Darcy’s eyes shot open, hearing strange sounds come from downstairs. He felt a protective instinct take over, reaching toward Monroe with his hand only to find the bed empty. He lifted himself up from the bed, making his way downstairs. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he spotted Monroe. She was in the living room, sweeping the hardwood floors. “Mon?”

She turned to face him as she continued sweeping. “Oh Darcy! Sorry, did I wake you?”

Darcy examined her face, she had dark circles under her eyes, but her expression was wired. “It’s okay. What are you doing up so late?  It’s 4:00 am.”

Monroe waddled around the living room as she picked up the dirt with a scooper. “I’m cleaning. I was up anyway, and I thought the house looked a little cluttered.”

She turned to him with excitement suddenly, Darcy jumped at the abruptness of her action. “Hey! Do you want me to make you some breakfast!?” She asked him loudly.

Darcy frowned with concern. Monroe had been acting a little erratic for a few weeks now. She was rarely sleeping, and it was difficult to get her to settle down. He worried that she might be in the throes of a manic episode, he knew that manic episodes could end in psychosis. He did not want that for Monroe. “It’s a little early for that. Come to bed.”

Monroe walked over to the kitchen table and began organizing everything atop it. “But there’s so much to do. I still haven’t vacuumed the rug.”

“Mon, when was the last time you slept?” Darcy asked her with worry in his voice.

She began wiping down the table, not looking at Darcy as she spoke. “I don’t know. All the days are sort of blending together.”

Darcy frowned. “It’s been days. You need to sleep. I’m worried about you.”

Monroe turned to look at him, smiling at him as she dismissed his concerns. “I’m fine! I’m just extra productive lately.”

Darcy was feeling frustrated, his brows creased as he spoke. “Maybe…maybe you should consider taking your meds.” This had been a point of contention for the past few months. Darcy had been insisting to Monroe that she take her medications, but she refused, fearing something would happen to the twins.

She brought her hands to her stomach, wrapping her arms around her belly. “No way! Not until I give birth! The potential risk—”

Darcy had heard this so many times, he snapped at Monroe, losing his patience. “Potential, Monroe! There’s a good chance nothing will happen. Right now, not taking your meds is actively harming you.”

Monroe felt tension build on her shoulders. Why couldn’t he simply drop it? She was fine and she was not going to risk her babies’ health just so she could sleep again. “Potential risks are enough for me to not take them. I don’t want to harm the babies. I’m going to keep cleaning.”

She turned around to leave, but Darcy grabbed her by the wrist, stopping her in her tracks. “Mon, please. Listen to me.” He begged. “You’re harming yourself and that could also harm the babies.”

Darcy watched Monroe’s facial expression twist at his words. She looked taken aback. He moved his hand to hers. Monroe sighed. He was right. If she didn’t at least attempt to sleep her body would begin to shut down, and she couldn’t afford that while pregnant. “I’m not going to take my meds, but I will go to bed with you.”

Darcy watched her through a frown. “I’ll take that for tonight, but this conversation is not over.”

Monroe turned around dismissively, walking up the stairs as she spoke. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

 After a few minutes of being in bed, Monroe heard Darcy’s steady breathing. He was already asleep. She thought about what he said to her. Could it really be possible that not taking her meds was making her and the babies sicker than she would have been with the medication? Suddenly she felt like she was being irresponsible.

She turned around on the bed, facing Darcy. She watched him breathe in and out, it was the only thing bringing her comfort. I don’t like fighting with Darcy. Am I really hurting myself? Am I hurting the babies? I’m just trying to protect them, but I might be harming them. I miss sleeping. I miss my stability. I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. I just want to sleep.

She felt tears roll down her face and onto her pillow. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling very tired. She didn’t want to think, she didn’t want to dream. All she wanted was to sleep. She fell asleep next to Darcy, her tears still falling as she slept.

When Darcy awoke, he found Monroe sleeping soundly next to him. She looked so tired, she was frowning in her sleep. She’s finally asleep. He looked at his alarm clock. It was 8:24 am. He gently removed the blanket from his body, as he carefully lifted himself from the bed. He made his way downstairs, reaching the living room swiftly. He watched the TV for an hour before he decided to make breakfast. He cooked a few eggs and a couple slices of grilled chicken for Monroe.

He was lost deep in thought as he cooked. I shouldn’t have pressed her like I did. I know she’s struggling a lot. I lost my patience. I guess I’m just worried about her. I need to be more patient.

Monroe was stirred awake by the smells coming from downstairs. The thought of eating made her nauseous. She was still feeling so tired, it’s as if all her energy had been drained from her body. She turned around facing the wall as she cried. I’m exhausted. This is the worst I’ve felt in years. It’s like all these weeks of sleeplessness have caught up to me. I feel so sad. I don’t know why I feel so sad.

She slapped her head in response to her thoughts. Duh, I have bipolar disorder. And without medications…this is totally normal. Why can’t I just be like other people? I wanted to enjoy this pregnancy. Everyone always says it’s a magical time, but I don’t like this. I hate it.

Darcy watched her for a moment as he stood by the door, he had a plate of food in his hands. Monroe’s back was turned; she was facing the wall. He wondered if she was still asleep. “Mon? Are you awake?”

Monroe tried to stifle her cries as she answered. “Yes, do you need something?”

“You’re late for work. I have some food here for you to get your day started.”

Monroe swallowed hard as she tried to compose herself. “I think I’m going to call in sick today. I just…I feel terrible.”

Darcy watched her with worry. “You should eat something.”

“No, I’m not hungry. Maybe later. Right now, I just want to be alone.” She finished.

Darcy turned to leave, he knew Monroe needed her space. “Okay. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be in the living room.”

Monroe heard Darcy leave, his steps became distant echoes. She sobbed openly, feeling as if nothing was anchoring her to earth.

Darcy watched TV in the living room all day, not really focusing on what was happening on the screen. He wanted to clean, but Monroe had already left the house spotless. He checked his phone, it was 7:56 pm. It was a little late, but he decided to make Monroe some dinner. He made her his comfort dish, spaghetti and meatballs, except he replaced the meatballs with turkey meatballs to make the meal a little healthier for her.

He climbed the stairs with the dish between his hands. When he reached the room and he saw her, he felt deflated. Monroe had not moved for hours; she was still staring at the wall. “Mon? I brought you some food. You haven’t eaten anything today.”

“I’m not hungry.” She said evenly.

Darcy placed the plate of food on the dresser beside him. He made his way over to Monroe, sitting on the bed beside her. Monroe felt the bed sink under his weight. She turned around to look at him. His eyes met hers, speaking softly as he did. “I’m sorry…about last night. I lost my patience. I’m just really worried about you. Today, you haven’t left our bed at all. You don’t want to eat. And I know you’ve been crying, I can hear you from downstairs. I don’t think you’re manic anymore Mon, I think you’ve crashed.”

Monroe had tears in her eyes. Had she been manic? Compared to how she felt now, she knew Darcy was right. “I think so too. I feel like my body is an anvil. I can’t get up. I just want to sleep. I miss my medications. I miss the stability I had. Before the medication, I lived like this for twenty-six years, so I thought I could do this for the babies. What’s nine months compared to twenty-six years? But I can’t. I can’t do this. I feel like I want to die. I don’t want to feel this way.”

Darcy kicked off his shoes and laid down next to her, taking her hand into his. “It’s okay, you need your medication. There’s nothing wrong with that. We’ll get through this…together.”

Monroe squeezed his hand. “I held out for five months. I hope the babies will be okay.”

“They’ll be fine.” Darcy reassured her.

Monroe sat up, reaching toward her bedside table. She grabbed her medication which had been sitting next to her untouched for the past five months. She took the glass of water that sat on her table and watched the pills on her palm for a moment. She popped them in her mouth, swallowing them with a mouthful of water.

Darcy pulled her into an embrace, petting her long seafoam hair softly. She cried onto his chest, trying to find the correct words to say to him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult these past few months. I know pregnancy is supposed to be this amazing thing but to be honest I hate it. I love my babies, but I hate being pregnant. Does that make me terrible?”

Darcy separated from her slightly so he could look into her eyes. “Hey, it’s okay to feel that way. It doesn’t make you terrible. It makes you human. I know this whole thing has been very difficult for you. Pregnancy is not the same for everyone. You’ve had an extra hard time. It’s only natural that you hate it.”

Monroe smiled at him; she loved him so much. His words comforted her a great deal. “Thank you for talking to me. I’m going to go back to bed now. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.”

Darcy’s lips pulled into a small grin. “I’m sure it will.”