Unbearably boring; that was how Vi saw his life at the moment. And yet, there was not a moment of peace in it, even after a long day at a dreary job that he didn’t quite care for. Not when his mother waited in the living-room like an all-knowing sage, ready to send him off on his next errand.
“There’s a little map behind this receipt,” Professor Desakshi waved a piece of paper at her son. “All you have to do today is pick up a list from this store.”
Stepping into the living room, the young man slouched and dropped his work-bag by his feet. “Can I please rest before you send me away to find lost treasure,” Vi sighed as his mother pressed the receipt into his hand.
Professor Desakshi—Mom, grinned at him. “Lost treasure indeed, darling,” she chuckled. “It won’t take you long, I promise.”
That’s what you say every single time, he sighed.
Vi narrowed his eyes at the neat, hand-written receipt. Airavara Bookstore, he read to himself, realizing that he’d never heard of the place before. Still worse, the order read like it could be anywhere between a handful of books and a whole truckload of them. “So…will they deliver these books in the end, or will I have to drive there?”
Mom tilted her head, deep in thought as she narrowed her eyes at him. Vi raised his eyebrows back at her, because he knew that look very well. Mom was cooking something up in her head, and he could bet good money it had nothing to do with university lectures.
“Tell you what,” she began slowly. At that, Vi screwed his eyes shut and tipped his head up as if he were in pain. Oh Gods here we go. Whatever Mom followed with ‘tell you what’ always guaranteed some sort of mess. “Don’t drive, just walk there and pick it up in several trips, yes,” Mom nodded, more to herself.
Vi stared and blinked at her several times; his usual routine when he couldn’t believe his ears. Or Eyes. “Are you serious Mom,” he frowned. “All that when I could just drive there in one go,” he crossed his arms.
Mom gave him a firm smile, mimicking his gesture. “There’s a beautiful new riverside path along the way, you know. The one near the old River Shrine.”
Aaaand there it is, he sighed.
Between a brief stint in juvenile jail, moving schools and cities, working odd-jobs and skipping classes, there was a time when Vi’s life was nowhere near unbearably boring. At the same time, it had been a terribly rough sail. Thanks to all of that, Mom had learned to become sneaky with how she dealt with her ‘difficult’ son. What seemed like silly, annoying errands on the outside, were more of little trips around the city to hopefully make him ‘fall in love’ with the place. It was Mom’s way of making sure he wouldn’t want to leave again. A sad smile tugged at Vi’s lips.
As beautiful as it was, Vriya City would never be home to him again.
“Yes Professor,” he shoved his hands into his baggy trousers, receipt and all—until it crumpled against a small book inside his large pocket. Sucking his teeth, he carefully unfurled the receipt and withdrew his hand. That was close.
His mother’s sharp eyes didn’t miss the outlines of the little book inside his pocket though, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “Still carry your little diary around, do you?”
“Of course,” he grinned. He lied about it every single time, because that little book in his pocket was a precious secret.
To say the least, it saved his life during his brief time in juvenile jail. That little book was directly responsible for his good behavior, resulting in an early release from the institution. Ever since then, he carried it around like an amulet.
A secret diary was what it was; he told people as much if they ever saw him with it. It was enough to keep most people away, thank goodness. Because if someone were to peek into the little book, they’d quickly find out it was not a secret diary. Nowhere close for that matter.
Worse, he was sure they’d cry from laughing too hard. Especially his mother and sister; he was sure they’d spend the rest of their lives cackling and teasing him about it. It truly was his ‘secret’ diary then, for all intents and purposes.
“It’s my good-luck charm,” he added. And he wasn’t lying. But carrying that book around also felt like owning the most comfortable pair of undies in the world with an expensive-looking waistband. Except that the actual cloth had the most dumb-ass, goofy-looking patterns on it. Right as he began to delve deeper into that allegory, his mother’s voice reeled him in.
“All right then. So back to my order, I don’t need these books until the end of the year, so there’s no need to hurry…but it’s best to get started on it. I need to see the list and confirm what I need. Yes?”
“All right,” he sighed as he began climbing up the stairs, work-bag in tow. “Let me go wear something that won’t make me look like I’d rob them,” he groused, patting his dark, baggy clothes.
“No need to look too fancy to impress them dear, Mr. Airavara is an old man.”
Vi could hear the teasing smile in Mom’s voice, but when he turned to glance at her, she instead looked troubled. He paused, wondering what was wrong.
“You know these people,” his question was more of a statement.
“I used to,” Mom’s voice wavered for a moment. “Mr. Airavara’s wife was a private tutor, she used to teach your Uncle and I when we were little,” she said softly. “Math and Language. I went to school with their eldest daughter too. And oh, they also had a tiny daughter!” She opened her mouth to say more, but something flashed in her eyes and she pressed her lips into a sad smile. Vi frowned at the sudden halt.
“A tiny daughter?” he asked, equal parts curious and confused.
Mom chuckled. “Well, the eldest and youngest are over twenty-five years apart,” she said. “The eldest daughter was already married and had her own child when the little-sister was born. Imagine that!”
Vi’s eyebrows arched. “I’d fight someone if I had a nephew or niece who was older than me,” he shrugged. Absurd as it was though, it wasn’t too uncommon around those parts, especially in the past. “It sounds cute and annoying at the same time.”
“Not so cute in their case though,” Mom sighed again. “Because Mrs. Airavara passed away shortly after giving birth.”
Vi grimaced at the fact, shaking his head. “Gods, that’s rough,” he muttered. “I’m sorry…that’s not cute at all…” his voice trailed, trying not to imagine what it would feel like.
“Rough indeed,” Mom looked away, twisting her lips. “Some lives are set up in strange ways.”
Wouldn’t you know it Mom, Vi thought to himself, a stiff sadness settling over him. Mom knew all too well how much life could turn upside-down after losing a loved one. But unlike Mrs. Airavara who surely loved her little daughter, he doubted his father ever felt anything close to that towards Mom. Perhaps it was entirely wrong to compare.
“Well,” Mom waved at him. “That’s that. They probably have my list ready by now.”
“Sheeeeesh,” he grumbled, pausing on the stairs. “I was hoping to drink some tea first.”
Mom gave him an annoyed look. “Plenty of tea-shops on the way there,” she pointed towards the door. “Besides, I never saw you complain when your weird jobs called you in at odd times,” she rued.
“Weird jobs that paid me waaaaay more than Uncle does now,” he retorted. Pay was probably the second-worst thing about his current situation. The first thing being that work was so boring he could cry.
Mom rubbed her hand against her forehead. “He’s going to hand over the entire business to you, Gods! Why can’t you just…” she paused at that and pursed her lips, as if she thought better than to continue.
The unfinished ‘Why can’t you just listen to me and settle down?’ hung heavy over Vi’s head. He leaned against the wall, contemplating what to say. At the end of the day, part-timing at heavy construction sites and dockyards didn’t fit in with the business-heir future that his Uncle and Mom had set up for him.
“I signed up for that business course, didn’t I?” he reasoned. “I do listen to you!” He could never tell her that with each hour that dragged on in class, he wished he was hauling cargo, handling machinery, or doing literally anything else. But, no. No more of that. “All those jobs were well and good,” his uncle had told him. “But this work is far more important for you.”
And so now he split his time between working at his uncle’s company and sitting through that god-awful university course. Far worse than his previous jobs, he was now grossly underpaid, constantly lectured, and paid more with solid food than liquid cash.
He gave his mother a pained look. “What more do you want from me, Mom?”
“I want you to be happy,” Mom mirrored his expression again. “I want you to help your Uncle run the business, I want you to get married, raise a family—”
“That first wish contradicts the other three,” he chuckled. “But sure, whatever you say, Mom.” He left the wall and began trudging up the stairs.
“Vicchu, stop being like that,” Mom pleaded. “I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. Just like for Lavi,” she said, gripping her arm, her voice taking on a depressing tone. “My only wish is for you and your sister to settle down with good people; good people who will cherish you.”
He paused on the steps, pressing down a bitter laugh. Cherish me for what?
When people liked him, it was for the most shallow reasons. It usually came down to his face, his family’s wealth, and whatever they could see of his body. But as soon as he opened his mouth, they’d flinch right back, and he preferred it that way.
There was peace to be found in solitude, the kind of thing most people could never give him. He hated cheap smiles and friendly, prying voices. Hated how those smiles and voices vanished the moment life got difficult. A wife, then, would be nothing more than a stranger who’d harbor the same expectations that his family did.
Unlike his little book. The ridiculous words within its pages were far more real than the fake smiles and winks that came his way.
“You’re better off finding someone for Lavi, since she at least wants to get married,” he looked back at Mom. “I could care less for myself.”
“Vicchu,” Mom’s voice rose with alarm. “You have to take responsibility! Look, you turn twenty-two soon—”
Vi nearly fell off the steps as he spun to address his mother. “I just turned twenty-one,” he snapped, voice cracking into a laugh. Mothers had no business getting their children’s ages wrong, but here he was. Mom simply crossed her arms and gave him a defeated look.
“Twenty-one today, thirty-one tomorrow,” Mom said in a sombre tone as she looked away. Vi shuddered to think it was from experience. “Blink again and you’ll be forty-one and then—”
The wooden steps nearly cracked from how hard he took off. “I’ll be down in a minute,” he huffed, racing up the stairs so he didn’t have to hear the rest of it. The last thing he needed was an existential crisis after tallying numbers, sorting documents, and getting lectured all day for being rude to clients.
On the one hand, he knew that Mom didn’t deserve to go through anymore hell than she’d already been through. But on the other hand, her plans for him seemed like a setup for the most dull life he could ever imagine. But dull was safe; dull was good; dull wasn’t difficult. He knew he had to settle down eventually, one day soon. At the very least for Mom and Lavi’s sake. But he hated how expectations and responsibilities hung over him like a heavy raincloud. If only it were for a life he wanted to live, he’d welcome it all.
He dreamed of running away someday. From this place, from whoever his family would force him to settle with, and from this unbearably boring future. He thought about it every time he walked by the beach at sunrise, watching the waves crash and swirl by the rocks. It was a stupid, dramatic, boyish dream, one that he’d have to burn someday soon.
Trudging up the last flight of stairs, his hand pressed tight against the comforting, anchoring little weight of the book.
[A/N: Thank you so much for reading!]
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