Author's Note: Please make sure you read the information contained in the chapter 'Index' before reading the rest of the story. Thank you for reading and enjoy ^^.

…now playing: Run by Lydia the Bard.

…warnings: violence ; severe malnutrition ; attempted sexual assault [implicit] ; alcohol abuse [mentioned] ; suicide attempt [mentioned]

“sacred life, bring forth my trials

as perseverance, patience, 

strength and knowledge

because without such 

as humans 

would we even be allowed

to grow, and die?”

 Axel

seven months before the Tower

Life begins and ends in the same way, in a vulnerable raw state where your soul is laid bare in the reflection of your eyes and those who witness it will carry the gaze in your eyes engraved in their memories until they also complete their cycle of life and death.

That’s the truth in which Axel Schäfer lives by, the idea that he’ll never be as vulnerable, as exposed, as he was at birth and will be on his deathbed, therefore, whatever else happens, nothing truly matters. Going to bars on school nights, telling off his superiors at work, sleeping with whoever he’s interested in, living life as a fleeting memory, because isn’t that what life is?

Fleeting and bittersweet?

Why dwell in regrets? None will be carried once you’re six feet deep.

‘’Would it hurt for you to be just a little more responsible?’’ Ignoring the words of his work colleague is also included in his fleeting lifestyle, his ordinary deep green eyes staring deeply at the woman, she’s frowning and speaking more, which he promptly ignores, paying attention to the way her cheeks move as she speaks and the exaggerated gestures of her hands. When will she shut up? He wonders, still quiet. At least she’s pretty enough to fuck, he thinks, holding off a malicious smile. 

In University his nickname was manwhore, a nickname he so kindly created himself, enjoying not only the attention it brought, but also the desire and envy it sparked in others. Women, men, it barely matters to him, what it truly matters is how much they’re willing to beg under him.

The woman stops talking and stares at him, she probably asked a question he didn’t hear as he was too busy imagining her mouth wrapped around his cock.

‘’I didn’t catch that’’, he says, clearly uninterested, his fingers pushing wild locks of his light brown hair back. 

Axel knows he’s good-looking, he makes sure to always be in his best form, his light brown hair is short but still reaches his eyebrows, carefully curled every morning, with a silky texture he reaches with his six-step routine in both morning and night, his skin? The pale white tone carried by his whole family is smooth and no one would ever imagine he is reaching his thirties as he lacks a single expression line in his face. He even wears make-up everyday to make sure there are no imperfections, his skin was never tainted by scars or any kind of modification, even if he enjoys the use of creams and chemicals to enhance his natural appearance, he is just one of those people that were born beautiful and they know it.

Although he has quite the ordinary look compared to others that were born in the same country as him, he still stands out due to his mesmerizing beauty. As a child he was constantly scouted for modeling, but even if he enjoys being the center of everyone’s attention, he never wished to be tied down by restrictions others made for him.

His petty and rude personality always made sure he wouldn’t fall onto the paths of a public persona. Sure, his social media has thousands of followers and he knows exactly how to provoke his audience, yet he never even tried to hide his nasty temper.

Once his eldest sister asked him how he manages to sleep with people when he treats everyone like objects and he simply answered: ‘My beauty is enough for them to let go of their pride as humans, my body is their oasis, the sweetest the sin, the easiest it is to fall and lose your soul in the path. What is the use of pride, when it gets in the way of experiencing the ecstasy that is being in my presence?’ Suffice to say he successfully disgusted his sister out.

Little does it matter, though. When he lives life in easy mode due to his appearance.

The woman repeats her words, and he pretends he agrees with her, just so he wouldn't need to hear her voice any longer. Work is boring as always, paperwork, numbers and words in papers that mean nothing at the end of the day. Marketing is just another way to deceive others to buy something you want them to. In the end nothing they possess will be with them in the void of death.

It takes him two hours of work until he reaches his lunch break, and it takes him less than two minutes of wait until the woman from before reaches him again, this time, she follows him silently towards one of the more secluded toilets of the office.

Her pride that before was brimming to the surface is now buried as he pushes her against the closed door of the stall, swallowing her whole.

There's a saying in the Schäfer family: ‘Two apples growing in the same tree, one is modest, not perfect, but its insides are just as the outside reflects, and the other is the most beautiful of apples, red and pristine, firm and plump, however once you cut it open it's completely rotten in the inside’. Such saying was made by the late grandmother of the two children, the eldest daughter, prim and proper, a ballerina turn vice-president of a prestigious company, married, with kids and with a family that would be perfect for the cover of family magazines, while the youngest is beautiful, mesmerizing, but has a poisonous tongue, narcissistic and will stop at absolutely nothing to get his way no matter the cost, but usually he prefers not having to pay the cost at all. 

And this is a perfect example of such, a man that never cried, never suffered for anything but himself, even when his superiors reprimand him or he treats his colleagues like trash, he's still winning in the end.

Rewarded by a system he learned to control.

Because all he needs to do is look at them, for them to fall onto their knees.

Just like the woman holding back her moans at the office bathroom, just a couple hours ago she was looking down on him, just for now to be pleading with her eyes for more and more.

Being perfect sure does have its downsides.

As Axel will never know if the affection given by others is real or a fabrication of their infatuation with his face. However, it's not like he actually cares.

𓇢𓆸

The obnoxious loud laugh of Axel’s sister, Carina Shäfer, fills the living room as she holds her stomach laughing for a few more moments before stopping. The reason for her amusement? The swollen cheek of her younger brother.

As the woman from her work mistook his interest in fucking her as a interest in her.

“I never actually told her I was interested in her, I just asked if she wanted to accompany me to the toilet”, he shrugs as he eats the grapes his mother bought for them.

“Honestly? Deserved.” His sister nods. “You need to learn to stop playing with other's feelings”, she continues pushing back her long light brown hair. She's the spitting image of her brother, they're often mistaken as twins, except that Axel is the most good looking one, of course.

“What's the problem of just wanting to enjoy the fruits of my perfection?” He asks while leaning back on the sofa.

“Narcissist”, Carina says with a disgusted expression.

“One day you'll fall in love, then you'll understand”, their father says while passing by holding the hoover as he's assisting their mother with the house cleaning.

“We're Germans, we don't have feelings”, he says with a weak smile. His sister hits the back of his head.

“Having a heart has nothing to do with nationality”, she says rolling her eyes. “Plus, we're half Germans”.

“Your father is one of the most passionate men I ever met”, their mother enters the conversation as she cleans the shelves of the living room they're in. “So don't try to find excuses, baby”.

Axel frowns. “I am quite passionate”, he flinches with the incredulous gaze of his mother. “I am!”

“I beg for the day you fall in love and suffer deeply”, Carina smiles, as if she's imagining the scenario. “It's going to be such a delight”.

“Yeah, sure, not going to happen. It would be a loss for the world if my body belonged to just one person”, he smiles proudly.

His sister makes a disgusted sound before getting up. “Well, good luck living your whole life like a slut”.

“Thank you!” He says genuinely.

She sighs. “You're impossible”, turning to her parents she says: “I'm leaving. Going to pick Annie from school”.

“See? What's the fun of settling down and living your life for someone else?” Axel comments, grabbing another grape. “Having kids, marrying, it's all a waste of time”.

“Says the guy that bought a six hundred euro toy for his niece”, Carine shoots back with a mocking expression. 

“I never said having a niece isn't good, but having a kid? Another story completely”.

“Us Schäfer men tend to not believe in love until it hits us”, his father comments again. “I was just like you Axel, until I met your mother on that hiking trip”, he looks lovingly at their mother, their two children wince with disgust.

“Yeah sure, as if that's ever going to happen, I'll be an old man and I'll still be the star of the ladies, that I can say with certainty. A body and face like mine belongs to the world”, he smiles again.

“Whatever, you’ll fall off that high horse one day, and for your sake I hope you're able to get up again”, Carina says, grabbing her car keys. “See y’all at dinner”, she says before leaving.

“Son, I really hope you find your other half one day”, his mother says with a weak smile.

“Mother, I am happy with my life, please stop looking at me with pity”, Axel says, not able to look back at her. “Just because I'm different from you doesn't mean I'm not happy. And that doesn't make you bad parents”, he sighs playing with the empty plate where the grapes once were. “I know you and father sacrificed a lot after Grandma cut ties because I came out…” he drifts off. “And I'm grateful”, he closes his eyes before looking at his mother again. “But I'm ok, I'm happy”.

His mother doesn't seem to fully believe him, but she nods.

The more he tries to forget his teen years, the more he resents them. Two extremely conservative sides of his family, his Venezuelan mother and German father, it was already hard for them to marry each other. But when Axel came out as bisexual at age 16… All hell broke loose, his parents had no choice but to cut all ties with their families as they couldn't accept Axel. And he's thankful, he truly is. But that doesn't mean he's overcompensating for something for being promiscuous, nor does it mean he's like this due to his sexual orientation.

He's simply like this, and it was all 13 years ago, he has no scars from it anymore…

Being free to love who he wishes to was his parents gift to him, it's not wise to let it go to waste.

His love is just a bit different from theirs. His love is for everyone and being with a single person will never be in his plans.