I turned form the door and started to sprint towards his apartment, a few droplets and thunder started to fall, it didn’t stop me from running to his house, because all the hate turned to wariness, the cold rain didn’t help the burning I felt in my chest, I would have been surprised that I didn’t slip and fall at the stairs of the subway, bit my nails while the light from the headlights came in, I was panting, soaking wet and worried sick, yes I understand that a tarot reading is not the end all, but it did help me put into perspective some things that are off about Michel, and I could be totally wrong and maybe this is just something minor but… the doors opened and I sprinted again into the stormy streets, I took off the sling and threw it away I jumped the steps and frenetically ringed his doorbell “What? Who is it!” I panted and pressed the button, “Michel, open this door!” I demanded, or I wish I could, because the second my voice leaves my mouth, it sounds so full of dread that is almost irreconcilable “…Rich?”

He opened the front gate, and I ran up the stairs, I felt as if the cuts in my feet re opened, it stinged and hurt but I need to ask him, before I knocked he opened the door and looked at me head to toe, a puddle formed under me and droplets fell from hy hair “Rich, holy hell, get in here” he grabbed my hand, I wanted to say something I really did but instead I let him drag me gently to the living room, he despaired into the bathroom; I looked around and noticed how some things were gone a few figurines and paintings were gone, then I scanned the letters in the table, due payments, catalogues and advertisements, then my eyes fixated on the one with the seal of the Hospital the words Admission order stood out like a bright and deadly red flag, my sight spiraled util I felt the softness of a towel in my head, everything was dark and I wished it could remain dark for a while, “Gee, you could have texted or called me” Michel said nonchalantly while drying my hair with careful motions “here” he offered me a change of clothing I just took it and said “why are you getting admitted into the hospital?” he looked like if I just stabbed his heart out but in reality it was the other way around.

“Wha…” he looked to his letters and took the admitting note “It´s nothing… I just have a general revision…” I shook my head “no… for that you don’t stay, Michel there’s something else going on” I told him voce wavering and cut, he can’t look at my eyes, his eyes wonder through the carpet and land on the drawing he made of out characters “It´s… It´s nothing really” Hate and anger don’t take over, the overwhelming dread does “Why can’t you trust me?” he still looks away from me, he looks ashamed and defeated, desperately looking for a way out of this situation… looking for a beautiful lie that will make it all right and that’s why when he finally answer and I can’t find a trace of lie in his voice I fell my knees give out, I fall, far, far into a spiral of dread and anxiety, a similar one I have fall before in the past when he threw his bracelet away, the same I felt when I collapsed in Lisas floor, the same one I fall when he first repaired, his words are so blunt I feel a crack in my skull when he utters “M…My heart… it’s not right… when I broke yours… in doing so I broke mine” My fists trembled I taped him on the shoulder “Damn it don’t quite Heathcliff at me!” he just let me hit him “Do you hate me?” he asked me the tears I been swallowing busted out of my eyes, with grounding teeth I hit him again “from the bottom of my heart” and again “I hate your face!” I hit him again “I hate the way you act!” I hit him but couldn’t return my hand I pressed my body to his “I hate your lies” while I cry my heart out “I hate that I let you in again” I rest my head gently on his shoulder and wrap him in my arms “I hate loving you!”