“I know you feel that. Just be kind, and let me burn that inside you. Let me burn the ashes of this love.”

   Ashes - NEIGTHZ

   Contrary to what I had imagined, anxiety didn’t overcome me as I entered Pavilion YY of the studios, where the final meeting before shooting commenced next week was set to take place.

   At the centre, where the chairs were arranged in a circle, I spotted a few people already in their seats. Some faces were familiar—part of the crew who had been there on the day of my audition—while others were new, a couple of whom I even recognised from the cast list announced on the director’s social media.

   I glanced to the side and saw one of the production assistants I’d met at the audition carrying a box towards a table near the chairs.

   All around us, cameras and microphones were being adjusted by the crew.

   “Nervous?”

   I shifted my attention to Aiko, who for some reason was wearing sunglasses and eating ice cream despite the rainy weather.

   “No, I think today will be fairly straightforward,” I said, staring down at the script in my hands. “Zero worries about that...”

   “Who do you think you’re fooling?” questioned Kang, who was standing right behind me. “I don’t doubt for a second you’ve already rehearsed what you’ll say when Alexei tries to provoke you—or what you’ll say to provoke him. Which of the two is it?”

   I rolled my eyes. As much as it wasn’t a lie—and I had, in fact, thought of potential comebacks for whatever provocation Alexei might throw my way—I didn’t want Kang to be right.

   “I haven’t even thought about him,” I said, squaring my shoulders. “It’s just a job. Nothing like the day of the audition is going to happen.”

   “You said that with such conviction I almost believed you,” he mocked, scooping up a bit of ice cream with a spoon that looked positively minuscule between his fingers.

   “We still have about twenty minutes before the meeting starts, so I think it’d be a good idea to wipe that strange look off your face and be a bit more charismatic with the team.”

   “Charisma is my middle name,” I said, tilting my chin with a tight smile aimed at Aiko.

   She lowered her sunglasses, looking me up and down.

   “Not today, darling. You look like a grumpy teenager standing there with your arms crossed like that.”

   I uncrossed my arms, swinging them to shake off the heavy sensation lingering over them.

   “Are you really going to keep picking on me? Don’t you have any actual agent work to do?” I glanced around for a moment. “Look over there, they’ve got a plant. How about you go see if it needs watering?”

Aiko nudged my arm, making me laugh.

   “Look at that, Kang. Where are you to protect me now?”

   He shrugged.

   “It’s entirely your own fault,” Aiko said. “If you hadn’t nearly gone for Alexei at the audition, I wouldn’t have to play babysitter and make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

   I huffed, shaking my head as I turned my attention towards the entrance—and there he was.

   I looked away before even a second had passed with my focus on Alexei. I wasn’t about to pay attention to how ridiculous that cap looked on him, or how that leather jacket gave him the air of a knock-off bad boy, complete with an even faker smirk.

   “How much is the penalty if we breach contract?” I asked.

   “Just six million, plus two hundred thousand for every day of delayed production caused by your withdrawal.”

   I turned to see Lucien materialising beside us like a ghost. True to form for a Brit, Lucien was tall, his fair skin looking paler than usual today, though his blonde hair and brown eyes were exactly as I remembered.

   I still hadn’t grown accustomed to his colourful wardrobe. His striped t-shirt in shades of blue and green, paired with very light green trousers, made him an absolute fashion catastrophe. As a director, however, Lucien Scott was a genius.

   “He’s not being serious,” Aiko said, greeting him with a brief handshake.

   “O-Of course, I was only joking.”

   Lucien chuckled merrily, allowing me to greet him as well.

   “Joke or not, the withdrawal clause is in the contract,” he said playfully, though I could sense a subtle undertone of seriousness. He stepped closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Ah, how I wish you could see it through my eyes, San. Then you’d see that your pulling out would be the end of this film. It’s no exaggeration when I say you and Alexei were born to play Luke and Joonho.”

   I knitted my brows in disbelief.

   “Do you really think so?”

   Aiko huffed.

   “Honestly, I loathe your lack of faith,” she grumbled. “Do you really think he’d waste time hiring just any actor?”

He hired Alexei, didn’t he... I thought.

   I quickly brushed the thought aside.

   “It’s normal for novice actors to have a bit of self-doubt, but I’m sure you’ll manage your confidence just fine,” Lucien said, giving me a look of quiet encouragement that dissolved the heavy weight in my arms. “Just take all that confidence you have on stage as a singer and channel it into your acting.”

   “Ah, on stage it’s much easier, I don’t have to push so hard. Dancing and singing come almost naturally, but acting is... a bit of a challenge.”

   Lucien smiled.

   “That wasn’t the impression I got at your audition. But we’ll work on that during shooting,” he reassured me. “I’m going to see how things are coming along so we can start the meeting, but we’ll talk more shortly, all right?”

   Lucien walked off towards the crew, who were still fiddling with the cameras. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t deny that part of me was still in disbelief. Having the opportunity to act had never worked out before; rehearsals and all my commitments with NEIGHTZ had always consumed so much of my time that it felt like a proper miracle Aiko had managed to convince KL to let me take these few months off.

   I knew Lucien’s influence had played a massive part when he spoke with the directors at KL, securing a multi-million contract to compensate for my absence from NEIGHTZ while I was off shooting the film. In the end, a good chunk of my pay ended up being docked because of it, but that didn’t dampen my spirits in the slightest. On the contrary, it simply left me in a tangle of confidence and insecurity.

   Jihoon had told me before—as had my therapist and Aiko herself—that it was sometimes as though two different personalities lived inside me. One was confident, dancing and singing effortlessly, charismatic, throwing himself into any job without fear of failure, even if things didn’t always turn out perfectly.

   Yet the other side seemed to second-guess everything I knew how to do. Be it singing, dancing, acting, or simply walking with the conviction of knowing who I was. No matter how much proof I had surrounding me, with people I trusted cheering me on and figures I admired believing in my talent, believing in my own capability remained the ultimate struggle.

   Before I knew it, I had already greeted everyone before taking my seat next to Aiko, who seemed engrossed in her mobile phone. I scanned the room, where nearly everyone had arrived with less than five minutes to go before the meeting began.

   To my left was Erik, a twenty-seven-year-old bloke with dark hair and tan skin, who would be playing one of the friends of Joonho—my character.

   “Excited to start shooting?” I asked, trying to strike up a conversation, just as he had done on social media months ago when part of the main cast was announced.

    He looked up from the script in his lap, adjusting his glasses as a broad smile spread across his face.

   “Ah, blimey! I’m so sorry, I didn’t notice you’d arrived,” he said, offering his hand for a brief handshake.

   I nodded, matching his enthusiasm.

   “Is it too soon to say I loved your last film?” I asked with a hint of hesitation.

   His last film, Even the Stars Dream, in which he starred alongside Phillip Collins. Erik laughed softly, straightening up in his chair.

   “Depends—is it too soon for me to bring in my NEIGHTZ poster and ask for an autograph?”

   “Only if you sign my Even the Stars Dream's poster,” I shot back, even though I knew full well my poster was pinned to my bedroom wall back in Seoul.

   “I reckon we have a deal then,” he chuckled quietly, offering a charismatic smile. “So, which scene are you most excited to shoot? Ah, wait, have you read the book?”

   “Yes, I have, and I’m a massive fan,” I admitted. “I think...”

   I paused for a moment, trying to decide which were my absolute favourite scenes from the book.

   I looked ahead and saw Alexei, smiling as he chatted with a woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties, with blonde hair and a utterly exhausted expression—the exact look I’d seen on Aiko’s face countless times.

   Alexei’s expression darkened, his brow furrowing as he caught me staring back. I saw him tighten his grip on the blue bottle he was holding, as if he had enough strength to crush the metal it was made of.

    “Looks like you haven’t made up your mind yet,” Erik remarked, making me blink before turning back to him. "I know the feeling. I’m really looking forward to shooting a few scenes with the rest of the gang too,” he added, gesturing towards our fellow cast members.

   Unlike me, whose scenes were predominantly alongside Alexei, Erik’s character usually appeared in group setups.

   “Tell me,” Erik began again, “do you think we’ll manage to enjoy Canada outside of filming? I’d love to go skiing for a bit before we head back.”

   “If we’re lucky, I reckon we will,” I said with a smile, as I had been contemplating the exact same thing. “Jihoon’s been there a few times. He mentioned we’ll be right in the middle of ski season, so the snow will be spot-on. We just need luck on our side and an instructor available on the day.”

    “I hope your guardian angel is on your side too,” Aiko chimed in, without taking her eyes off her phone. “You remember what happened the last time you tried skiing, don’t you, San?”

   I huffed, which set Erik off laughing.

   “What happened last time?”

   “Nothing...”

    “Nothing major,” she interjected. “He only dislocated his arm and managed to leave a poor bloke stuck up a tree.”

   “It wasn't as bad as it sounds,” I defended myself, feeling my face burn with embarrassment. “That guy didn’t even get hurt, and...”

   Kang shot me a stern look, hushing me without saying another word.

   “Morning, everyone!” greeted Lucien, walking towards the centre of the circle, and only then did I notice that everyone was apparently present. “First of all, I’d like to thank you all for being part of this project. To me, this film is far more than just a book adaptation. What we’re going to create here is something truly beautiful, and it deserves to be seen by many.”

   I smiled, feeling the passion in Lucien’s voice as he carried on with his speech, bringing a comforting warmth to my chest—a small swell of pride at being part of it all.

    When it was announced that Lucien would be directing the adaptation—long before I had even entertained the thought of auditioning—I knew he was the perfect choice. There was something about his films that managed to masterfully balance real life, fate, and the collision of two worlds, ensuring every single detail (lighting, framing, cast, soundtrack) became an integral piece of a masterpiece.

   Secrets Between Souls carried the very essence that Lucien’s films evoked in those who allowed themselves to live through the stories. It was as though the book’s author and Lucien shared a single mind: one created stories through words, while the other transformed words into images and sound with a unique DNA.

   I shifted my gaze to Alexei, realising that the only thing capable of ruining this film was something so petty, yet it rose in my chest the moment Alexei looked back at me.

   I swallowed the feeling down, taking a deep breath as I focused on Lucien, who was now explaining the locations and schedule in greater detail—though everything had been laid out in the document sent to us alongside the printed script I held in my hands.

   It wasn't customary for films to be shot in chronological order, but there was simply no other way to shoot this adaptation. Beyond being practical—given that the story unfolded across three different countries—this was one of Lucien’s trademark methods.

   His films were always shot in sequence, even if it meant flying back and forth between two countries twenty-three times, as they had done during the shooting of The Letters of Kai—one of his most decorated films, and the one that had earned him his first Oscar for Best Director and Original Screenplay.

   “San, what do you say?” Lucien asked.

   I blinked, noticing everyone’s attention had turned to me.

   Beside him, Alexei remained standing, eyeing me with a touch of disdain, hands stowed in his trouser pockets with a posture that seemed to judge my very soul.

   “S-Sorry, I was...”

   “We haven’t even started working and you’re already lost,” Alexei sneered.

   I swallowed hard, feeling a knot in my brow as I knitted my eyebrows together in an attempt to suppress that bloody heat.

   “Go take the photo,” Aiko whispered beside me, nudging my thigh.

   I took a deep breath, leaving the script on my chair as I stood up.

   “Come on, San, let's take one of the three of us for promo,” Lucien explained, raising a hand to my shoulder and pulling me closer.

   Alexei stood to Lucien’s left, while I remained on his right. I managed a smile, looking at the camera ahead, where a bearded bloke in a cap gave a quick nod from behind the lens—and then came the flash.

   “Splendid! How about one with the whole cast? You two in the centre,” Lucien requested.

   I couldn’t hide it as the smile faded from my face. Even so, I stayed put as Lucien stepped aside, taking the bearded bloke’s place behind the camera while everyone else rose from their seats. Erik was soon at my side.

   “I love group photos.”

   “Yeah, me too,” I said with a laugh.

   An arm draped around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to its owner.

   “Smile, or we’ll have to do it again,” Alexei muttered.

   I held my breath, knowing that if I didn’t, my face would turn bright red, and a photo with a scowl and eyes glaring holes into Alexei wouldn’t look good. So I followed his lead, placing my hand on his waist, attempting to hold the same pose Luke and Joonho adopted in one of the book’s most famous online illustrations.

   “No need to grope me.”

   “I’d rather lose my fingers than touch you,” I muttered back, forcing a broad smile just like Joonho’s in the illustration.

   Lucien beamed at us.

   “I can chop them off for you if you like.”

   “Piss off, Alexei.”

   “Piss off, San."

   The flash went off, and I backed away from Alexei almost the second Lucien announced he had the shot.

   “Everyone in the crew together now,” Lucien called out, keeping me in the same spot. “Aiko, Lucy, everyone, come on.”

   “I must have kicked a dog in a past life,” Alexei muttered, stepping close to me again.

   “If you kicked a dog, I must have set fire to the shelter.”