”

“She’s my best friend!” Edie argued. It had been thirteen years since she’d first been taken into VADR custody after her mom’s death. Thirteen years where she and Vere had been inseparable. Edie had had her fair share of relationships, mostly short and usually messy. Vere claimed that valkyrie training was too demanding, and quietly ignored how many of her sisters were hooking up left and right. Edie had just decided that Vere wasn’t into anyone and thought nothing of it.

Bellamy hummed dubiously. Then he snatched up Edie’s wrist with an iron grip. “Let me show you the best coffee maker on the whole floor.”

“Bellamy,” cried Edie.

“So weird that it happens to be the one in Dr. Williams’ office, which is where I’m headed, right?” Bellamy gave a false laugh, hooking his elbow through Edie’s. Despite herself, his theatrical energy was contagious, and she allowed him to whip her around the corner and straight past the Referral Center. 

They were a cute little pair, with energy like goblins wielding pitchforks but with fashion like chic city slickers. Bellamy usually wore pastels and trousers in varying silhouettes with some kind of softly textured sweater. If he ever did a more formal piece of clothing, like a blazer or tie, he paired it with something softer and casual, to keep himself approachable.

Edie’s outfits had no formula, depending exclusively on how she was feeling when she rolled out of bed. Today, it was a Swiss dots dress in forest green with a thin black belt and black pumps. She typically liked shades of red more, but since she’d colored her split-dye with green a few weeks ago, Edie had transitioned to focusing on matching her eyes. Now that Bellamy mentioned it, Vere was very vocal about how much she’d loved Edie’s new green era…

Edie shook off the thoughts. She did not have the brain power to consider the possibility that her best friend had those kinds of feelings for her.

Bellamy swung open the door to Psychiatry with a flourish. He’d buried the sobbing, defeated person that Edie had been holding in the bathroom, in a show of masking that Edie found hugely impressive. If not a little concerning. Not that Edie was one to talk.

Vere’s splendid copper wings puffed up when the door opened, like she was a startled cat. She was recognizable by her wings alone before Edie could even see her face past them.

So… were… those… antlers? Edie stopped, arms out, inhaling hard with a low squeak that kept getting louder and shriller until she shrieked, “ORION?”

“Edie!” laughed her elk shifter friend. “I was wondering if I’d run into you!”

Edie leapt onto him with her arms and legs around his tree-trunk form. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Orion’s booming laugh vibrated her glasses. “It’s a long story.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Bellamy said with breathless urgency, “no, do not tell me that this is the guy you wanted to set me up with last night!”

Orion gently peeled Edie off himself and set her back on the ground, looking a little green under his almond-shaped eyes. “Ironic, considering he said he wasn’t desperate enough for me.”

Bellamy crossed his arms and popped his hip as he gave Orion a long, assessing stare. “I stand by it.”

Edie groaned, hands over her face. “You guys make my life so hard!”

“Your life is hard?” exclaimed Bellamy. “Vere put this guy in charge of me!”

“Vere,” chastised Edie, turning on her valkyrie friend and putting a hand on her elbow, “just because Agrippa told you to deal with Orion today doesn’t mean that you get to put a hierarchy in place. We try not to be quite as concrete with that stuff on the first floor. And plus, Bellamy has been working independently for months.”

Vere’s fingers slipped around Edie’s waist, pulling her into the valkyrie’s chest as she bent down to whisper in her ear, “I know, but the intern was being an asshole, so I wanted to punish him.”

“That doesn’t help anything,” Edie argued wearily.

Vere shrugged one unapologetic shoulder. “Made me feel better.”

“Edie,” Orion said, serene as a mountain ridge at sunset, “I’m not here to cause drama. I needed a job, and Dr. Williams…” He looked sick as he finished in a strained tone, “…did me a favor. I’m more than happy to just shadow Bellamy until I get my own caseload.” He turned to Bellamy and said evenly, “What happened last night is irrelevant to my professional life. Just tell me how I can best support you.”

“See,” Edie said with a relieved sigh, “we’re all adults here. Okay, Bell?” She squeezed his shoulder.

Bellamy held her gaze for a long moment, his chest rising and falling with a slow breath. He nodded and looked back at Orion. “Of course.” Some of the tension seemed to trickle out of the room at Bellamy’s obvious resignation. “We have First Encounters groups at twelve, one, and four today. I am doing individual intakes at eleven, two, and three.”

“Do you want me to do any of those?”

Bellamy raised a pale, slender eyebrow. “Are you already set up in our EHR?”

Orion opened and closed his mouth and gave a hum of dismay. “No. No I am not.”

Bellamy sighed. “Well, maybe you can transcribe on my laptop for us or something.”

Edie glanced at Vere, whose weight was shifting from one foot to the other every few seconds. She frowned and gripped Vere’s wrist. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t abandon an order,” Vere whispered. Only Edie would have been able to catch the tiny tremble at the edge of Vere’s usually self-assured voice. “They’ve got it all worked out, but I was ordered to stay with Orion today. I don’t want to scare clients though—”

“Okay.” Edie smiled gently. “I get it. How about if you hang out with me in the Referrals department and help in my meetings?” She always knew exactly how to calm her anxious valkyrie friend. Definitely not because they were… in love or anything.

As if on cue, she caught Bellamy’s pointed stare drilling into her.

Edie sent him back a death glare as she continued, “Then, each time the boys are on a break between sessions, we can come hang out with them.” She nodded to the boys. “You maintain client privacy…” She smiled up at Vere. “And you get to give Orion the best first day we can manage.” Then with a flounce, she chirped, “Lunch date, anyone?”


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Z.M. Celestaire

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#urban_fantasy #Fantasy #queer #lgbtq #slice_of_life #comedy #romance

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All Valkyries Suck (Except Ours)
All Valkyries Suck (Except Ours)

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Nobody makes a workplace stressful quite like buff and way too serious valkyries. Four friends confront a corrupt organization while questioning their own identities (gender and species) as well as newly realized romantic entanglements.

Bellamy Hirsch is so close to finishing his internship at VADR, an irritating organization run by valkyries which claims to help supernatural and human civilians in the city of Eldwick. The crazier things get with the valkyries, and the more things come to light about his own surprisingly supernatural heritage, the more uncertain his graduation becomes.
When his social work nonprofit-slash-dream job gets suddenly shut down by VADR, Orion Pendleton is ready to be reckless. With no other option, he ends up joining VADR. When insults—and sparks—start to fly with his coworker Bellamy, Orion realizes his plan to sabotage VADR might put everything else in jeopardy.
Captain Vere Stromgaard is the picture-perfect valkyrie, on the outside, anyway. Internally, Vere realizes they don’t identify as a woman. And when they are ordered to track down a deserting nonbinary valkyrie, Vere’s life is thrown into chaos.
As a former ward of VADR, Edie Thorn knows quite a lot about the valkyries for a half-vampire. She also might be in love with her best friend Vere. Her loyalty to Vere is tested when Vere’s assignment brings them to Edie’s childhood home; Edie yearns for her family there, but her best friend has been convinced by VADR that the place is evil.
These four friends must confront the prejudice and pain caused by VADR and decide: can they topple the institution together, or will they fracture before they can triumph?
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In Which Edie Fixes Everything

In Which Edie Fixes Everything

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