Although she still had doubts about Ester's true feelings, the countess, while perceiving that her health was slowly declining, found immense relief in seeing Rudolf establish himself more and more as second in line to the throne, although he did not try to please the court and high officials at all and surrounded himself with opponents to the regime, making new friends for sure but also new enemies. He turned out to be a loving husband as well, not that she ever doubted it, and soon he would even have become a father. She could almost touch the trepidation and anxiety that the barely twenty-five-year-old man was feeling.

She had promised him that she would have been there for the birth of his son, or daughter, in less than a month, but she was no longer so sure. The doctor had ordered her to breathe sea air to try to cure her illness, she couldn’t delay any longer. She would have left that same day, the weather promised to be beautiful for once, although the morning was gloomy, typical of the month of November. She hoped that the soft autumn colours could warm her heart during the journey, for she had been immensely sorry to have had to leave a simple note for Rudolf in which she congratulated him in advance and promised to write him as soon as possible.

She was about to doze off in the carriage that had just passed the tower of the Spinnerin am Kreuz, on the southern border of the city, when the coachman stopped the horses.

"Countess, His Imperial Highness Archduke Rudolf is wishing to speak to you."

She didn't even have time to realize what she had been told, when the door of the coach opened, revealing a young man on a puffing horse, with red hair tangled by the wind, panting, but with the most beautiful smile she had ever seen in her life.

"Rudolf, wha- "

"I wanted to tell you in person, Rose! I rushed as soon as I received your message, thank goodness I made it in time!"

He was so agitated, his steed feeling the same and barely restrained.

"It happened, tonight! I became a father!"

"What? Oh my, so soon?"

She approached to get out of the coach, but he stopped her.

“Please, stay inside, the wind is cold. Just give me a second to calm down this boy!” he laughed, showcasing that way of curving his lips, so typical of him.

She would have screamed with joy, but better to restrain herself so as not to start coughing again. She took his hands to calm him down and make him feel her closeness, and to warm them. They were freezing, he hadn't even worn gloves because of the rush.

"It's a girl, Rose! A little girl!"

"My goodness, I'm so happy for you, with all my heart! And tell me, how is Ester?"

"Ah, now she is resting with the baby, they are both fine, even if I was scared as hell during the birth."

His wife had even gone so far as to yell at him to leave the room because he was making her anxious, as if she didn't have enough of what she was going through. Obviously, he had refused to, but managed to avoid staying within her field of vision. The countess laughed heartily imagining the scene. Oh, how sad she was to leave without being able to see the newborn! But at least one could say she had partially kept her promise.

"Get well soon, Rose, we will all be waiting for you. Or who knows, we might come and see you when Lux is grown up a little!"

Oh, so in the end he chose that name. She had found it strange and unusual at first, when he had talked about it, but it made sense, Rudolf had always been kind of a poet. And that name, which meant light in ancient Latin, perfectly described the glow of happiness that radiated through his eyes. That little girl will be the light that will enlighten his path, he had explained.

"Fear not, you will be a wonderful father and Emperor. Believe in yourself, and your daughter will also become a magnificent woman. Now you have one more reason not to give up, am I right?" she tenderly asked him.

"I will, I promise. I will make these lands a better place. I want to give my daughter, and everyone, the best life possible."

After a pause filled with a silence that seemed too long to both of them, Rose leaned over to him, removed his hat and gently kissed his forehead, receiving an unexpected peck on her cheek in return and a long one-armed hug. She had lost a lot of weight, he could feel it even through all the heavy clothes she was wearing.

"Are you blushing now after all these years?” he mocked.

“Oh, quit it!”

“Thank you for everything, Rose. Please, get well and come back to me."

Eventually alone, she could barely hold back the tears, especially when she turned at the window and saw Rudolf, on his splendid pawing white horse, waving his arm, with the walls of Vienna standing out in the landscape behind him. That scene managed to convince her that everything would have been alright, at least for her ex-lover and now very dear friend.

-

Just a friend, then.

She always reminded herself this anytime her brain started to wander back to a certain someone – much more often than she could have imagined – especially now that she was away from Vienna, from her husband, from her friends... from him. She had promised to write, but how much time had already passed? Months, a year perhaps? And she hadn't been able to write a single line. At first, she had used the disease as an excuse, but now she was starting to feel much better, the air of the Adriatic Sea, just below that villa outside Trieste, had proven fruitful. What other justification could she have had, except that writing him would not have been enough? What could she have said to him? That she was faring well, and ask how he and his little girl were doing?... His wife as well, of course, it was natural to mention her in the letter. In this regard, did he manage to sweep that woman off his feet, as he had unintentionally done with her over the years of their relationship? In fact, she had to declare herself utterly defeated. She had hoped that being away from him would lessen the feelings she had not been able to restrain when she was still in Vienna, but it had all been in vain. She would have liked to see him again, or rather, no, she had to do it to have an answer to all the questions that crowded her mind. Ah, the disease must have really weakened her. Or maybe, she was just getting old and that independence that she had always shown off was starting to falter. She wanted to win it back, also because she could have never had next to herself the only thing or, rather, person that really mattered. All the nights she tried to fall asleep, missing the rhythmic sound of his heart and shallow breathing, now and then interrupted by soft whimpers – maybe one of his bad dreams; waking up  feeling like she was admiring the sunrise, but it was nothing less than his eyes, and, soon after, the struggle of untangling his hair after the fury of the previous evening – she had taken the habit of tying it for him to avoid that problem the day after. All these things that ended up happening so often, before they had to come to a sudden halt. She missed all this so badly.

Rose turned the gaze to the sunny landscape she could admire from the window of the living room. The pendant engraved with the elegant letter R, a gift from him, reflected the sunlight with a glow.

Yes, she had indeed become a weak egoist.

She grasped the pen firmly.

"Liebster Rudolf..."