A few hours later.

Exos Empire’s Palace, Imperial Library.

Reading is one of the few things I'm exceptional at, retaining the information, studying it until it becomes engrained in my brain, that's what I can do properly.

So perhaps that's why every time I enter the Imperial Palace’s Library I feel a sense of relief and belonging. If I were able to discern what happiness feels like, this would probably be it.

“Good evening Lowe”, the night-shift librarian says, his eyes are dark like the magnitude of the void, his voice is always raspy and dry, his dreadful long  black hair is always on his pale face as he watches over the late visitors.

The Imperial Library has four librarians, however I have only met two of them. An old commoner lady that oversees the early morning, who is mute yet very knowledgeable in books regarding herbs and medicine, and him.

He hates me, I'm aware of that, I hate nobles as much as this man despises my presence. I have a few theories as to why, since I am the only one who uses the Library this late,  most of the Palace workers do their work in other areas, they rarely visit the Library, and it also closes to the general public at six in the afternoon, so at seven it's usually empty already. 

Due to my irregular hours serving the Second Prince, I usually come by when I can, which means during the late hours of the night, disturbing this man’s calm and quiet late night hours.

Tihor Sors, his name is weird and suspicious, it is taboo to name your child after a god, no, it's proper to say it can actually curse the child outright. Gods strongly dislike when humans overstep their bounds. 

The Whisperia Kingdom is a good example of that, their islands were before connected to the mainland, but after one of their past Kings infuriated the goddess of Oceans, well… yeah, you get the vision.

Although they cannot directly interfere with humans, they can still make disasters happen.

A burning heat wave, strong tides, tsunamis, earthquakes, droughts, they're all results of angering one god or another.

That's why some Empires and Kingdoms devoted themselves to a single god in the hope that they take their nation under their wing, protecting them from the fury of the other gods.

Either way, Tihor’s parents were probably followers of the god of Destiny, Rohit. A god with very few true followers, and no known Temple, and any mention of him disappeared five hundred years ago, any register of him is practically gone, except by the mention of his existence by other gods themselves.

Perhaps that’s why this man is able to keep his name and his head.

‘’Good evening’’, I reply, placing the books I’ve borrowed in front of him as he slowly scans them, his eyes dead and every time our eyes meet, he looks annoyed and angry. After he finishes and stores the books away, I speak again: “I need access to the archives”, compared to artifacts and other nation-relevant documents that are kept with scholars, the documents regarding the Imperial Family directly are stored in the Library, behind a two-key door that can only be unlocked by the librarian and the person themselves.

In my case, Prince Nikias gave me the key a few months after I started working for him, as he said he couldn't be bothered to care for his own documents’ archive.

Tohir stare at me for a moment before nodding and getting up, silently I follow him towards the solid iron door at the end of an already locked hallway.

He opens the door with me and I grab all of the relevant documents, it's not like Prince Nikias has many, as most of his documents were with Duke Sawdon, the man overseeing - and taking advantage of - the Prince estates.

After he's back at his desk, I nod towards him, thanking for his time, but before I can go towards one of the secluded tables to read the documents, he speaks, stopping me:

“Your destiny changed”, oh he's a devout for sure, I think.

“Can destiny truly change?” I ask, frowning.

“Of course it can”, he answers, shaking his head, my whole body freezes as our eyes meet, chills run down my spine. “Even a god's destiny can change”.

For some reason, instead of cutting the conversation short, I say: “Isn't the very definition of ‘destiny’ something you cannot change?”

The man snorts, “Just because something is written in stone, doesn't mean it cannot be chipped and changed”, he leans over the counter, staring directly into my soul. “Especially when the Universe is involved”, his words are cryptic. “Oh well, it is interesting how your destiny was actually set straight”, he shakes his head again. “That bastard changed a lot due to greed… It's rare for soulmates to meet and not be pulled towards each other”.

His words just become more and more ridiculous, what does anything of that have to do with me?

“A lot”, he says as if he's reading my mind, a stupid thought crosses my mind. Perhaps he is indeed the god of Destiny and not some crazy librarian, after such thought crosses my mind the man laughs. “You’re always a delight Lowe, when you're following your destiny, of course”.

Trying to understand and follow this conversation is giving me a headache, so I simply nod and walk away, sitting in a secluded and quiet area of the Library. The Imperial Library is beautiful, it not only has a thousand years worth of books from every nation on this planet, but also has paintings and sculptures that would make any scholar excited. Just this room in the Imperial Palace would be worth more than mine and Raphael’s whole life, perhaps even more than every commoner in this nation combined.

Slowly I start reading the documents, separating them properly for the Prince, I don’t know how long it will take me, but once I finish, the tinted windows of the Library - that are made with Mana Stones and shine during the day and the night with the rays of the Sun and the light of the Moon - don’t shine as much, meaning the day and night are changing places.

Grabbing the documents I leave the Library, nodding towards the elderly woman that is now sitting at the librarian’s seat. Walking towards the Prince’s room the first rays of sunlight bathe the white hallways of the Palace, people slowly waking up and starting their day, but something is wrong, different. Whispers and eyes directed at me from the other servants are always carried with pity and worry, but today the gaze feels heavier than usual.

Overhearing their whispers as I walk it is clear the Prince, once again, managed to become the conversation topic of the Palace, this time for apparently going insane and stabbing a Knight, taking a deep breath, ignoring the annoying gazes, I knock on the Prince’s door.

A few hours later.

Exos Empire’s Palace, Servant’s Wing.

‘’You should’ve killed them’’, I repeat for the tenth time, sitting on my bed as I stare at Raphael, who’s changing his bandages. 

Whilst doing the Prince’s request, he got hurt after being seen by our old Magicians’ Tower colleagues, while wearing his servant’s uniform, it’s so many mistakes after one another that I can’t even begin lecturing him. From doing a shady request with an official uniform, to allowing his old colleagues to see him and even getting hurt in the process. Of course they would try to harm and kidnap him again, that’s the reason why we protect ourselves from them by being careful.

Contrary to us, who managed to maintain our sanity after years of childhood shaped torture, the other kids didn’t have as much luck, they were completely brainwashed to follow the Master with no questions asked. It doesn’t matter if they’re victims or not, if given the opportunity, they would kill us.

Raphael looks at me, his eyes that are similar to the ones that stare back at me in the mirror, are slightly angry and upset, his feelings clearly stamped in both his gaze and tone, as always, he managed to keep being this open while the others we left behind lost all of their free-will.

Taking upon his punishments, accepting the pain, the abuse, it was all so he could remain like this, and I do not regret it one bit, except when his eyes meet mine with this much clear disappointment.

Disappointment that his older brother of three hours isn’t able to feel the same feelings as him. As if I am some different kind of monster to those who hurt us.

‘’Lowe, they can be saved, if we just…’’ again, this talk again, as if it wasn’t hell already trying to escape, he wants to go back? To do what? Suffer more? Die?

‘’Go back and die?’’ I cut him off, trying to hold back the feelings that come rushing up every time he is involved, ‘’Raffe, we escaped for a reason, we ran far away for a reason, clearly we didn’t run far enough, but at least we’re temporarily safe. If you try to go back, who knows what will happen’’.

‘’We aren’t kids anymore, Lowe, we can fight back, we can help them, I saw them, their empty gazes, the mechanic moves, the same magic circles we used to draw again and again. They all had families, a life, they were just as robbed as we were’’, I love and admire Raphael for being like this, and I wouldn’t wish for him to be different, but that doesn’t mean I’ll let him do something so suicidal. ‘’It could have been us’’.

‘’But it isn’t’’, I say, shaking my head. ‘’You’re not going back and killing yourself for some stupid reason like saving others, what about us? Huh? No one saved us.’’

‘’It doesn’t mean no one should save them’’, Raphael states.

I snort. ‘’Raffe, that’s very sweet, but your life is worth more than theirs’’.

‘’Who said?’’

‘’I did’’.

He stares at me for a few seconds before sighing. ‘’Lowe, we stayed still for four years, enjoying this life you and I know very well does not belong to people like us, why shouldn’t we share this privilege?’’

‘’Because then we would lose it’’.

‘’The Prince could help’’, he points out. ‘’He seemed interested in our past, and he’s increasing our responsibilities, trusting us more, even asking us to protect him at his Coming of Age Ball. Who knows, maybe this time we could actually be able to make a difference, grow, be free’’.

‘’Free?’’ I ask, staring at him. ‘’We are free’’.

‘’We’re not’’, he sighs, finishing wrapping his bandages, not looking at me. ‘’We’re always running away, when the Prince was hurt, what was your first thought? Lowe, we’re adults, let’s stop and live our lives. I’m tired of surviving’’, he whispers the last words, but I hear it clearly, and it hurts my heart. 

I want to yell at him but I hold back, although I still disagree with his words, I can’t bear being hated or even hurting his feelings, saying that he doesn’t know how bad it could be is a lie, he saw the tortures, the result of them, he is aware even if he didn’t go through them as often as I did.

Being alive is all that matters, being free barely matters, I know he dreams of a colourful life, a wife and kids, a garden to take care of, a house to call his own, a life completely away from that dark damp Tower. A life away from me.

And where will I be in this perfect life of his? In my own house? Coming by occasionally? Happy to take care of my nephews and then going back to my cold home? Alone, watching as his life fills with warmth and moves and mine sits still in that cold room, hearing the sound of my rustling hands, my beating heart as my body fills up with a burning poison?

Raphael is my whole life, the source of my happiness, of my light, the reason I live and move forward. I know he loves me just as much, there’s no doubt about that, but he still wishes for a different kind of love, one I do not understand, he still wishes for a ‘normal’ life, one I’m not sure I’m able to be a part of.

In his dream life, a dark spot like me would infect it and destroy it.

Even now, my words and actions hurt his feelings, even if my goal is to keep him safe no matter what.

‘’I’m going to the Library’’, I say getting up, but as I try to leave, Raphael holds my hand.

‘’Lowe, I love you, and we both deserve happiness just as much as they do. You also need healing’’, his words make me smile softly.

‘’Raffe, I’m fine, I’m happy where we are’’, my words are sincere, but my brother frowns.

‘’I’m not sure you know what happiness is Lowe’’, he sighs. ‘’You keep saying that you’re happy, but I feel like you do this just to not make me worry’’.

That is…

True.

‘’Of course not, Raffe, we have a good job, a warm bed, nice clean meals and we’re living a proper legal life, why wouldn’t I be happy?’’

‘’What about your dream?’’ he asks, making me pause, I’m pretty sure my smile flinches because he sighs again. ‘’Lowe, you keep talking about being alive, surviving, working, studying, but did you ever stop to think about what you really want?’’

I stare at him, before nodding, a lie leaving my lips just as easily as the truth, although it burns my tongue in the process: ‘’My dream is to shower your cute kids with gifts, so hurry up and make your dream come true so mine can be true as well.’’

Raphael stares at me, he knows I’m lying, it’s clear in his eyes. ‘’Lowe, wanting something isn’t a crime, wishing for more than my life isn’t a crime’’.

‘’It’s not like that, Raffe, you know I’m not interested in things like romance or a fancy lifestyle, having a good job and being able to see you grow is my dream’’, and that is the truth, knowing he’s alive does wonders to my heart.

‘’You’re your own person’’.

‘’And I do not understand why wishing for your happiness makes me less… me’’.

He pauses, clearly upset at my lack of understanding of his words. It’s not like I don’t know where he’s coming from, I do, he wants me to wish for something more selfish, like a proper career or a life away from him, but I am unable to do so, because the truth is that he is my life, and that’s completely fine by me.

So why isn’t he fine with it? Does he wish for me to lie? To pretend to be having a different life away from him?

If that’ll give him peace of mind, I could try distancing myself a bit, just enough for him to think I have something else going on. 

The idea of actually getting something or someone else doesn’t even cross my mind, because there’s truly no need for that.

‘’If it’ll soothe your mind, I’ll attempt to look for my dream’’ I say, and those words make relief wash over Raphael’s face, if it makes him that happy, then of course I’ll comply.

‘’That’s all I wish for, brother’’.