Cassiander remained silent as he listened to Aldwynne’s words. This was a surprise, he thought to himself. Even back then, when Lilianne broke things off with Aldwynne, he never saw his friend in this predicament. Let alone saying how he felt, Aldwynne did not even show anything on his face. In other words, he hid his emotions well back then, while outwardly showing his distress this time.

This made Cassiander frustrated; he didn't know how to handle Aldwynne except by pressing him further. What Aldwynne needed was a push, a push to acknowledge his deepest emotions.

“She must have heard everything, right?” Aldwynne asked. His long hair covered his face as he cast his head down.

Cassiander said nothing, yet it was enough for Aldwynne to take it as confirmation.

“How could I face her after realizing she heard everything? It wasn’t just about Lilianne. I didn’t even defend her when Giovanne said those hurtful things…” Aldwynne trembled. His voice faltered; he could no longer steady himself. In his mind, he had imagined the hurt Arianne showed in his face as soon as she woke up, and it pierced through his conscience even when he did not truly understand why. He was sure that he had done his duty as her husband properly. He had never once neglected her or the little family they built over time. He never stayed out late, nor had he ever slept outside except when he was busy with the Empire’s matters. He occasionally read bedtime stories to the twins, watching them fall asleep after their little bickering. He had regular teatime with Arianne, spending quiet time with her. They may not be the kind of affectionate couple, yet he was sure they lacked nothing.

Arianne never once complained, either. Even though her feelings were painfully obvious, she never crossed the line and used it to suffocate him. She never once made him uncomfortable. Perhaps that was why he could fulfill his duty as the husband without feeling awkward, despite it being the marriage he never foresaw.

“Right, she is my wife,” Aldwynne murmured like someone who just realized things for the first time. He pulled back his hair, and Cassiander could see the sorrow his expression showed. “She is my wife, yet I never truly opened up to her in the first place. I kept her at arm’s length. I never let her close and took it for granted that she would always be here. It was as if I never once thought that she might suddenly disappear on me without me knowing. I made that illusion myself, blinded by the fact that we’re bonded by this marriage. My brain put a veil on the other roads that she might see when she finally looked around. I was too arrogant.”

“Then, what would you do, Aldwynne?” Cassiander asked once more. It was a question he kept pressing since he came, yet this time his voice came out a little lower, as if he was being cautious.

“I’m not sure, Cassiander,” Aldwynne repeated. It was the same answer he previously said. If not for the difference in his expression, Cassiander would have had thought that time was looping. “I’m not sure what I should do when she woke up. No, will she even wake up? It’s been days, but there were still no signs of her waking up, even though the doctor said nothing was alarming about her.”

“Wait… The Duchess has yet to wake up?” Cassiander asked, surprised at the news. He had assumed the two had been having a cold fight, yet he hadn't expected to hear that Arianne still hadn't woken up. He did not know how Aldwynne took care of it, yet no rumors circulated that the Duchess had yet to regain consciousness despite their absence from high society. Well, House of Clarevant rarely ever showed their faces in high society.

“Are you serious? How is that possible? What did the doctor say?” Cassiander was both worried and guilty. After all, he was the last to see Arianne. He was also the one who witnessed how distressed she looked.

“What if she didn’t wake up, Cass? What would I do?” Aldwynne mulled over the worst possibility instead of answering. “What about the twins? How would they do without their mother? I certainly couldn’t take her place in their lives. I don’t think I’m capable enough to not end up neglecting them. I’m not as gentle as Arianne, nor am I patient enough to handle them. I—”

“Aldwynne,” Cassiander interrupted Aldwynne’s words. “This isn’t like you. Why are you so keen on thinking of the worst when it’s merely one of countless possibilities? It’s as if you didn’t think she would wake up. What drives you to think this way, Aldwynne? Did the doctor say you have to prepare for the worse?”

Aldwynne was visibly stiffened at Cassiander’s words. That did not escape the latter’s eyes, as he had been observing his friend closely. He had lost count of how many times he had witnessed new sides of Aldwynne that had never been shown in the years of their friendship, which traced back to their childhood. Being House Clarevant’s vassal meant he got to meet its heir early on, which was precisely why he could be comfortable talking casually with his liege.

“No,” Aldwynne finally said. “Doctor said she was fine, but she had yet to wake up. I’ll call for second opinions from other healthcare professionals—"

“You need to clear your head, Aldwynne,” Cassiander added. “It’s good to get second opinions, yet that doesn’t mean you could just dismiss the first one just because you had already feared for the worst.”

“How could I?” Aldwynne protested. His voice cracked.

“Why couldn’t you?” Cassiander pressed on. “She’s not dying, Aldwynne. She’s alright, and that’s what a certified professional said. Instead of focusing your mind and energy on the worst, why don’t you focus on the present and tend to her while attending to your children, too? The world won’t stop just because you got stuck on your fear. You, out of all people, should know it all well. You should also prepare yourself for when Arianne wakes up. The two of you had a lot to talk about.”

“I know,” Aldwynne barely responded. There was a hint of frustration in his voice. Cassiander was right. He knew that. He knew that he had to address the matter when Arianne woke up. He knew that he couldn’t just pretend those conversations never happened.

“You didn’t seem to understand for someone who certainly knows,” Cassiander snorted. He took a jab at Aldwynne’s lack of response. “You shouldn’t put it off, Aldwynne. You had hidden a lot from her. Wasn’t it you who thought she’d be fine with your marriage when you had known all along the depth of her feelings?”

That was, in a way, Cassiander’s way of telling Aldwynne that it was all on him. As much as it frustrated him not to be able to refute, he knew that what he said was the truth. From the start of his marriage to Arianne, he had been arrogant. He had dismissed Arianne’s feelings, not addressing them even once. All just because he had faithfully fulfilled his duty as her husband. He hadn’t accounted that it’d end up backfiring on him like this.

No, it was more precise to say that he never saw himself in a bind over his own arrogance.

Even now, he still did not understand how he was bothered by the fact that Arianne had heard his hidden secrets. Such arrogance coming from someone who no longer could compose himself.

***

“Aldwynne?” Cassiander’s voice brought him back from his thoughts. He was lost in thought, replaying every last bit of their previous conversation.

“I’m not sure, Cass,” Aldwynne answered. It seemed to be his favorite response to date, as he had been responded to different questions with the same answer. It was not that he did not think it thoroughly. It was precisely because his mind had been trying to come up with answers that he could not bring himself to say anything else.

“You’re afraid,” Cassiander concluded. He sighed, rubbing his temple as though it was his own problem. Maybe it was, because he got roped into it involuntarily.

“…” Aldwynne did not immediately answer. His eyes were still fixed on the window of his office—no, the person in the garden, now cradling flowers in her arms. There was a small but genuine smile in her face that was contagious. The corner of Aldwynne’s lips lifted at the sight. “Maybe I am,” he finally admitted. “She’s too bright to be let into the secrets.”

Cassiander noticed how Aldwynne’s eyes lingered on the figure in the garden. “You know that it still needs to be addressed, right?”

Aldwynne did not respond. In fact, his mind was no longer in the room. It was with his wife. Cassiander groaned to himself. His liege could be foolish without him even realizing. Who would have thought of putting off the discussion just to preserve the fragile present that could shatter at any moment? Did this not mean that Aldwynne, once again, dismissed her feelings without addressing them? Nothing had changed, then. Cassiander could not help but feel that it would bring disaster in the future—although he had hoped it would not come to that.

“Sure, whatever. Just don’t drown in the same ocean, Aldwynne.”