Same shit, different day. The unending onslaught of customers walking through those doors, each one different to each other, One with their poor attitudes, others superiority complexes, some pleasant and actually respectful, and the rest cruel and scummy. Always trying to find a way to cheat the system and scab a free meal off the company. Granted, it’s a worldwide corporation that everyone knows, it can afford a couple of losses.

But they certainly don’t make my life any easier. The over bearing chatter of voices ingrain into my head, the loud beeps of the fryer and grill pierce my eardrums and the nauseating smell of human sweat mixed with grease. My stomach churns every time I take a breath. Finding it unbearable to breathe each shift.

From one cess pit to another. Work is a little better than high school, but I can’t stay here. Already I feel the walls closing in on me, trapping me. I feel like I am forced to walk this path and never escape. I can’t wear what I want. I have to act and speak a certain way. It’s the same things all over again. Nothing has changed.

“Ceres,” I snap out of my thoughts, looking up and seeing my shift manager with their hands on their hips. “Did you clean up the dining room, like I asked you?” She asks me.

“I did.”

“Then why is it a pigsty out there?” they shout, pointing to the customer area.

“There were people in there still. They must’ve just finished,” I reason. My manager looks like they were about to spew lava from their head as her eyes pop from their skull.

“Not a good enough excuse. Clean this area properly!” she orders, and march off into the back area. I bite back my frustration and boiling resentment, picking up the clean cloth and spray to clean the mess the customers had made.

I said I wanted to explore my options; I wanted to have a normal job, but I don’t think I can last much longer.

⋅•⋅─── ⊰⋆☽⋅☆⋅☾⋆⊱ ───⋅•⋅

I walk through the familiar glass doors. Recognising the burning feeling all over my body as I walk to the elevators. Red eyes judge me from afar, whispering to each other in disgust. Day in and day out, residence of this building learnt of my existence and what I really am. Word travels fast and far when they learn an anomaly exists in the universe.

‘I can’t believe he let it stay here.’

‘This is the halfbreed, yeah?’

‘Did it put a spell on our king?’

‘This thing is too dangerous to live.’

“Oi! Halfbreed.” I kept my eyes on the steel door, ignoring the fuckwit.

From the corner of my eye, a burly vampire approaches me, sharp canines exposed, clawed hand ready to slice my flesh to ribbons. “What the fuck did you do to our king?” I give the vampire the side eye. “No way he would let something like you live!”

“Funny I should be asking you the same thing, considering he let someone dumb as you live here,” I growl. The vampire didn’t take kindly to my answer and takes a swipe at me. I swiftly duck from his grasp, and grab hold on to his wrist, tightening my hold. The vampire sniggers, gripping hold of my wrist, releasing himself from my grasp.

“Used to fighting little humans, aren’t ya?” he laughs. “You’re playing with real predators now.” I hear a crack and a sharp pain shoots up my arm. I grit my jaw, refusing to scream. The creature giggles, sharp fangs exposed. “I’m gonna tear you limb from limb.”

The elevator signals its arrival; the doors open wide and I swing the vampire off me before launching through and slamming the steel doors shut. Punching the buttons up to the second highest floor. The vampire slams against the doors.

“When I see you again, you’re dead! You hear me! Dead!”

My heart races, beating into my chest and shake as adrenaline courses through my veins. I feel the pain recede in my wrist, bones mending and nerves healing. I fall to the floor, breathing through the ordeal. Counting each breath, in and out.

I hear the shadows laugh in my ear, mocking me for my weakness.

“Shut the fuck up,” I hiss, lifting myself from the ground and watch the illuminate numbers change.

I step through the open doors and the other residents make themselves scarce. Some refuse to make eye contact and use the second elevator, others stop mid conversation and head inside their homes to continue whatever they were speaking about.

Once more, I feel like I am back in high school. No one wants to associate themselves with the freak.

I trudge to the end of the hall, unlocking the familiar cream painted door, and let myself in, and close the door with a resounding thud. I move my wrist and feel along my bone to find the fracture has healed. Perks of having supernatural healing.

My apartment is the same as I left it. It is a spacious wide open area, with a large balcony exposing the city view, a small lounge and dining room, with a modern kitchen built next to the entrance and down the hall is a large central bedroom and bathroom.

A quiet washes over me, stilling my body in place. A hollow echo swirls inside of me, as if my mind is silently screaming in a blackened void of nothing. I reach for chest, resting my hand over my heart, feeling it beat steadily. Alone. I am alone.

No Nic to come round the corner scolding me, no Zack to knock on my door and wanting to come play video games. No high school to attend and pretend I like it. No. It’s all different. Living in a complex surrounded by vampires who hate my existence, a dead job with no prospects.

I take a shaky breath, the silence of the apartment encroaching itself around, suffocating me, letting the dark thoughts I have pushed to the far depths of my mind to spill out. Whispering its dark promises, its sweet temptations.

You could just leave it all

Why bother

No one wants you

This world would be better off without you.

No more pain, no more suffering. I would be at ease.

I felt the ache in my chest where my hand is resting, recognising the lump in my throat and the warm salt running down my face. Bringing me back from the void and washing away the numbness. Pain. Pain is good, pain is an anchor, an anchor to feel, a reminder not to be lost in the void. To be lost in the void is to benumb and pretend, the pain you feel is not there.

I let out a ragged breath, taking a step forward, grabbing the stereo remote and play the songs grounding me to my feelings, letting the emotions pass through. Drowning out the silence.

Nic would have yelled at me to turn it down or change it to something less depressing or complain the music is crap. Zack would ask to put his own music on next, taking turns on whose music plays. A smile creeps on my face, looking forward to the video call tonight. It’s been over two weeks since we last spoke. I wonder what he has been up to?

I change out of my uniform and shower, washing away the day, singing along with the music playing in the background. Pretending I am in a music video, playing out the emotions I feel with the song. It’s an unusual cathartic way to deal and process emotions but it helps. When the song ends, I step out, get changed, turn the music off and head out.

I wait for the elevator, using the key card given to me by Syrus, and head to the top floor. As the doors open, I am met with the familiar apartment. The sunset in the distance of the city, the warm lights filter through. I head down the dark hall to the vampire's office. I open the door and find it empty.

Furrowing my brow, I close the door and head back the living space and sit on the sofa.

Rune waltzes down the stairs. He stops at the bottom and stares at me. “If you're looking for my dad, he’s not here,” Rune announces and walks over to the fridge.

“I know,” I reply, leaning against the soft sofa pillow once more and staring out the window.

“Then why are you here?” he asks me, and I hear the fridge door opening and closing. I remain silent, trying to figure out the answer myself. I partially came here to ease the hollow ache in my chest, hoping to remedy it by surrounding myself with others.

“Do you ever feel ... stagnant?” I hear a chuckle come from the kitchen.

“You’re asking if an immortal creature that doesn’t age if they feel stagnant,” he laughs.

“You know what I mean.” Rune remains quiet, and I hear him opening the cupboards, the aroma of sickening sweet blood gripping my nose, and the sound of the bin opening and closing.

He walks over to the sofa and plonks himself across from me, a glass of blood in hand with ice cubes inside.

“What sparked this?” I look away from his piercing gaze, focusing my attention on the black fabric of the sofa.

“I feel ... stuck, trapped, like I’m going nowhere. Just going in circles, day in, day out, the same thing over and over? Like I am wandering in the dark, and there's no light to guide the way.” I return my gaze, Rune looks at me sombrely, before taking a sip and nod to himself.

“In all your life, you’ve been raised by someone who dictated how you should live. He laid out a path for you to follow, crushing everything else that would hinder it.” The ache that was once dull, come back, tearing through my heart and leeching into my veins.

“Then why do I feel trapped?” I cough to clear my throat. Rune purses his lips, looking out to the window in thought.

“Do you like your job?” I raise my brow at the vampire with a stern look. Rune looks back at me and notes my silence. “It’s obvious that you don’t,” he sighs.

“I feel trapped there the most,” I answer. “Like chains wrapped around my wrist, holding me down. It’s so, so ... soul-sucking. It’s even harder when you know about the supernatural and work in a place that is ... normal. It’s hard to pretend there isn’t a secret society of vampires, werewolves and Magiqs.”

 “Why didn’t you take my father's offer?” he takes a mouthful of his cold refreshment whilst raising an eyebrow at me. I clench my jaw. Feeling the pressure build in my eyes.

“I wanted to find my own path,” I whisper. “I felt like he would have won.”

“He wouldn’t,” Rune replies. “You be hunting the right vampires, not us,” Rune gives a smile, but I couldn’t force myself to grin. Rune sighs once more and gets up from the couch. “Sit on it. Unlike humans, you have all the time in the world,” he shrugs and returns to his room upstairs.

⋅•⋅─── ⊰⋆☽⋅☆⋅☾⋆⊱ ───⋅•⋅

“Hello? Can you hear me?” asks the voice coming from the pitch-black screen. I laugh, pressing the volume key.

“I can now, but the screen is still black,” I reply, hearing crackling and swearing on the other end.

“I swear to god. They need to update their technology. Kieran!” I laugh harder. Hearing the two talk to each other, both cussing at the computer.

The screen turns on, the familiar mop of black hair comes to view, and an unfamiliar brown fringe shows up. Both Zack and the brown fringe take a step back and smile.

Zack waves at me, his hand moving in a blurred motion. So does Kieran. Zack growls at Kieran and points out of the screen. “Out,” he demands. Kieran puts his hands up in defence and walks out of view. “Now that we are alone. How are you going?” he asks me, moving his head around. I look back, thinking over the last six months. Moved into Syrus’ apartment complex, get my very first job. It’s all new, but something is off.

“I’m going ok. Just been working. You?”

“Great! I got into a photography course, met some really cool people, we’ve been bar hopping and they’ve been showing me around these really cool places. I can’t wait to show you. I know you would love it.” I give a weak smile, feeling this black hole forming in my heart and envy gripping at my throat.

You’re left out.

He’s forgetting about you.

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you! I’m glad you made some friends over there, and see, I knew you would get into Uni. You’re a photographer.” I push down the pain and kept smiling.

“I know, I know, but I’m glad it worked out. I just can’t believe it’s happening. Like I always wanted to do this and ... now I am.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Anyway, enough about me. What else have you been doing? Had a chance to explore more of Brisbane?”

“oh, um...” no. “Yeah, I have. Went to a bar the other night.” They didn’t want me there. “Been trying to meet new people.” I’m a halfbreed. Humans don’t want me around, neither do the vampires. “But you know me. I prefer to be at home, watch MyTube and catch up on some games.” I shrug. Zack chuckles.

“Man, that sounds so good, right now. I have been on my feet nonstop, uni, work and socialising, I need a day where I can just veg.” A smile graces my lips, unable to resist Zack's infectious laughter. He stops and his eyes widen as he stands. “Shit, I gotta go. I promised some friends we’ll go hunting. Talk to you later?” Zack smiles.

“Yeah no, it’s chill. Have a safe hunt.” I grin through the hole opening in my chest. Zack nods and disconnects. My smile falls, and the hole grows more. Rising from my seat, I walk over to the window, watching the city below. The sounds of sirens, cars, and people fill the settling cold air of Brisbane.

The claws of loneliness sink into my chest. It becomes an ache that doesn’t want to heal. A painful lump grows so large in my throat that it hurts to swallow. Stagnate, lost, and uncertain. Am I on the right path? Is this what I want to do? I feel so lost and when I ask what I do; I am only met with the same answer. “It’s up to you. You decide what you want.”

What do I want? I have my freedom, but yet I feel so trapped. Will I be in this job for the rest of my days? Will I live my life like a ghost, lost to history, only to fade away from existence? Already I can hear the critic scold me. I take a shaky breath and look around my charming apartment; I live in rent free, I have a job, to pay for food and luxury items. What do I have to complain about? You have a nice place, a job, people would kill to be in your position! I have nothing to be sad about. I collapse onto the couch, curling into a little ball.

Nothing, yeah? Why do I feel so hollow? Why do the bad thoughts keep coming? Why does this ache of loneliness consume me every night? Why does the envy of my ex peers rears its ugly head as I see them all follow their dreams?

I just want the pain to go away.