With a coffee in one hand and an umbrella in the other, he waited for me like he always did.

Johan studied architecture, so his faculty was farther away from the science buildings on campus. It didn’t matter. Every Monday, he came over at 14:45 and waited for me outside. Most of the time, he arrived before I did.

That was where we shared the first kiss of the day.

He always complained that Mondays were horrible because he had to sit through hours of class without seeing me. 

He leaned underneath the umbrella and kissed me before I could make fun of him for not being able to go through fourteen hours without seeing me.

That was more or less how we spent our first semester at university. We studied together, ate together and made love. Sometimes I sat in the architecture building while he worked on his projects even though I understood almost nothing about what he was doing. Other times, he came to the library with me and complained that all the books I needed looked the same.

On weekends, I slept in his dorm room. By then, I had clothes in one of his drawers and my toothbrush beside his. Sunday night, he always walked me back to my dorm even when I told him he didn’t have to.

He always did anyway.

One Monday, instead of walking toward the library after class, Johan stopped underneath one of the covered paths and looked at me.

“Kento, do you want to go to the aquarium today?”

I looked at him. “Again? You don’t even like the aquarium that much.”

“I like the aquarium,” he protested.

“You like watching me look at the aquarium.”

“Same thing.”

He laughed and moved the umbrella higher when I tried to get underneath it with him.

“Okay, fine.” I grabbed his arm. “But this time, let’s eat next door too. The Italian place.”

“Of course.” He looked at me sideways, still smiling. “Everything you want, you get.”

I barely had time to smile before he leaned down and kissed me. His hand came around the back of my neck, keeping the umbrella awkwardly trapped between us until I started laughing against his mouth.

“Johan, the umbrella. You’re getting wet—”

“I know.”

He kissed me once more before pulling away. 

My laboratory work ran longer than it was supposed to. One of my results was wrong and I had to repeat part of it, so when I finally walked outside, it was already 14:58.

Johan was still there. He stood in our usual spot with two coffees in his hands, looking down at his phone.

I smiled and walked up to him. “Sorry.”

He looked at me and put his phone away. “You didn’t answer my texts.”

“I was in lab.”

“For three hours?”

“My phone was in my bag.” I leaned toward him for our usual kiss, but he moved his head away.

I stared at him. Was he pouting? How cute.

“I’m sorry,” I said, laughing. “Did you think I abandoned you in there?”

“I thought something happened.” He finally smiled and pulled me closer by my coat. “You could have answered.”

“I couldn’t use my phone.”

“I know.”

He kissed my forehead first, still committed to being difficult, before I pulled at the front of his jacket. He pointed at my mouth.

“What?” That made me laugh. “Oh, now you want one?”

“It’s Monday…” he muttered as he kissed me properly.

Johan had a presentation coming up, so most of the way he talked about the building he was designing for it. He tried explaining something about the way he wanted to distribute the weight through the structure. I understood the words individually. Together, they meant absolutely nothing to me.

I liked listening to him talk about architecture even when I didn't understand half of it. His whole face changed when he got excited about something. Sometimes he would stop walking because apparently his hands were required for the explanation.

I hadn’t told him, but I already knew that if we ever got married, I wanted Johan to design our home.

I wondered what it would look like. Probably too many windows. He loved windows.

“What?” Johan asked.

I realized I had been staring at him. “Nothing.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “What are you thinking about?”

“Your presentation.”

“You’re lying.” He laughed and bumped his shoulder into mine.

A strand of my hair caught against my mouth. I pulled it away and tucked it behind my ear.

“Your hair is getting long.” He reached over and caught the end of it between his fingers. “It’s past your shoulders now. Are you growing it out?”

“I think so.” I shrugged. “I like it.”

He let it slip through his fingers. “I liked it shorter.”

I looked at him. “You don't like it?”

“I didn’t say that.” Johan laughed. “Why do you always turn everything I say into something else?”

I reached up and touched my hair. “How short do you like it?”

He looked at it again. “I don’t know. Like when we met?”

“That short?” I thought about it for a second. “I like it like this.”

“Then keep it.”

“Okay.”

He took my coffee out of my hand before I could ask why and drank from it. He laughed and put his arm around my shoulders anyway.

A few days later, Johan stopped answering my texts.

At first, I thought about sending him another one just to annoy him after the way he acted when I was in the laboratory. Then I remembered he had his presentation coming up.

I knew where he was.

The architecture building was still full of students when I arrived. I bought two sandwiches and drinks on the way there because Johan had a habit of forgetting that food existed whenever he had a deadline.

I found him at one of the tables surrounded by paper, rulers and pieces of whatever he was building.

“Have you eaten?”

He looked up at me, then back down at his papers. “Yeah… This morning.”

“It’s almost eight.” I put the bag directly on top of one of his papers.

“Kento, you’re covering my floor plan.” He sighed and pulled the bag toward himself. “What did you get?”

“The chicken one.”

His expression changed immediately. “For me?”

“No, both are for me. I came all the way here to eat them in front of you.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

His table was a mess. There were pencils everywhere, two empty coffee cups, and small pieces of cardboard on the floor around his chair. I picked one up.

“What is this?”

“Don’t touch that.”

I immediately put it down.

Johan laughed. “I’m kidding. That’s garbage.”

“Asshole…”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek with his mouth still full.

“Disgusting,” I muttered as I wiped my face.

“You love me still,” he whispered.

I stayed while he worked. After a while, I stopped studying completely and watched him work instead. I liked seeing him like this. He was usually talkative with me, but when he concentrated he became quiet. 

I closed my eyes. I don’t know how long I slept. When I woke up, something warm was around my shoulders and Johan was packing his things.

I lifted my head. “What time is it?”

“Almost midnight. I didn’t want to wake you…”

I sat up and realized his jacket was around me. “Aren’t you cold?”

“No.”

“You’re wearing a T-shirt.”

“I’m fine.” He put the last of his things into his bag and looked at me. “Thank you for staying.”

“Hmm.”

“And for the food.”

“Hmm.”

He leaned down until his face was directly in front of mine. “And I love you very much.”

I pushed his face away with my hand. “Take me home…”

He laughed and grabbed my bag. “Come on.”

A few weeks later, I finished earlier than usual on a Thursday and tried calling Johan. He had told me his group was meeting sometime that afternoon, but I couldn’t remember how long they planned to stay. He didn’t answer. I called him once more while I packed my things and then sent him a text asking where he was.

Yoona was waiting for me outside with a few people from mathematics. They were going to get something to eat and asked if I wanted to come. I checked my phone again. Johan still hadn’t answered.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Hanok. We’re hungry.”

“Oh, I like that place.”

“Then come.”

I looked at my phone one more time. Nothing. “Okay.”

There was no reason not to. Johan was probably still working on his project, and if he finished before us, he could come meet us there. I sent him another message telling him where I was going and put my phone into my bag.

We stayed much longer than I expected. Someone from mathematics ordered a ridiculous amount of food because he insisted we could finish everything, then complained when nobody helped him. I forgot to check my phone for a while.

When I finally did, I had messages from Johan and two missed calls.

Where are you? Kento? Why aren’t you answering? Are you seriously out?

I frowned. “I need to call Johan,” I told Yoona.

I stepped away from the table and called him. He answered immediately.

“Where are you?” He snapped before even greeting me.

“Hanok. I texted you.”

There was silence on the other end.

“So you just went out?” he finally said. “I’ve been waiting for you. I finished earlier and you don’t pick up my calls.”

I moved farther away from the table because the restaurant was loud.  “Okay, but how was I supposed to know that?”

“I called you.”

I frowned harder. “I called you too. You didn’t answer.”

“So you immediately went somewhere with Yoona? You could have waited for me. Kento, I went all the way over to your dorm room for you.”

Something about his voice made me feel guilty even though I still didn’t understand what I had done wrong. I looked back at the table. Yoona was laughing at something and trying to steal food from the plate beside her.

I rubbed my forehead. “Okay. I should have checked. I’m sorry. Do you want to meet up now?”

“No. It’s fine. I’m tired now.”

My stomach dropped a little. “Johan…”

“I said it’s fine. Stay with your friends. Have fun.”

The way he said friends annoyed me. I didn’t want to start arguing with him while standing in the middle of the restaurant.

“I’ll call you when I get back,” I said.

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

There was another small pause. “I love you too.”

I returned to the table, but I didn’t really feel like staying anymore. Yoona asked what was wrong and I told her nothing. Ten minutes later, I said I was tired and left.

Johan was fine the next morning. He apologized for getting upset and told me he had been standing outside in the cold for almost half an hour, which made me feel bad all over again. I apologized too.

I started taking birth control around the fourth month of our relationship. Johan and I had talked about it together before I started. I set an alarm for eight every morning so I wouldn’t forget, usually right before I left for class.

One morning, I reached for the package on my nightstand and noticed Thursday was already half open.

I frowned and picked it up.

It wasn’t only Thursday. Several of the remaining pills had been pushed against the foil enough for it to split. I turned the package over in my hands, trying to remember what I had done with it. Maybe I had dropped something on it. I had fallen asleep with half my things on the bed the night before, so I could have rolled onto it too.

Whatever I had done, I didn’t want to keep taking pills that had been sitting exposed. I took Thursday’s because it had only just opened and threw the package into my bag so I could replace it later.

I mentioned it to Johan when he called me between classes.

“I can get them,” he said.

“Oh. Okay. I need proFav.”

I forgot about it until I saw him that afternoon. He was waiting outside with my coffee like usual and held out a small pharmacy bag when I reached him.

“Here. Did you take the one at eight?”

“Yeah.”

I kissed him before taking the bag and looked inside while we started walking. The package looked different.

I pulled it out. “Did you tell them proFav?”

Johan looked at me. “Yeah.”

“This looks different.”

“They changed the packaging.”

“Oh.” I turned it over to check the name.

“I’m not stupid, Kento.”

I looked up. “What?”

“You told me three times which one you take. Don’t you trust me?”

His tone changed so quickly that I stopped walking. Johan sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Forget it.”

I hated when he did that.

“No. What?”

“Nothing. I went across town to get them for you and the first thing you do is check whether I managed to buy the right thing.”

I looked down at it again. The name was right. So was the dosage. There was nothing wrong with it.

“Okay.” I put it back into the bag. “I’m sorry.”

Johan didn’t answer immediately. I reached for his hand. His fingers closed around mine after a moment. He kissed the side of my head and we continued walking.

I drank my coffee while he told me about something that had happened during his presentation. By the time we reached the other side of campus, the argument already felt stupid.

We passed the sports department on our way. A group of people were standing outside the entrance, talking loudly enough that I heard them before we got close. I didn’t pay much attention to them.

Johan did. His hand tightened slightly around mine. I looked at him, but he was watching something behind us.

I glanced back.

A few of the students were still outside. One of them happened to be looking in our direction and turned back toward his friends when I looked.

I faced forward. “What?”

“Do you take suppressants?”

I almost laughed because the question came out of nowhere. “No.”

“Never?”

“No. Why?”

He was quiet for a few steps. “I think you should.”

I looked at him. “Why?”

“Your pheromones are noticeable.”

That made sense, I supposed. I had never needed suppressants before. My scent wasn’t particularly strong unless I was close to my heat, and I wasn’t.

“Those guys were staring at you,” Johan continued.

I looked back again. “They surely weren’t. You don't know that. And you don’t even know what their secondary sexes are.”

His jaw tightened. I immediately regretted saying it like that.

“And you do?”

I frowned. “No.”

Johan pulled his hand out of mine. “I tell you they were staring at you and somehow I’m the problem.”

There it was again. Arguing. We had started doing it a lot lately. But I didn’t really have the energy for it.

I stopped walking. Johan made it another step before stopping too.

“Kento, please. I don’t want to fight again.”

“Neither do I.”

Johan looked down for a moment before meeting my eyes again.

“I feel like I’m constantly worrying about something happening to you. Or somebody bothering you when I’m not there. Then I say something stupid and you get angry with me.”

Johan touched my cheek. “I love you. I want to keep you safe.”

I knew how anxious he could get. I knew he worried too much and then said things badly. It didn’t mean everything he said was wrong.

I leaned into his hand.

“I love you too.”

His thumb moved over my cheek. “Just look into the suppressants for me.”

I hesitated. I still didn’t think I needed them. But it wasn’t worth another argument.

“Okay. I’ll look into them.”

His shoulders relaxed. He smiled and kissed my forehead. We started walking again, his hand finding mine after a few steps.

I looked back once at the sports building. Nobody was looking at me anymore.