Resume of journal entry 3. Time stamp: 2:07:00 PM

Putting others before me is just my personality. I can't change the way I'm wired. Even in moments where I should really let myself be taken care of, I make sure others are fine and comfortable. I don't know whether it is a blessing or a curse. I mean, I help people and I don't expect anything in return. Though, I sometimes ask the world if I'll ever get something back. Whether it's by giving me money, food, opportunities, or even someone to talk to. But if the world were to let me have a  pretty girl who would listen to my problems, even if it was temporary, I would always make sure to keep putting others in front, in hopes to keep her by my side.

"Soooo" I said in an unusual calm tone. "How's your yogurt?"

She walked slowly, any sudden movements or hard steps would cause her yogurt to overflow.

"It's… interesting." she said.

tasting a scoop of her yogurt, her face shrinked, expressing uncertainty. She looked at me with the face of a chipmunk, wondering if she should spit the yogurt out or swallow it.

Interesting my ass, I thought, extending my left hand out to grab her yogurt.

Seeing my hand, she gave me an "Are you sure?" face, while her cheeks kept bulging outwards. I nodded immediately, to make sure she would have enough time to run at the nearest garbage bin and throw up. Even after my nod, her face was still hesitant.

"Hey it's fine, don't worry about it." I assured her.

Hearing those words helped make her final decision. 

"Bleugh" was all I heard before her mouth opened.

I thought I made it clear I was reaching for the frozen yogurt cup. I mean really, who would offer their hand so that you can spit out something YOU picked? And I know what I might say next is crazy, but I didn't mind it at all. Sure, I was shocked and grossed out by the feeling of her mystery yogurt with a hint of saliva. But, as my eyes saw her burst out of laughter while saying, "That was so disgusting! I would've never imagined I was eating frozen yogurt!" The moment of disgust left my body. Just seeing her so happy made me let out a smile. So, if I helped her cause that happiness by just offering my hand to let her release the yogurt from her mouth, I would do it again. 

"Are you crazy???" I said, while extending my contaminated hand away from my body.

Feeling the eyes of everyone passing around me, I grabbed her hand and dragged her to a street more secluded.

Still laughing, she changed her hand positioning to something more… comfortable.  Feeling her fingers between mine, I couldn't help but tell myself that it was only a tease.

Just keep calm you imbecile, she's just high right now

After making it to a street more quiet, I turned to face her.

"Alright what was that fo–"

To be perfectly honest, I think I'm the one to blame for this hiccup. She was laughing hysterically and not paying attention to her surroundings. The only thing keeping her from drifting away was my chubby fingers clenching tight to her smooth sticky fingers. Why were they sticky? I used the hand covered in her yogurt flavored spit to grab her. It was the only hand free, the other hand held "my yogurt". But with all of that in mind, when I made a full stop and turned, I didn't take accountability for the distance, before it was too late. 

Her lips met mine, another feeling I couldn't express. But if I had to say a word to describe it, I would say it felt enough. 

Being so close to her, my body couldn't react with my defensive mechanism of backing away. Why? Because my body didn't feel threatened, it actually felt right at home.

 Before my brain could gain control back from my body, it felt like they were fighting for decades.

"I'm…I'm sorry." was the only response that came to mind.

She looked at me with a serious look, before staring at her sticky hand. Analyzing it, she made an odd smile. 

"I didn't know you got nervous around other people. If you would have told me sooner, I'd give you the address of my house. So that way, you can try more interesting things on me~"

Licking her "I don't even know what flavor" from her hand, I worried she might come close to me and do the same with mine. 

Should I feel relieved she wasn't mad a gross boy like me kissed her, or be worried she wasn't mad a gross boy like me kissed her?

Her eyes shifted towards my hand, causing me to start licking my hand. 

"Hey what the heck? This tastes really good." I said.

As I kept licking my hand dry, the absence of her voice started to bother my ears. So as I looked ahead, her face was fighting whether to show a happy or worried face.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"The frozen yogurt, it was in my mouth…" She responds.

Now remembering why I was here in the first place, I stopped licking my hand. I looked at her lips and back to my hand several times before letting my arm go limp. 

"Wow, would you look at the time!" I said, looking at my invisible watch on my right wrist. "It's time for me to get home."

I was clearly embarrassed and had no other choice but to get out of there. How could I forget the frozen yogurt on my hand was just in her mouth? Long story short, I did remember. But that didn't let my body stop from licking the yogurt clean off from my fingers. I mean of course I had a good excuse. But after reflecting how much of a chud and a weirdo I am, throwing myself away from the conversation seemed like the best reflecting action.

"Wait! It's fine, don't worry about it at all." she said, standing in front of me. "If that's what makes you really happy, I'll mouth feed you the frozen yogurt as much as you like." she said with a "shy" tone.

That… doesn't sound that ba–

"Haha very funny" I fought back.

"Honest!" she reclaimed. "I'll even let you eat off my…" she paused, looking flustered. She moved her feet in place while looking down, causing her hair to cover her face. 

"What are you going to say now?" I asked her with an unsurprised tone.

I'm at a point where I know what to expect. Even though I met this girl 3 days ago, she had already shown me all her playing cards. Defending with my own cards was nothing but simple. 

But I couldn't be any more wrong. Seeing her fondle with her own breasts was oddly… satisfying.

"What are you? But? you're?" 

Not being able to express all my thoughts at the same time made my face hot. Hence, letting her get the reaction she wanted. 

Bursting into laughter, I really made sure I wasn't going to stay anymore.

"I'm out."

This time whatever comes out of her mouth, I wasn't going to stop for any reason. I wasn't mad or upset with her, I actually had to go home. Any second longer would result in me falling straight to the hot cement floor. And I know she'll laugh even harder now if she sees me doing it.

I feel so crippled

"I love you so much," she told me.

Stopping hard, I almost felt both my thighs and my heart squeezing tightly to the point of almost bursting into pieces.

What? No she's just teasing, it's just a tease. She's just acting crazy. Deep breath Miles, deep breaths.

I turned around expecting her mouth to be filled with air. But it wasn't. She gave me a smile. But not her usual one. This smile was different. It was almost as if she was smiling for me, not at me. Seeing her this way made my heart flutter. But deep in my brain I know this was only an act of keeping me reeled in her hands.

I walked towards her as she kept her eyes on me.

"You're a handful you know?"

"Noooo. I can behave, only if you tell me to~" she said with a playful look.

"Hahaha" I faked a laugh. "Isn't that so."

Being face to face with her, I picked up my right hand. A half empty melted mango frozen yogurt cup with half of the toppings still floating. 

"Here, take it."

She looked at me confused.

Like if I was going to let you eat that monstrosity of a yogurt cup.

"Come on, don't look at me all confused. You really think I was going to let you have that?"

She looked at her yogurt before nodding her head. 

Are you serious?

"I didn't think you would care." She said, grabbing my cup. " Now what are you going to eat?"

"Well this of course!" I said, grabbing her "frozen yogurt".

"What? Are you sure? You don't have to eat it!" She told me in a worried tone.

"Hey it's fine, remember? I told you it tasted great for me. So I'll eat it with no problem."

Her eyes were tight on me. She tried to read through my poker face. Scrunching her face in a cute way that almost made me laugh.

"It's fine. I'll be fine. Don't worry." I told her.

I took a full scoop of the frozen yogurt, forcefully opening my mouth and closing it. The yogurt had melted into a drink, so swallowing it wasn’t the hard part. It was the flavor sticking to my tongue that made me want to take my mango yogurt back.

“See? I like it.”

She wasn’t buying it. Her eyes looked at me in disappointment for the first time. Not knowing why, I frowned my eyebrows.

“Are you mad?” I asked her.

Coming closer, she grabbed her arm around me while saying, ”how about we eat it together?” In a sleepy tone.

“No it’s fine, keep your mango yogurt. I’ll finish it.” I told her, looking away from her.

All of a sudden, her phone started to go off.

“Oh it’s my alarm,” she said, looking at her phone. She didn’t turn it off straight away. She looked at it for a good 3 seconds before swiping right to turn it off. 

For some reason, when she looked ahead at me, her hands held the phone tight. Almost shaking due to the pressure.

Do you have to go somewhere?” I asked in an unsure voice.

“Yeah” she said cheerfully, but her smile wasn’t there. “Sorry I'm cutting this short, I thought I had more time. Bye…” 

She released her hands off my arm while the warm feeling in my chest dissolved with it.

Is she okay?

Walking away, I just stood and watched it happen. The run I made to reach her, the pain I endured to see her, the cramps I avoided to keep up with her, and the flavors I kept to keep her smiling, it was all to have her by my side. But once it was finally over I felt like my old self again. What old self you asked? The old self that waits for somebody to approach him. Hoping for one day to be noticed. He stays in a classroom full of conversation and excitement that bounces around everyone, everyone except him. And instead of trying to one day touch that excitement, he waits. Hoping it’ll one day reach him.

“Wait!” I say.

Yet after waiting years for that excitement, he receives something better than small talk or attention. He receives a gift. A gift that sees him for himself and nothing more.

“Will I…” 

The fear of messing up is closing my throat shut, but the fear of losing her helps create an opening to say my last words.

“Will I see you again?” My body spoke.

Looking at me with a look that said “really? That’s what you were worried about?”. She gave me a warm smile while saying. “You better meet me bright and early at the train station! No exceptions!” She yelled in a good mood.

“What?!?! I said, already dreading the fact I have to wake up even earlier. “What time?”

“That’s for you to decide! Trust your gut. Meet me early at the train station on the 1st day of October, Kay?” 

“What? Why so long?”

“If I’m worth the wait you won’t ask why! Just wait for me!” 

She said as she waved her hand high.

“Thank you for hanging out with me! Please rest when you get home!”

Hearing her say that had caused my legs to shiver.

Huh? Did she know my legs were burnt out?

As she walked down the end of the street, she blew me a kiss while giving me a big smile, letting me know she enjoyed today. As awkward as I am, I waved back while giving her a shaky smile of my own. She turned the corner and I let my legs buckle all they wanted. I stumbled every step of the way back to the frozen yogurt shop. 

I enjoyed today. For the first time, I let somebody else take care of me. How? Well I don’t know if you would call it taking care of somebody, but she was the one who paid for my frozen yogurt. Of course, I insisted on paying my share. But when I tried, she told me, “if you don’t make me pay, I’ll make sure I’ll pay you in another way.” in a dark scary voice. I think any man would still pay anyway and take the “other” form of payment, but I couldn’t do it. No matter how much my body begged to. 

“I’ll take a 10 minute rest here” I said, opening the jiggling bells from the door to the yogurt shop.

“What the hell?” I said, surprised.

Forgetting there were people inside, I cupped my mouth. Everyone looked at me, as they would to a crazy person. I dropped my hand while mouthing the words, sorry. 

“Now I definitely have to wake up early.” I said, grabbing her purple backpack from the seat and placing it on my lap.

“She really is something.”

End of journal entry 3. Time stamp: 2:19:05 PM