Resume of journal entry 3. Time stamp: 1:55:32 PM

The bus is filled with despair. Just as I thought I would make it 5 minutes early, a crash had occurred in front of the bus, 8 blocks away from my destination. Maybe if I'd walk my way there I'll at least be a few minutes late, right?. But the bus was filled with people around me of all ages. Making my way through everybody and asking the bus driver to let me out was worse than asking my mom to let me go out twice in the same day.

Social anxiety works differently for everybody in which I cannot explain. What I can explain is my social anxiety. Being next to people around my age isn't something that scares me, it's what their words respond with. And this only happens with people I've never seen before.

Don't get me wrong. I couldn't care less what somebody thinks of me at all. But, saying it out loud squeezes my heart in a different way, very unpleasantly. I don't understand why, it just does. 

Currently, I'm standing next to an elderly man who seems to be struggling to get up from his seat. But he succeeds with enough strength to stand. Though he was looking at me the entire time, I didn't help him. Simply because I believed he could do it himself. Of course if he fell down and couldn't do it, I would help him. But he doesn't know what I'm thinking. And neither do I. He could be cursing at me with his thoughts, but even if I found out I wouldn't care. Yet, if those same thoughts were spoken into reality in front of me, it would hurt me deeply. I think part of it is getting accused of being someone I'm not. If he'd call me an asshole for watching him struggle when I believed he could stand without help, it would definitely sting. But I think the real reason why my heart squeezes itself is mainly for the chance that their insult will come from the heart. And knowing that someone hates me enough to say awful things, I'd rather just stand on this bus, waiting.

"Hello everybody." the bus driver says through the suppressed speakers. "Due to an accident, I have to ask everybody to exit the bus immediately."

Wait, I can actually make it!

Hearing this message gave my legs life. As both the entrance and exit doors opened, I carefully waited my turn to exit the bus without bumping into anyone.

Finally stepping on the street, I looked at my phone. 

"1:57 PM, 3 minutes for 8 blocks. Please." I told myself.

The address was 7 blocks ahead and 1 block to the right. I channeled all my focus to the pedestrian signal, waiting for it to turn green. I made sure to check my surroundings as well, since once I stop I'll never be able to start again.

NOW

Feeling my feet take off from the floor, I almost fell forward from how hard I started accelerating. But once I started running, I couldn't think of anything else but wonder if she's still waiting for me.

Come on, don't stop now!

2 blocks in, I felt the irritation of internal burning on my calves, pleading me to stop at my tracks. I knew I couldn't. Knowing I could actually make it there on time, somebody would have to kick me in the shins to stop. So until they did, I kept the same speed.

4 blocks in, I have 9 seconds to make it to the 5th block before the street light for the cars turn green. If I fail to reach it, I fail to show her that I'm not that type of kid. Which type? The type of kid who leaves you by yourself, without giving a damn about how you feel. 

COME ONNNNNNNN

So I screamed at my body, to give me more speed. And so they did. With only 2 seconds left, I ran with all the will power my body had stored through the crosswalk. Making it in time.

6 blocks in, I see the turn which I have to make. But I can't seem to figure out how to make it. My legs are way past its limits for stopping and running back again. The turn is sharp. I knew I didn't have enough time to stop and walk to the last block. So I decided to gamble it all, switching to the other side of the street from my destination. I pictured what I was going to do perfectly. Once the crosswalk indicator shows me 2 seconds to make it to the crosswalk, I'll start curving towards the right. Losing minimal speed but still running fast enough to make the turn. The only problem was if I time everything wrong, I'll surely get hit by a car. It was either getting there late or hoping to make it on the dot, and that small hope was everything I was fighting for.

Reaching the crosswalk, I had only 1 second to make everything work. 

GO LEGS! GOOOO!

I started curving to the right as the crosswalk indicator hit 0. The street lights turned green while I felt my feet burning. I didn't look back. I ran just enough to reach the other crosswalk, safely making the turn without getting hit. With heavy breathing, sweaty palms, slippery soles, and a wet shirt, I made the finish line. 

"I-I-I made it." I said with heavy breathing.

Going inside straight away, the door entrance made a bell noise, to indicate a customer was entering the shop. It was a small frozen yogurt shop, with other tasty sweets. I looked around the few people that were there to see if she was among them.

She's not here. 

Before I was able to process the whole shop, the bells jingled once more.

"Hey!"

Turning around, I saw her.