Resume of journal entry 4. Time stamp: 9:02:00AM

At some point, everyone has felt embarrassment. Whether it's by realizing you shouted the wrong answer during class, mistaking someone for somebody else, saying the wrong things in front of the wrong people, or doing something totally absurd that you wish you were dead. But why do we feel this way? Why do we feel embarrassed?

If we go from a general reasoning, it would most likely be, "Embarrassment is a self-conscious emotion that arises when we believe we have violated a social norm or made an unintentional mistake in the presence of others".

I believe that this reasoning is accurate for my case at least. Most of the time, I make sure to be perfect and prevent anybody else from having their peace violated. But if I'm ever between helping someone or being self-conscious of making a mistake, I'll mostly likely focus all my attention on helping someone. Why? Great question! I don't understand why either.

I always feel great after helping somebody. Whether it's helping with directions, carrying their bags up the stairs, tutoring them on a problem, or giving up my seat on the bus. I'd rather see the face of somebody happy and cheerful than to prevent myself from feeling embarrassment. Still, I can't shake the embarrassment of lifting that girl up. I thought I was making the right move and even asked her if I was doing what she wanted. I really did try to make her feel better, from calling her puny. It was the least I could do. But ever since I told her those last three words, she hasn't came inside the classroom. I don't know whether it was for the reason I told her that I loved her, or it was already too late to enter the class. But when I tell you that I felt embarrassed for making her uncomfortable, I really mean it. Since I entered that classroom, the eyes of everyone who stared at me didn't affect me one bit. Why? Because the embarrassment that happened before hand had killed all the anxiety. Hence, my thoughts replayed the moment of my hands, locking under her bust again and again, with no way of stopping it.

"Ding ding ding!"

The school bell rang, indicating that first period was over.

Picking my head up from the desk, I looked around the classroom to see all the students getting up from their disarranged seats, running straight out the door. I rubbed my eyes with itchiness.

Class is over that quick? I thought.

I stood up with my backpack, that hasn't been opened, and started walking my way out the classroom.

Now I'm scared to meet her again. I thought, with my body shivering from the embarrassment.

"Miles." my teacher said.

Uh oh

I turned around slowly while "admiring" the walls of the classroom that I've seen many times before. 

did she realize I was hiding her?

"Yes ma'am?" I asked.

I started to walk towards her, keeping my pupils pointed at her, but not at hers. Once I stood Infront of her desk, she said "What's going on? You've been keeping your head down and sleeping during class. Do you want to explain yourself?"

Without being too obvious, I let out a sigh of relief.

So she didn't see her, good.

"I'm sorry Miss, I know it's disrespectful of me to sleep in your class." I said with sincerity. I didn't want to tell her I wake up at 6AM everyday to make it to her class 20 minutes late. She seemed like a very nice young teacher. Giving her something else to worry about from her 20 undisciplined freshman students would make me feel worse.

"I promise to stop sleeping in your class." I told her.

She gave me an exaggerated sigh before leaning down, to open a drawer from her desk. Scuffling through the papers in the drawer, I noticed how awfully messy and fizzy her hair was. 

Wow her hair is really fizzy. Does she also lack enough time to fix it?

"I know it's only been 2 weeks since the first day of school." she said, coming back up with classwork papers. My classwork papers. "I've noticed from all 5 assignments I've given you, all 5 assignments you've answered perfectly. And after answering all 5 assignments, you've fallen back to sleep on your desk with a drool on your face."

She stares at the small drool line under my mouth while I start to rub it off.

"Yeah. I thought I could take a rest after finishing my assignments." I told her.

She lays back on her chair in the most unprofessional way possible, while giving me a warm smile.

"I know you're struggling with getting here everyday."

My poker face makes an awkward expression before trying to look away from her serious glare.

"I couldn't possibly know what you mean." I said in a "I'm caught" tone.

She laid further back on her chair while crossing her legs together. Looking straight at my backpack, she asked me "Do you carry that bag for more than an hour to school?"

Huh? Why would she ask me that?

Surprised by her sudden question. I shook my head while saying "No?".

"Don't lie to me Miles." she said in a tired tone. "Every time you sit on that desk, you start massaging your own shoulders for 5 minutes, while showing a pleasurable face." she said, almost smiling.

"Hey! Shouldn't you be getting ready for the next class?" I said, to prevent myself from getting embarrassed.

"Now now, I'm not trying to make fun of you. I'm just telling you that you have it hard."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're frequently coming late to my class, so I decided to do some research on where you were coming from."

"You can do that?"

"I can do almost anything," she said, stretching her arms up in the air.

Woah. I thought, hearing her make relief noises during the stretch.

"And after seeing you're address. If I had to guess, you need to wake up at about 6AM every single day. Am I right?" She said, showing a face of certainty.

I looked at my graded assignments.

There's no point in hiding it now.

"Yes ma'am."

She gave me a sweetening smile before grabbing my assignments.

"Alright. Here's what I can do." She said, putting my work back in the drawer. "You can come late to class all you want, and I'll mark you on time."

"Wait, really?" I exclaimed, with my eyes widening.

"Yes, only if you promise me you'll still come by and collect your assignments." 

"That's it?"

"Also, your grades for all your classes must be above 90 at ALL times." she said in a commanding voice.

This very moment almost feels like a dream. Getting an opportunity like this is something I never thought would happen to me. Not only will I have more time to rot in my bed, but walking around the school will be much easier, with my eyelids becoming lighter from the extra sleep.

"Thank you so much Miss. I really appreciate what you're doing for me." I said, leaning my head down to express my gratitude.

Finally sitting up properly, she let out another sigh. But this time, her sigh was more of a relief than frustration.

"Please, next time don't be afraid to ask for help. The last thing I need is for a half alive zombie to walk inside my classroom."

I smiled, with the fact that she made my whole year better in a simple minute. "Thank you miss…"

"No need for 'Miss' Miles, we're about the same age. Just call me Sophia."

"Oh alright, thank you Sophia–wait what?"

We're around the same age!? 

My mind exploded before thinking how a teacher like her could be around the same age as me.

"Ah, if you don't mind me asking. How old are you?" I asked, thinking of my own number in my head.

Come on, about the same age? I mean yeah, she's very mature and stunning. But there's no way she's around my age. She has to at least be in the 20s.

"I'm 16" She says, laying back on her chair. 

"WHATTTTTT" 

I was really confused. Sophia looked like she was midway through college with her dress and demeanor looking very professional when she teaches the class. But now that she mentions it, I could tell her voice is a little bit too high pitched to be in her 20s. But still, 16?! I would've believed it if I was part of a high school play, but she's been teaching this spanish class for two weeks already, and who knows how many others during the day.

"Wait, how did you even get a job here?" I asked her.

"From my father, he's the principal of this school."

My jaw opened.

Your dad is the principal?

"But why are you working here?"

She reached down her bag and grabbed a half full ice coffee before saying "They're short staffed for this subject. So he asked me if I could handle it and I told him I could."

I didn't know what to say. I was honestly amazed my Spanish teacher is still in high school and teaching a classroom full of delinquents.

"Wow. You're better than me. I know if my father would ask me for help, I wouldn't be as of much use for him. So good for you." I told her.

Hearing my words while sipping her drink, she broke eye contact while putting her drink down on the floor.

"Hey now. It's nothing special. All I have to do is talk about verbs and sentences in Spanish. That's all." she said, secretly grinning at my compliment.

"That's not true." I said, walking closer to her desk. "What you're doing takes a lot of courage which I don't have, and you're doing it at the ripe age of 16 years. You should be proud of yourself."

I'm not sure if she was becoming embarrassed of my words or the heat in this room was becoming overwhelming, but her face was turning red with her smile still shining with pride.

"Haha, you're a funny student, you know that? But you're right, thank you." she said while standing up with happiness leaking out of her face.

I wonder if it's weird for me to think that me and her could date? … What am I thinking? She's a teacher and I'm an introverted student. She probably goes for strong talkative men anyway. I thought before turning to the classroom door.

"Thank you for helping me again." I said, walking away from her desk. "Good luck with your next class."

"Thank you." She replied.

As I was about to look away from her, I noticed a glimpse of sadness. 

Huh?

But when I stopped, her expression looked the same. I wanted to ask if she was alright. If she needed help.

"Hey, how many classes do you have to teach every day?" I asked.

"Oh" she said. Her face seemed almost embarrassed to say what she had in mind. Almost if it would take off credit for something that was already given.

"Only one class," she said with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh." I said, expecting a higher number.

"My dad only needed me to take care of one class, since I'm still underage and inexperienced. So yeah." she ended in a positive tone.

"Ohh, so you're going to class now?" I asked.

Her eyes looked away again. She stared around her desk, pinpointing her attention at her ice coffee, watching the ice slowly melt.

"No." she said, with gloom.

Am I…Making this worse?

She looks at me, changing her face to a happier expression.

"You should go now, I don't want you to get in trouble." She told me.

"Ah you're right, I'll see you tomorrow." I said.

When I turned away from her, I felt a part of my body pleading for me to go back to tell her something. I'm not the best guy for solving situations like these, but at the very least, I would give her my ear to listen to her problems. 

"Hey Sophia!" I yelled, from the door of the classroom.

Hearing my irritating voice, she looked up from her romance book with a confused look on her face. 

"What is it?" she asked.

"Don't worry! I won't tell anyone about you being 16."

A few seconds after saying that, she started bursting into laughter and covering her mouth.

Bruh, I guess there was no point in worrying.

"Ohhh, oh my goodness. Wow." she said, trying to stop herself from laughing. 

"I'll be heading out now," I said. 

As I opened the door, she told me "Thank you Miles."

When I looked back, I felt her smile warming up my face with her blue eyes showing appreciation.

What the hell, why is she looking at me like that? It's so cute.

"Have a good day." I said in a respectful tone. 

I passed through the door with a sigh of relief.

"YES, I can finally get more sleep." I mumbled with joy.

Oh, really now?" 

Hearing this voice, the embarrassment that was washed away came back. I gulped hard before turning to my right. It was her again. The gnome sized girl.