“You can have the bedroom. I don’t mind the couch. It’s your home after all.”

“No, I think you should sleep in the bedroom. You need to rest well and not feel anxious. So, is that a yes?”

“Then, if you insist. I’m not going to turn down the more comfortable room,” I chuckled. 

“No. I meant, are you okay with sleeping over? You didn’t answer me that.”

I looked at him with a questioning face. I already said it would be okay for me to sleep on the couch and accepted the bed, but I didn’t say no to the offer. It looked like he really wanted to hear a clear yes from me.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

He went into the bedroom, took one pillow and a spare blanket out of the dresser and prepared the couch for sleeping. I went inside the bedroom and sat on the bed. 

“I am really beat, I need to sleep right away. I’m sorry for letting you all alone. If you need something, wake me up.” He looked at me for a moment. 

“I’m all right. Thank you, Geonsu. Good night.”

He nodded and left the room. The bedroom was dark, so I could see the light from the living room spilling through the gaps in the bottom rail. A few minutes later, it disappeared. 

I climbed into bed and turned over. I could not fall asleep. As I was tossing and turning on the left side of the mattress, I rolled over to the center. Suddenly, I smelled something familiar, but faint. I stopped and looked over at the second pillow. I moved closer and pressed the side of my face into it. The scent became clearer immediately. Crushed stems. Eucalyptus. That same cool bitterness that had opened my nose in the taxi. 

There it was. Sharp, earthy, dry, and slightly green botanical undertones like a raspy eucalyptus. Geonsu. He slept on this side. Before I could take another breath, there was a knock at the door.

“Kento?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry…” Geonsu’s voice came through the door. “I forgot my work clothes. Can I come in?”

My heart was beating considerably faster than it had been a second ago. “Yeah. I’m awake.”

The door opened slowly. Geonsu paused there for a second before walking toward the wardrobe. He didn’t turn the light on. There was enough coming through the window for me to make him out as he searched through his clothes.

I stayed where I was. I hoped he would not notice my state, but I knew he could sense my pheromones the moment he entered. He didn’t say anything, though. I watched his back as he pulled a shirt from the wardrobe, then another piece of clothing. His shoulders moved beneath his T-shirt as he reached farther inside.

I suddenly felt bad. This was his bedroom. His bed. He was sleeping on his couch and asking permission to come inside his own room because I was here.

“Got it,” he whispered. He closed the wardrobe. “Sorry. Good night.”

“Good night,” I whispered.

The door closed behind him. I listened to his steps until I couldn’t hear them anymore. The room became quiet again.

I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling. My body was tired. My eyes burned, my legs felt heavy and even my skin felt exhausted after everything that happened tonight, but I couldn’t settle.

My heart was still beating too hard. Every few breaths, I became aware of my nape again. It wasn’t hurting anymore, but the gland felt swollen beneath the skin. 

As I turned my head, his pillow was right there. The scent had faded after Geonsu left the room, but I could still find it if I breathed deeply enough. That strange cool bitterness that had settled over me in the taxi.

I moved closer to the pillow on my right and took a breath. My body loosened against the mattress. It really was him. I pressed my nose farther into the pillow and closed my eyes. It was old, caught in the fabric and mixed with shampoo and whatever detergent he used.

I wanted it stronger. The gym bag was still beside the bed. I stared at it for a few seconds, thinking that I really should not go through his things again. Especially his clothes. Especially… since he didn’t agree to it.

I reached for it anyway. I pulled out a T-shirt before I could think better of it and immediately smelled him.

The oregano was warmer here. Eucalyptus and crushed green leaves sat underneath it, no longer sharp enough to sting the inside of my nose. It smelled like him.

Something inside me gave way. My shoulders sank. My fingers loosened around the fabric. Even my stomach, which had been tight since the restroom, finally unclenched. I held the shirt against my chest and breathed into it again.

I buried my nose into the shirt again. Maybe this was enough to finally let me sleep. My eyelids became heavy as I lay down and settled underneath his blanket. 

Then my nape contracted. I gasped when the pain came so suddenly and so badly that my entire body curled around it. It tore through the gland in one hot pulse and spread down the back of my neck before I could even let go of the shirt.

My hand flew to my nape when another pulse hit. I dropped the shirt and pushed myself upright, reaching behind my neck with both hands. My fingers came away dry. No blood.

The nausea climbed higher and I covered my mouth, breathing shallowly through my nose until that made it worse too. I wanted the shirt out of the room. I wanted to throw it out the window. Burn it. Wash my hands. Anything to get him out of me.

I stared at the shirt and felt my eyes burning. My vision blurred slightly as the tears dropped on the white sheets. I had wanted it. That thought hurt more than the pain. I threw it on the floor, frustrated as I tried to keep my sobs quiet. I hadn’t done anything wrong. The worst part was that, for a second, I felt like I deserved the pain. 

Eventually, I moved all the way to the left when the pain started to dull. That pillow smelled like detergent. Nothing green. Nothing bitter. No eucalyptus. I pulled the blanket around myself and curled onto my side.