I’m not gone for long, but by the time I come back, I spot a peculiar sight taking place in the waiting-room.

“Even big guys like you need Karma?” Oliver seems to have warmed up to Zhulong fairly quickly. Zhulong, not so much. He looks about as comfortable as a balloon heading straight for a pushpin.

“Isn’t it easy? You don’t live here, right? Is it better where you live? Are there lots of nice places to play? Do you have lots of friends to play with?” Zhulong folds his arms across his chest awkwardly and avoids eye-contact at all cost. I’m jotting down pointers in my head. It seems like Oliver knows exactly how to handle Zhulong– this is the quietest I’ve ever seen him. It’s like he’s pretending the kid doesn’t exist. How long has Oliver been questioning him at this point? Maybe I should hire him as an interrogator when he gets older.

“Karma has lots of friends, but he never sees them because he doesn’t like them very much!” 

Alright, now that’s unnecessary! 

Break it up, you two. I’m no longer amused by how chummy you are with each other. It was funnier when you were ragging on Zhulong.

“Oliver, please, don’t question my client.” No, I can’t have an interrogator spill secrets to the enemy. Sorry, Oliver. I’m sure you’ll find a job somewhere else. 

The kid whips his head around and has a look of guilt plastered on his face. Yeah, you should feel guilty. What do you mean ‘doesn’t like them very much’? He’s not entirely off the mark, but he can’t just say that so boldly. As great as kids are, having a bit of a filter isn’t too bad of a habit to teach them…

“Ah! Sorry mister Karma! But he looks really popular! I wanted to ask!” Popular? Yeah, he’s handsome, but as soon as he opens his mouth, it’s game over for the people interested in him. It’s a real shame, because he has such a nice voice on top of those good looks. If only he was clever enough to be charming, maybe I wouldn’t have such a headache.

Or perhaps the headache would be worth it. 

I spread out the blanket and tuck him in tightly so he doesn’t freeze during the night. The office gets incredibly cold- but maybe I’m not the best judge of that. To me, it’s all the same. If I didn’t have a thermometer in the alcove, I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. 

“So, what did you ask him?” I beg the question, just because I know he’ll answer me honestly.

“Weren’t you eavesdro-” I glare at Zhulong in an attempt to tell him to zip it, but he just glares right back. 

“I asked if he needs your help, and he just made a noise and stared at the ceiling for, like, a looooong time.” Damn, the ceiling must have put on quite a show for him. Looks like he’s not only running away from me, but from all sorts of innocent questions. I don’t quite understand it, though. He’s perfectly calm in the courtroom. Is it because he has time to prepare for a trial? That seems a bit too simple. Will I get my ass beat this time if I say he seems more complex than that? Wouldn’t answering questions about yourself be much easier? I thought those sorts of thoughts would come to a person like a stream of running water. 

“Well, it looks like his talk with God will have to wait. We’ll be quiet, but if we’re too loud, just knock on the door and we’ll try to keep it down. Okay?”

“Okay! Thank you mister Karma! Oh, and it was nice to meet you mister Noodle!”

I just about die on the spot. I love kids, man.

“Goodnight, Oliver.” My amusement is oddly short-lived, because Zhulong answers him back in a dignified and polite tone. The way he says it sounds so natural- as if he’s used to it. I can only imagine he did it out of habit, because he immediately looks away as if he’s done something wrong. If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume being kind was considered a crime for him.

“Zhulong,” I raise my arm and motion towards the office. He nods, and it might genuinely be the first time he’s looked happy to be alone with me.

I leave the door ajar so I can hear Oliver call from the hallway if he needs anything. Once that’s done, I hook my finger over my collar and undo the two buttons around my neck. I can’t believe I slept in my uniform and just walked out like that. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was thirsty, tired, hungry, and there was a stranded puppy at my door that couldn’t fend for itself.

I have a bad habit of helping cute things that greatly inconvenience me. 

“....I’m oddly out of place in this area.” He’s so quiet that I barely hear him. 

“You just noticed that now?” I lean against my desk and unbutton my vest to let the tension leave my chest. I sigh with relief, but I take it Zhulong must have misunderstood my comment.

“...............” For a guy that bites so much, why does he always have that defeated puppy-dog look locked and loaded like a smoking gun? And why is it so effective? If this was russian roulette, he’d have every last person on the floor before the chamber had the chance to empty.

“Listen. It’s not because it’s you. If I went to your neighbourhood, I’m sure everyone would cling to their six-figure watches and expensive purses a bit tighter, too.” I can’t stand this awkward silence, so I try to laugh it off. “It can’t be helped. Such is life, and that’s just how people are. No need to get upset over it.”

“.....People like that irritate me.” He avoids my gaze again. The shadow cast over his figure makes his expression hard to see. “I’ll… keep this in mind for next time.”

Does he regret talking down to me? Nah, that can’t be it. I’m sure he’s just flustered by his own hypocrisy. Either way, none of my business. I’m not overly concerned if he wants to become a better person. So long as he doesn’t inconvenience me or make my job harder- I’ll do what I have to do to get along with him.

“The residents here seem to trust you a lot… almost like family.”

Family?

No, nothing like that.

That kid is right- I seem like I have a lot of friends, but I don’t actually like anyone in particular. I don’t believe I’m helping out because of some strange sense of altruism either. I’m not that deep, and my desires are even more shallow than Zhulong can imagine.

I only care about one thing.

Being amicable with people and helping them out is just a way for me to keep everyone in my good graces in case I need to trade information. To think of these people as family… I can’t say I’ve ever thought of them that way.

Is that how they see me?

That’s hard to picture.

All I am to them is a guard dog, and all they are to me are paths like branches on a tree. Branches that lead to more branches, more leaves, opportunities, people, information– until I can climb high enough to reach what it is I’m searching for.

I can’t say I’d care if this neighbourhood went belly-up, but it would greatly inconvenience me. So, I’d like for it to stick around as long as I plan to stick around.

“I don’t know what that means.” I say it on a whim. It’s no more than a passing thought. 

“Come again?” So, why am I explaining it to Zhulong? Well, it’s not like he cares anyways, and it’s not like I’m keeping it secret to protect my pride. I’ve also never been asked or given an opportunity to mention it. Maybe I just feel like trying something new.

“To have a family. I’ve never had one, so I can’t really compare.” I offer him a smile, and though I do it to ease the tension, I know it’s coming off as insincere. “You have more experience with this, so I’ll trust your judgement.” Maybe it would be nice to be close and familial with people.

But I don’t think I can open my heart to anyone like that. The closest thing I have to family or even a friend is Seito. Even with him, we’re both aware that our relationship is purely transactional. Once our exchange reaches its conclusion, we’ll go our separate ways. That’s why it’s important not to get attached to anyone. In the end, despite being social animals, humans in and of themselves can not rely on each other to survive if they're left alone. When isolated, what would such a person do?

It’s better to get comfortable with loneliness so you can rely on yourself alone. The only person you can truly trust is yourself, and everyone else is just free space. Nothing more than a passing hobby or thought– like partaking in tennis, reading, or going for a jog in the morning.

If I give my heart with both hands, who will catch me if I fall?

“...I’m sorry. That was callous of me.” I tilt my head a little and try to make out his expression through the shadows. Is that truly remorse I hear in his voice?

“An apology and an exclamation of gratitude on the same day? Perhaps I’ll try walking on water next.”

“I understand why you took your anger out on me now,” he looks away when he notices me staring, and pretends to gaze out the window. “-if someone told me to leave my struggling family to save myself, I’d probably dismember them, too.” 

Probably?

There’s hesitation in a loaded statement like that?

“Pffff…” I try to hold back laughter, but I have to cover my mouth so I don’t disturb the sleeping kid. “...sorry, sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I’m just surprised by the way you express yourself. Most lawyers wouldn’t go around saying they’ll dismember people if they cross them.” That may be why he used the word ‘probably’. If he accidentally said something like that to the wrong person, the ‘probably’ could be crucial to establishing it was a joke.

But I have a feeling he’s not kidding.

And if I have to be honest, I’m a little envious. It must be nice to have a family that cares for one so much that they’re willing to risk jail time to save them. I hadn’t considered it before today, but perhaps Zhulong was prepared to get his hands dirty in order to accomplish his goal, only for his only source of hope to deny him such a request. If I look at it from this angle, I’d probably be a bit prickly, too. Especially if I’d gotten rejected again and again by other agencies. ‘Now, even a guy working in the slums won’t touch this case. It’s hopeless.’ That’s probably what was going through his head when he glared at me.

So, why the change of heart?

Why did he suddenly decide to trust me after all?

“Is the illusion of a successful and charismatic prosecutor shattered ad infinitum because of my language?" Charismatic? Perhaps to the judges in the courtroom. If it was up to me, he could do with being more charismatic to charm me.

“Don’t say it like that,” How do I put it in a way he’ll understand? “-I prefer it when you speak your mind, even if what you say pisses me off. It’s better than clamming up and giving me nothing to work with.”

“...Do you have time?”

“Time? For what? Oh, to walk you to your car? Sure, let me just-” I hear the office door close before I can move. When I turn to the exit, I find Zhulong with his back against the door and his hands behind his back.

“...I don’t have a favorite color. Last I checked, I was 191 centimeters tall. I majored in criminal justice and phytology. I have a PHD in pharmaceutical science and a DPT in chemistry and molecular biology. I'm licensed but not practicing,” he hooks his finger around his tie to loosen the grip it has over his neck. “I was raised by many different women growing up due to my father’s promiscuity, so I have no memories of my biological mother. However, the woman who cares for me now has always been kind and loving. I've known her the longest, and I wish to protect her in kind.” He looks to be struggling with his tie. He must be nervous. “Shortly after I turned fourteen, my father passed away in an accident, and my mother remarried out of contractual obligation to the company. It didn’t work out, and she split up with him to go on to marry a different man,” he looks up at me only briefly, but pauses as if he’s thinking of ways to express himself. “-a lower-class citizen from a broken home. My current step-father has twin daughters and two sons from a past marriage. However, I've never met the oldest, since he's always abroad. Those are my siblings. I am my late father’s biological child, but my mother, stepfather, and siblings are all from different families. None share the Zhulong name but me.”

I see why it was so difficult for him to explain things now. That’s a lot of information to cover in such a short amount of time, and I don’t even know their names yet. He stands with his hands hooked over his tie, cutting his fingers between the fabric as if to loosen a noose around his neck.

“Is there anything else I’ve left unanswered… Lux Karma?”

I walk up to him and reach for his throat, and he surprisingly doesn’t flinch or stop me. Last time I put my hands here, it was to beat the shit out of him. Now, it’s to stop him from beating the shit out of himself. I loosen the tie once I’ve pried his hands off his neck. He seems to have a habit of making things worse or more complicated than they need to be when he’s nervous.

“Or, was my answer not to your satisfaction?” I see the same glimmer of blue in his eyes peek through the darkness cast by the moon, but its flicker seems uncertain and dim. When I release him without a word, the color fades completely. Compared to the day he appeared to beg for help, it feels as if that blue flame of his is wavering.

To stoke the flame, I hook my foot around my office chair and flip it to take a seat.

“Sit.” I lean my arms over the backrest and rest my head in my arms, all without taking my eyes off him. “Tell me more.”

And don’t spare the details.