Calixa slammed the door to the room she was sharing with Ezra. “What in the darkened sun is wrong with you?” 

Ezra groaned “It’s nothing.” 

“It is not. I have known you since you were young. You do not call me ‘your majesty’ unless you are upset. You have not called me by my name since we arrived in Evira!”

“It’s my own problem to deal with.” 

“You made me promise you to tell you of my problems because we are friends. It must work in both directions.” 

“What do you want me to tell you then?! That when I thought you were dead, I couldn’t get over the idea that I let you down? That I thought you died again and now you’re just up and about again with barely a scar on your neck and that I resent just how immortal your type are? How you remind me of my own mortality? How, being mortal, I could love you until the ends of the planet and still for you it’d barely be a wisp of a memory?” 

“You- what?” 

Ezra groaned. “I know you don’t… you don’t feel the way I do. I know you do not experience love as others do. As Kovan and Elias. As your parents. I- I tried, Calixa, I tried moving on from you. I just… I need you to know that first and foremost you are my friend. And that is more important to me than anything else. But holy sun above Calixa I’m so f*cking in love with you that I’ve been driving myself away from you just so the relief I have regarding your survival doesn’t crush me to the ground.”

The silence between them was too heavy. 

“You are right. I do not love as they do in tales. I am sorry-”

“Don’t-”

“I do love you as a friend. As my closest friend.” 

“... now you know.” Ezra clenched his fists. “I should like to be alone now, throw some things at the wall, if that’s alright.” 

“What? Why?”

Ezra laughed, feeling pathetic. “Because every part of my soul sees we are alone in a room, and it can’t decide if it wants to hide away from you for a while or to let me be relieved and kiss you like there will be no sunrise or...” he groaned.  

“... You have been hiding since we arrived.”

“It’s been working so far.”

“Clearly,” she laughed.

“What do you want from me?” 

“You let yourself be locked in anger. You let yourself hide away. That is not working for you.” 

Ezra felt his stomach drop. “What are you saying?” 

“Well, I am not against you and I-”

“No- no don’t say it. Don’t give me that false hope, don’t-”

“I do not mean to give hope, I mean to give your soul another opportunity to heal.” 

“It won’t work.” 

“How do you know? Anger is not working.” 

Ezra looked at his friend, stating these things as if it was entirely obvious. 

“I hate this…”

“It will give your mind rest, without meaning anything.” 

Without meaning anything….

Ezra stood frozen for a moment, unable to look away from Calixa. He reached out and took the mask that covered her unseeing eyes off her face. “Sun above, I hate you when you say things like that.” 

Her face in his hands, his lips crashing on hers, her hands in his hair, all things he had suppressed his imagination from reaching. She was so delectable, so cruel.

Nonetheless, he let her part his lips. He let her unbutton his shirt, kiss his neck, move him towards the bed, push him onto it. He let his queen feed herself, likely unfeeling, on his hopeless romanticism. He let her use him, as other guards had in the past. Guards and princes and fae of all kind that he watched walk out of her chamber as he guarded it, sick to his stomach.

Just as he was using her. 

And yet, he couldn’t stop himself from trying to make her understand how much he loved her, in that moment where nothing made sense anyway aside from a notion of physicality. 

To her credit, she was right, it was wonderful, and making his anger fade. But when they steadied after, and he leaned in to kiss her again, she never returned it, shifting away instead. 

It made the anger fade from his soul, only to be replaced by an emotion darker still. 

He wasn’t used to how disgust could crawl at a person. 

And yet there was the one he loved, beautiful as ever, thinking he felt better. 

Ezra sighed and got up, putting his clothes back on. “I’ll be back… I don’t know when. I need a drink. I’ll ask for another room for the night.”

“Ezra-”

“I’m not mad at you. I promise I’m not. Just- just don’t bother.” 

He closed the door behind him gently, rolling his eyes at the smug-looking innkeeper. 

Of course it was raining when he stepped outside.