The next weekend, I stayed at Johan’s dorm like I always did.

Things had been better between us for a few days. We still disagreed about the suppressants, but I told him I would look into them and that seemed to be enough. I didn’t want to argue anymore either.

We ordered food and stayed in his room for the rest of the evening. At some point, we ended up on his bed. I don’t remember who kissed who first, but we eventually stopped talking altogether. 

We kissed for a while.

His hand moved underneath my shirt and mine rested against the back of his neck. We stopped once because he said something against my mouth that made me laugh, then started again.

After a while, Johan moved over me. I remember his hands. I remember letting him move me because he had moved me a hundred times before.

Then he turned me over. I settled against the bed and waited. For a few seconds, nothing happened.

I smiled slightly and turned my head. “What?”

Johan didn’t answer. I waited again. “Johan?”

His hand settled against the back of my neck.

Maybe he was teasing me. Maybe he was deciding what he wanted to do. I shifted underneath him, trying to turn enough to look at his face.

His hand stopped me. “Stay still.”

I did. Something about the way he said it made me listen. For another few seconds, there was nothing.

I waited for him to kiss my shoulder. Touch me. Laugh. Do anything that would tell me what we were doing.

He didn’t. Instead, I noticed his scent. It became stronger. And stronger. I frowned into the sheets.

“Johan?”

No answer. I tried to turn my head again. His hand pressed me back down. That wasn’t playful.

My body went still on its own. He was recessive, so even when we made love, it had never felt like this. The room seemed smaller with every breath I took. At first, I was more confused than scared.

My arms felt strange when I tried to push myself up. Heavy. I could smell my own pheromones now too, reacting to his even though I didn’t want them to.

I struggled harder. His grip tightened.

“Johan! Stop…” My voice sounded wrong. That was when I got scared.

I tried to turn my face toward him again, but he wouldn’t let me. I couldn’t see him properly. I could only feel his hand holding me down and smell him everywhere around me.

“Johan, I’m scared… Please, stop.”

I waited. He heard me. I knew he heard me.

“I do everything for you, Kento.”

His voice was different. I had heard Johan annoyed. I had heard him angry lately. I had heard him raise his voice during arguments. I had never heard him speak to me like that.

“You always need something else. Somewhere else to go. Somebody else to see. Why can’t you give me one thing?”

My voice broke. I tried to pull myself forward again, but he dragged me back.

“Stop! Johan, you’re hurting me.”

His fingers moved into my hair. My stomach dropped. I started crying. 

The pain came before I understood what he was doing. Something tore into the back of my neck. For a moment, there was only pain. Then I felt something warm running down my skin.

Blood. And I understood. He was marking me.

I fought him harder than I had before. I don’t remember what I said after that. I know I begged him. I know I told him to stop. I know I said his name over and over again.

He didn’t stop.

My pheromones were completely out of control. His were everywhere. I couldn’t get away from his scent no matter how I turned my face.

My neck throbbed. My head hurt. My arms started giving out underneath me. I thought I was going to pass out. That scared me more.

I didn’t want to lose consciousness while he was still behind me. I didn’t know what he would do if I couldn’t see or hear what was happening anymore. So eventually, I stopped fighting as hard. I concentrated on staying awake.

My neck felt hot and wet. Every beat of my heart made it hurt again. My tears kept running down the side of my face and into the sheets. When Johan touched my back, I flinched. I stared at the wall.

“Now everyone will know you belong to me. Why are you crying? You said you wanted us to be together…” I heard him get off the bed. “Get yourself together. I’m taking a shower.”

The bathroom door closed. A few seconds later, the shower started. I stayed where I was. I don’t know for how long. I could hear the water. That was all I listened to.

I could hear the shower barely, as I lay limp on the bed. The silence was uncanny. I suddenly realized what happened and that I needed to get out of there. 

I put my clothes back on and tried my best to leave quietly. I was afraid he would come out of the shower and come after me. I managed to get outside the building, but my legs could not carry me anymore. My shirt felt wet from the blood and my vision blurred. 

I don’t remember much afterwards. Someone called the cops because they saw me passing out in the street with blood on my clothes. The next months passed in interviews, hospital visits and courtrooms. Eventually I was told Johan would spend at least fifteen years in prison.

After the trial, I was still in a daze. I would get phantom pain and feel his scent. The first time I went into heat after the assault I had to be admitted to the hospital. 

That day I realized that his pheromones were going to haunt me forever now.