Dear Diary, everything's back to normal now. My thoughts were all confused during the ball, with Carmine staying next to me and not Lucia. However, I didn't see him at all for the rest of their break, and now he and Alvize are back at school, and I'm back to my normal schedule. 

It was nice to get a month with Alvize. It turns out it's nice having a brother, although frustrating at times. To catch him up on things around here, I tried to show him what the painting parties were like. He insisted that I be the instructor so he could learn exactly what I'd learned. When I tried to object, he proved stubborn. So I led his class (of just him) on how to paint a flower wreath. He interrupted me constantly and goofed around, and yet somehow came out with a better painting than mine. 

I told him that he'd distracted me too much and that I was just that good of a teacher that I'd instructed him so well. He looked at my painting skeptically and didn't say anything. I harrumphed and told him he could teach his own classes from now on. I know my flower petal strokes are a little blotchy, but I think they have their own charm.

We also invited Emma, Ariana, and Martina one evening so we could play charades. Alvize was terrible at guessing but blamed it on us. When we pointed out that we weren't having as much trouble guessing each other's, he said that it must be best friend telepathy and we were cheating. Of course we all objected to that, but he only insisted further. By the end of the evening he and we were each making fun of each other in jest and laughing. 

I also asked how his semester had ended, and he answered by walking out of the room and coming back a minute later with a huge stack of papers which he dropped in front of me. There was a large smack as they hit the ground. Bewildered, I looked at them, and then back to him.

"This was my final," he declared. 

The stack of papers seemed almost as tall as I was. I exclaimed over the size and Alvize said they were given it on the morning of the final and had to finish it by midnight. I circled around it and grabbed the top sheet to inspect. 

It didn't look very hard. It was all budget information, just like he'd written in his letter.  It did look tedious however.  Looking through receipts, making sure the budget balanced correctly.

The shear amount of it would take time. There had been some easy classes in my curriculum that had required a lot of busy work, and I'd never enjoyed them. This seemed to be like that to the max. It did make me feel a little sorry for Alvize, and hope that his next semester would be better. 

I wasn't jealous of Alvize for being the one to inherit father's title, even though he was younger. But I did, shockingly, find myself jealous over his work. It's something I'd thought was a means to an end. I'd studied accounting to pay the bills, and now the bills were paid without my working. Yet I found myself missing out. To study for so long just to throw it all away, even though it was I and not Millana who had studied it, just seemed too sad. I should be happy with my current circumstances; it was what I'd wanted, but I'm not sure that it is what I want exactly. 

Reticently I put the paper back on the stack. I tried to look like I didn't care. I didn't want him to think that it was his position I envied.  I told myself that I didn’t care.

Certainly I didn’t envy the amount of homework he’d had.  I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to complete that final in time.  Still, I’d almost reached that point that I’d looked forward to with anticipation, graduating and entering the real adult world.  Now I was back trying to figure out what adulthood would hold for me, and how I could belong in this world.

I put a smile on my face and told him, "This is why you shouldn't be thinking about skipping classes to come visit me. Imagine how high this stack would be if you did."

We both laughed at the thought, and then he also groaned as he really imagined it. This much seemed impossible already. To add to it would be too much.

I miss Alvize now that he's gone.  I’d expected it to be awkward, spending time together with Millana’s brother, wondering if he’d find out I’m not really Millana.  It turned out that it felt natural.  To laugh and bicker with him, it felt normal, like I really was his sister.  It’s surprising how little I worried about it, and how quickly I’ve gotten used to having a brother.  If I do ever wake up again and find myself in my world, in the real world, it’ll feel odd not to have a brother again.

Although I miss Alvize, there is an upside to him not being here and being back at school.  At least it means Carmine's gone now too. There's too much to think about when Carmine's here, like why he’s not spending more time with Lucia, and how to get rid of him. Now that problem's solved with his absence.

I like Carmine more than I’d expected.  I suppose I’d be lying to say that I don’t miss him some as well.  It’s just that I don’t want the main character drama in my life.  I feel bad for him.  He’s certainly not asking for all the drama.  Still, it would have to be a part of being his friend.

For his sake and for my sake, I’ll hope that he and Lucia work it out.  I’m sure that as he progresses at the academy and gets closer to procuring his title as heir to the duke, that the story will go back to normal.  It’s a hard journey, but they’re happy at the end.  It’s better to wish for his happiness from a distance, with minimal crossing of paths.

It feels like there’s been a lull in my activities since the academy has started back.  Likely it’s normal for this time of the year.  It’s just that I had gotten used to having Alvize around.  Also that I’m no longer anxiously glancing around when I’m out, afraid that Carmine might appear.  The days feel quiet and relaxed, almost lazy, now.

Emma and I had tea together yesterday. Arianna and Martina were busy, so it was just Emma and I. It was an interesting conversation.

There were several things we discussed, but among them was the New Year's Ball. Of course Lord Darl came up amidst that topic. My curiosity and concern mingled and I couldn't help but ask about him. Was she interested in him, and if so what attracted her? I confessed that he just didn't seem like what she'd been looking for.  I also wanted to know if she just felt the need to be polite, and needed us to act as a buffer and guard her from him.

Emma hesitated before replying. She said she knew it didn't make sense. He wasn't everything she'd thought she'd wanted. And yet, he did seem to be everything she wanted. In the past she thought she'd wanted someone chivalrous and romantic in a showy way, someone who made grand gestures of love. She'd danced with men like that, and they were attractive, but on both sides the attraction seemed shallow and short lived. 

When Lord Darl started approaching her, she'd thought at first that he wasn't what she wanted. He seemed reserved and distant. At first she only accepted out of politeness. As he kept seeking her out, however, she discovered that he was exactly what she hadn't realized she'd been looking for. He didn't put on a production, but his quiet, consistent character proved him to be a gentleman, and his romanticism snuck up on her silently but surely.

In the way he sought her and looked at her, his love was evident. In how he addressed her and led her in their dances, it was clear that he admired her. She fell for him slowly, but also quicker than she'd realized.  At some point, she’d realized that he didn’t feel distant anymore.  They had developed a closeness that she hadn’t experienced with any potential suitors before.

It was clear in how she talked about him that she really was taken with him. There was no denial upon her lips now that they were courting. I was thrilled for her, but also baffled.

I valued consistency. This change of heart was not consistent, and I didn't understand it. How she could change her mind so easily was beyond me. I could be happy for her, and I was, but I couldn't understand her.

So that's what's been happening, Diary. I guess, unlike what I said at the start, not everything's been normal. But I plan to remain unchanged in my pursuit of a drama free, side character life.