Chapter 12: The Weight of Knowing

He didn't take any contracts for a week.

It wasn't a decision, exactly — more a kind of static that had settled over him since Rendcross, a low hum of I don't know what I believe anymore that made picking up his Tether feel like performing a certainty he no longer had. He ate less. He noticed people noticing, and didn't have the energy to perform being fine about it.

Mira found him on the second day, said nothing about the missed meals, and simply sat with him in silence longer than she'd ever sat still for anything, which told him more than a question would have. No bread was stolen this time. And tried to start conversation which didn't pick up much.. till she said "Hey!" Ethan finally looked up at her after spacing out while picking out the meat from his bowl and stirring the broth. He met her gaze, and he could see that she looked worried. She then looked down and sighed saying "we're friends aren't we Ethan? I mean, we mostly just talk during meals but.. if something is bothering you you should say something."

Ethan thought a moment about his time on earth. He always had difficulty with making friends. Growing up he was called things like teachers pet or nerd and picked last at recess games. He had no childhood friends, just acquaintances that knew later that he could help them with homework and he was lonely enough to do it for free. Then the loneliness went numb, he stopped caring and people stopped approaching him. This place felt like a fresh start, probably because it didn't involve a curriculum other than survival."

After thinking a long moment he answered "Ive never been good at making or keeping friends Mira. It's ok, you don't have to try so hard." He looked back down at his food and felt the table shake. Mira was now standing up gripping the table hard and looked hurt. She then wiped her eyes saying "Right, I get it Ethan." Mira left quickly and Ethan felt calm, then Mura nipped him on the finger.

Mura curled tighter against him than usual, radiating a low, steady unhappy chirrup glaring at him with one eye. "It's better like this, Mira.." he felt the red pill again, which was now in his pocket. He checked on it more than he wanted to admit.

Naomi approached him, which surprised him more than anything else — she was the one who kept her distance, always had, the wordless weather-system presence he'd watched from across market squares for months without either of them closing the gap.

She closed it now, sitting on the wall beside him without asking, the way Reyes had done on his third morning in this world.

"You've stopped taking contracts," she said. Not a question.

"You've been watching?"

"I watched you a little. You're hard not to notice.." She said, then looked a bit flustered, her ears turning red. Up close, her eyes carried a faint, unmistakable glow beneath the shifting multicolor flecks, visible even in the fading light — the first time he'd ever been close enough to actually see it. "What I mean is, your normally more put together and dependable, that's it!" She looked around avoiding direct eye contact with Ethan, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm not typically getting in people's business.. but even Miras at a loss for words, and she never stops talking. So.. " She sat down across from Ethan and looked at him with a determined expression that made Ethan's cold calm shake. "If you need to talk about something bothering you here in Haven.. I've been here longer than most."

His answer came out faster than he expected "I don't feel like everyones being as honest as they pretend to be here."

" You mean you found out something true that you didn't want to be true." Naomi's voice stayed even, careful, like she was handling something fragile. " Whatever it was, I'm not asking. But I've been there too, and it doesn't fade because you wait it out." She looked at the small pile of meat next to Ethan's plate with a distant knowing expression.

Ethan looked down at his hands. "What did you do with yours?"

"I kept going," Naomi said finally. "Because I decided the good still outweighed it, even carrying the bad honestly instead of pretending it wasn't there." She glanced at him, something old and tired in her expression. "That's the whole trick, if there is one. Not choosing a side that's clean. Choosing what you can live with knowing, and building something worth the knowing anyway."

"That sounds like something Sato would say."

"Sato taught me that, actually." A faint, real smile, gone quickly.

Mura shifted against Ethan's side, watching Naomi with open curiosity, and — after a moment's visible consideration — extended one small paw toward her, tentative.

Naomi looked at it for a long moment before reaching out and letting him sniff her fingers, careful and slow.

"He likes you," Ethan said.

"Most Vareth do, eventually. I've had a lot of practice being someone worth trusting." She withdrew her hand gently once Mura seemed satisfied, and something in her posture shifted, like she'd decided something. "You're carrying a decision right now. I can feel it sitting on you, even if I don't know what it is."

Ethan's hand drifted, almost involuntarily, toward his pocket

Naomi's eyes tracked the movement, sharp and immediate.

"I was once offered the something Ethan, a long time ago." Her jaw tightened, old anger surfacing briefly before she visibly set it aside. "I was angry about something, and he was too. We even made plans together, to change things.. I was offered a place in undertow." She looked She held his gaze, steady. " I hurt Sato Ethan, but he forgave me and we talked." She looked upset recounting what happened but continued." Wanting to do what's right isn't wrong, but you can't hate people for doing wrong in an impossible situation. This world isn't good Ethan, people aren't good either, but that doesn't mean theyre all bad either." She looked at his pocket for a moment then looked at him firmly "don't make the same mistake I did."

She left not long after, unhurried, the same weather-system stillness settling back over her the moment she stood — but something had shifted in the space between them, small and real, the first genuine thread of something neither of them had named yet.

Ethan sat with the pill in his pocket long after she'd gone, Mura warm and quiet against him, turning the capsule's small, hard shape over in his mind without taking it out to look at it.

He thought about Rendcross. About Coretta's easy, unbothered voice explaining devolution like weather. About Vera's genuine fear, underneath all her careful warmth. About Sato, exhausted and stretched too thin to look closely at everything his own settlement had quietly built while he wasn't watching.

*How much does Sato know though? Does he choose to overlook things because he can't make it better or because he honestly doesn't know everything? And what did Naomi discover that set her off?*

Muras thoughts came in loud and clear *Naomi would be a good mate, she's strong*

Ethan felt heat rush to his face after hearing Mura and responded mentally *it doesn't work like that Mura, people don't just mate*

*But they do, I saw it happen a few times here already. or maybe you prefer Mira, is that why your being aggressive with her?*

*How have you seen it?! No, wait.. I don't want to know.. I got other things on my mind..*

Mura perked up and jumped onto the table sitting up and looked Ethan in the eyes.

*Whatever happens, I'm with you.*

Ethan felt the emotion behind Muras thoughts and said out loud "I know Mura, I know."

He didn't swallow the capsule that night.

End of Chapter 12