“…what… what does that mean?” I swallow as the doctor adjusted her glasses and looked at me with concern “Thoracic Aortic Aneurysm, is a condition that in easy terms, makes the walls around your aorta is weaker, this causes an unnatural expansion of the area” I started to sweat “so… is my heart… is it” I fall on the chair as I couldn’t bring myself to say it “Mr. Sloun, you see is not your heart perse, but rather the valve that transport the blood” “okay but is easier than saying Thora… whatever” the Doctor nodded “right now you are not in danger, however, I do need to warn you that most likely you will need to undergo a heart surgery” I was unable to form sentences all I could hear was you could die because your heart is not right Michel “Mr. Sloun?” I shook my head and focused on the problem at hand “right, am… what should I do to you know not die?” she passed me a medical slip “the specialist for the surgery will be available in two months, for now I will give you some betablockers to alleviate the strain in your aorta, I must inform you that the mortality rate for the surgery is low though is not cero” the doctor explained the procedure to me and that didn’t help me, I walked back to the subway after getting the medication I was prescribed, I descended the steps carefully and slowly, and as I was sparling down into a void of uncertainty I saw him, his dark hair longer than the last time I saw him, no more glasses as I remember the harsh and cruel remarks I made about them, his face was stoic not the nice and sweet face I sometimes recall in my dreams, there not noticing I was there, Richard walked by and I felt the strike of pain in my chest, not form the sickness but for what he meant to me.

I got home, and felt winded, to say that I haven’t think of him would be a lie, sometimes I remember the nice things we had together, the nights were we would walk back home, how I would open my arms and say “Carry me” jokingly to Richard, how we use to eat junk food while playing a videogame, and just how nice it was to do nothing and just be in each other’s arms, although, I can also remember how it was becomes of me that everything ended, every cruel word I told him, how I pushed him farther and further into the edge thinking he would just forgive me, how I would just turn around and look at him with my sad puppy eyes and he would just say it was fine, I took him for granted and I pay the price for that, I walked to my room and opened the old metallic box in one of my drawers, I click open the clasp and took two things form it, a broken pair of glasses, he loved them and yet because of my words he broke them and threw them away, one of the lenses was cracked; and a bracelet he made for me, during out last fight I lost it, I thought that if I intimidated him enough he would just apologize and we could be back to how we use to be, but instead that was the last straw and I witnessed just how messed I was and how much damage I did to him; now Richard is holding me while crying, now he knows I could die and instead of alleviate his pain I once again am the cause of it, maybe I’m a cursed black cat to him, I should not get close but… I’m scared, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to live him again, Richard, please… Help me.