“…”

Cassiander’s eyes wandered between Aldwynne and Arianne as he listened in on their conversation. Those who did not know the couple long enough would think it was just like any casual exchange they had. But to Cassiander’s ears, there were clearly some restraints they both had no courage to break.

“You haven’t talked it out with the Duchess,” Cassiander concluded as they entered Aldwynne’s private office. “Really, Aldwynne, after interrogating me like I was the biggest criminal who plotted treason against the throne?”

Aldwynne frowned at the exaggerated analogy Cassiander used. “It’s not that bad.”

“It was that bad!” Cassiander protested, emphasizing the word that. “You don’t know how guilty I felt for the Duchess for not keeping my word. The least you could do was to clear things up with her, no? The more this drags on, the more lies you pile up on her.”

Aldwynne did not reply. He gazed at the window that faced directly to the garden. He found his wife crouching down with snippers that she probably got after convincing the gardener.

Clearly, Cassiander was not satisfied with his response. He groaned, plopping himself on the sofa. Frustration piled up after years of witnessing the Duke’s love story that he might have written a tragic, angsty novel based on it, should he put his mind to.

“It’s clear to me that you wanted to approach her. Yet why are you still hesitating?”

The question brought Aldwynne back to the day when Arianne fainted.

***

“What happened to Arianne?” Aldwynne asked the doctor when she finished examining Arianne. He had been staring at the bed ever since he came back, not taking his eyes off of her even for a split second. He did not know what he was feeling at the moment. Did he feel guilty for not being able to defend his wife when her own brother drowned in a sudden outburst? Or was it not guilt but remorse for his wife that their entire marriage was built on facades he never told her about?

Whatever it was, he knew he was extremely uncomfortable. And fearful.

“The Duchess is fine. She appeared to be in distress,” the doctor said. She handed him a vial of yellow and told him that he needed to give it to her when she woke up. “She just collapsed from exhaustion.”

Aldwynne took the vial. He thanked the doctor and plopped himself down on the chair by Arianne’s bedside. “So you really heard…” Aldwynne murmured. He called for the butler, telling him to write a letter to ask Viscount Cassiander Ashwood to visit him and that he only had a week to come. “Tell him this is an order from his liege.”

Once the butler left, his eyes returned to her still figure, lying motionlessly on the bed. He could see the rise and fall of her chest now that the maids had changed her out of her banquet gown. Somehow, it was a wrenching sight. One that seemed lonely in Aldwynne’s eyes.

It’s okay; she will wake up soon, Aldwynne thought—more like it was his hope.

Yet, contrary to the doctor’s words. Arianne had not woken up even after four days had passed.

“Nothing was unusual about the Duchess…” the doctor said, although it sounded hesitant now that Arianne still showed no signs of waking up.

The longer Arianne fainted, the more frustrated Aldwynne became. The situation in the mansion was not as orderly as it was once, too. He barely stepped out of her room, even though he had to bring his urgent work there. The twins grew anxious. They never went long without visiting their mother. They even refused to leave her room unless Aldwynne firmly said no.

“…You may go now,” Aldwynne finally responded, fearing that he might say something harsh to the family doctor.

“Your Grace, Viscount Ashwood paid a visit. Should I escort him here?” the butler, having waited for the checkup, asked.

“…” Aldwynne did not immediately reply. He gazed at Arianne’s figure for a moment before he turned his attention to the butler. “No, escort him to my office instead.”

***

Aldwynne opened the door to his office, finding Cassiander leaning against the couch.

“You’re pretty relaxed for someone who has a lot to explain,” Aldwynne said. He took a seat across from Cassiander, frowning at his gesture. “Explain everything without leaving anything, Cassiander.”

Cassiander held Aldwynne's gaze. He knew it was impolite of him to behave this way in front of his liege; he could not help but observe the Duke. At first glance, there did not seem to be anything amiss with Aldwynne. His clothes were well-put, his hair was styled the usual way that it did not tangle. Upon closer inspection was a different story, though. He noticed the dark circles faintly clinging under the Duke’s eyes. Just how long did he stay up without rest?

“You seem to be a mess, Duke Clarevant,” Cassiander commented instead.

That, of course, got to Aldwynne’s nerves. He scoffed. “I don’t think you’re in the position to comment about such trivial things like that, Cassiander.”

“It’s not trivial, though,” Cassiander added, “you’re not your usual self. How is it trivial?”

“Cassiander,” Aldwynne called out. It was a warning.

“Was I wrong, Aldwynne?” Cassiander asked. He shredded the veil of formality between them without the higher’s consent. He knew he was crossing the line. Yet he did not back down; he could not. “Tell me, then. Why are you a mess when you haven’t heard any explanation from me? That’s because you had already put an assumption to various hypotheses you held. You don’t truly need to hear it from me, do you? You just wanted an invalidation, if I put it the harsh way, or you just wanted a reassurance, if I put it the good way.”

The more words Cassiander said, the more restless Aldwynne became—the more defensive he felt. He was about to retort, but nothing came out.

“What exactly is it that you want to confirm, Aldwynne?” Cassiander pressed on, not buying Aldwynne’s silence.

“I should ask you the same question,” Aldwynne broke his silence. “What exactly is it that you want to confirm by asking me those questions, Cassiander?”

Cassiander sighed. Yet, he had no intention of backing down, not when his liege—and friend clearly needed a push to lay bare his honesty.

“I want to confirm your thoughts,” Cassiander answered honestly. “Now answer me, Aldwynne. What exactly are your thoughts regarding … these?”

These being the whole situation with Arianne. Even without further explanation, Aldwynne knew all too well what Cassiander’s intention was. The problem lay within himself. What exactly was it that he wanted to seek? No, what was it that he actually wanted? He did not know. He never knew. He never asked himself what he wanted. Being the former Duke Clarevant’s only son meant his life had already been decided ever since he was born. He followed the training to become the heir to the family. It came with responsibility that others naturally entrusted to him. All his life, he lived the life that others expected him to lead. That was also the reason he did not fight when Lilianne broke things off with him and asked him to marry his sister instead. He could not bring himself to go against what he was told to do, even if it was against his heart. He did not even question her strange request despite the nature of their relationship. The only question he asked was whether she was sure and that she would be okay, or if it was done on a whim.

“I’m not sure,” Aldwynne answered. He let down his guard. He had never felt this lost before.

Aldwynne had to admit that he already knew of Arianne’s feelings for him. It was plain, one that she laid bare without restraint. Yet, he never approached her the same way she did. To him, she was just Lilianne and Giovanne’s little sister, nothing more. Although their status changed to that of husband and wife, he still maintained his distance, not wanting to cross the line beyond his duty as her husband. He stayed faithful to her and the little family they built, but it was based on mere loyalty. He never felt deep affection like he did for Lilianne. That was how their relationship with Arianne worked.

Yet, why did he feel fearful at the thought that she might have figured out what their marriage was built on? What was it that made him restless that Arianne had yet to wake up?