Chapter 17. Join MY kingdom! (kumquat and aloe vera green tea with popping pearls)

Phương rolled up his proverbial sleeves and heated up two pots of oil and several pans.

In less than a minute, extremely fragrant smells filled the room.

All gazes were on him. The two princes and their assistants watched with a professional interest. The phoenixes were hungry.

First done were another batch of fried spring rolls. His sword carried the spring rolls over to the princes’ table.

The assistants quickly leapt to their feet and took the food from the sword, wary of letting the blade come close.

Phương turned off the heat on first pot of oil.

Meanwhile, thick cut sweet potato chips continued to fry in the other pot of oil.

SSZZZ!

As the beef patties hit the searing hot pans, the scent of meat flooded the room. The hamburger buns were toasted in yet another pan. Phương’s sword returned to help prepare the salad.

In less than five minutes, Phương was stacking hamburgers and arranging them on large plates with deep fried sweet potato chips, salad, and little buckets of tangy sauce and spicy sauce. As an extra unique touch, he added a few slices of starfruit in the hamburgers for taste and on the side for decoration.

Phương carried the three plates to the three phoenixes. “Enjoy.”

Phượng Hoàng Vũ breathed in deeply. “Wow! Why does it smell so good?”

“Just grab it with your hands and bite,” Phương said. “Though you can also use a knife and fork or chopsticks if you prefer. If you want to wash your hands, you can do so in the bathroom.”

Phượng Hoàng Vũ grabbed the burger with both hands, opened his beak mouth wide and bit down. Soft toasted bun, crisp salad, sweet-sour starfruit, tangy sauce and an extremely juicy meat patty filled Phượng Hoàng Vũ’s senses. After chewing and swallowing, he had some of the deep fried sweet potato chips. Delicious! How could sweet potato taste like this!!

His two friends also tucked in.

“How is it?” Phương asked.

Phượng Hoàng Vũ drank some fruit smoothie and declared, “If I was the phoenix king, I’ll make you my personal chef!”

“Agreed,” Phượng Hoàng Tiên Dung said.

Phượng Hoàng Huy didn’t deny it, so that was basically the same as agreement.

Phương chuckled. “You can invite the phoenix king next time.” He left them to eat and headed over to the princes’ table. “As you can see, the blender’s primary function is to make drinks but it can be used for other dishes too if you want something with a paste-like consistency.”

The princes and their assistants retracted their gazes from the feasting phoenixes.

“Indeed, we have used the machine to liquefy fruits, but we did not consider that something like ice could also be added,” Prince Duy Thận said. He glanced again at what the phoenixes were eating. “That dish, I’ve never seen anything similar before. Why didn’t you show that to my brother when he visited last time?”

“The dish I had last time—phở—was very delicious,” Prince Lang Diệu said calmly. “Thank you again for the recipe. After I returned, my father has made it several times for us.”

“How lucky, your father’s phở must be very delicious,” Phương said.

“Why not join our kingdom?” Prince Duy Thận said.

Prince Lang Diệu and the assistants all gave Prince Duy Thận looks, which he ignored.

“You’ve created dishes and food-making devices that I have never seen before. You’re wasted being a small cook of a little establishment. Come to our kingdom and we can make you a senior minister right away,” Prince Duy Thận said.

“No!” Phượng Hoàng Vũ’s voice cut through.

Prince Duy Thận narrowed his eyes at the phoenix. “This is not a conversation for you.”

Phượng Hoàng Vũ stood up, his wings sleeves raised. “Phương will join our kingdom first!”

“He’s a human, not a bird,” Prince Duy Thận retorted.

“He makes delicious starfruit dishes!”

“He also make delicious non-starfruit dishes too. He’s a waste at your kingdom.”

“My uncle can give him thousands of spiritual stones per day!”

“Well, so can we! Our kingdom isn’t poor!”

“We’re phoenixes, we’re the wealthiest!”

“Delusional!”

Everyone else in the room: “…”

Phương slid back into the kitchen and whipped up several cups of kumquat and aloe vera green tea with sweet popping pearls. “Before you argue further, have a drink, have a drink,” he said, passing one out to everyone.

“I’m not arguing,” Prince Duy Thận said.

“Well, I am!” Phượng Hoàng Vũ shouted back.

“I’m not joining anyone’s sect or kingdom,” Phương said. “I’m retired.”

He was met with blank looks.

“You look so young,” Prince Lang Diệu said, surprised. “There appears to be no issue with your cultivation…”

“What kind of retiree opens a restaurant,” Prince Duy Thận said, clearly disbelieving.

Phương felt a proverbial arrow strike his chest.

“Come, just visit our kingdom once, and you’ll never want to leave,” Prince Duy Thận said.

“Same,” Phượng Hoàng Vũ cut in.

One of the assistants drank his bubble tea quietly. “Huh?”

“What’s wrong?” the other assistant asked.

“This isn’t the same tapioca pearl that His Highness Prince Lang Diệu bought back previously.”

Everyone else who hadn’t drank their bubble tea yet did so. Eyes widened as the thin-skinned pearls popped in their mouth, releasing their sweet sweet insides.

While everyone was drinking their bubble tea, Phương went to make more hamburgers and chips—for both the humans and the phoenixes.

With tables laden with food, everyone ate and there was temporary peace. Phương also had his lunch.

However, once certain people finished eating…

“—If you added chilli and more spices, this would taste better. The balance of sweet, salty, sour, spicy and savoury is off,” Prince Duy Thận said. “The drink was also too sweet and not sour enough. Do you not have higher grade tea leaves?”

Prince Lang Diệu frowned. “Brother…”

“If you don’t like, go away!” Phượng Hoàng Vũ retorted from across the room. “As the nephew of the Phoenix King, I’ve eaten a lot of food and this is the best!”

Prince Duy Thận snorted. “Meanwhile, I’m the son of the king of the South Moon kingdom, and the heir to the throne. I’ve also eaten a lot of food—my father’s food is the best. Have you never eaten the food of a top-tier cooking cultivator before?”

Phượng Hoàng Vũ scoffed. “Of course I have, the royal cook is a cooking cultivator!”

“I meant human cooking cultivators.”

“Tch, have you ever eaten the food created by the dragon imperial chefs?”

“I haven’t, but have you ever eaten the food created by the fairy immortal of Misty Dreams mountain?”

“I haven’t, but have you ever eaten the food created by the fire spirits in the heart of the Fire Mountain volcano?”

“I haven’t, but have you ever eaten the food at the annual international cooking cultivator competition? Have you ever had the best bánh chưng in the world, the best spiritual rice in the world, the best spiritual chicken in the world?”

Phượng Hoàng Vũ huffed. “So what? You’ve never had the bún bò Huế that Phương made me last time, or all the different starfruit drinks or candied starfruit that aren’t on the menu for everyone else!”

Prince Duy Thận looked at Phương. “Oh? You have even more dishes?”

“Shopkeeper, please don’t mind my brother,” Prince Lang Diệu said helplessly.

Phương smiled. “Everyone has their own view on food. But if you’re still hungry, then I haven’t fed you enough.”

Phượng Hoàng Vũ generously took out several high grade spiritual stones. “More!”

Not to be outdone, Prince Duy Thận did the same.

Phương’s sword immediately collected the stones, momentarily drawing everyone’s attention.

“If you’re a cooking cultivator, why do you have a sword rather than a knife?” Prince Duy Thận asked, assessing the sword.

“I’m not a cooking cultivator,” Phương said. “I’m a retired crafting cultivator.”

Phương went into the kitchen to cook more. He never felt like the opposite of retirement until now. He made several dishes and dozens more drinks for his guests. He wracked his brains to make things that used the blender, like more smoothies, peanut butter and hummus.

Cooking, cooking, cooking, he wasn’t a cooking cultivator!

Phương gained a lot of spiritual stones, but at what mental cost? This was even harder than making one thousand cups of bubble tea for the cute Long Quang!

At long last, all the guests were full of food and couldn’t eat any more. While waiting for Phương to cook at intervals, they had already toured the shop, checked out the bathrooms, and browsed and purchased all the items in his display cabinets, from all the light orbs to the glass and bamboo cups and bubble tea straws and remaining fruit cushions.

Phương thanked his cultivator strength for holding out for this long and immediately flopped onto the sofa.

At this point, the princes and their assistants had moved to the phoenix’s dining table—all the better for Prince Duy Thận to argue with Phượng Hoàng Vũ.

“Next time, why don’t you both bring some delicious dishes to share with each other and with me,” Phương said. “Or invite your favourite chefs to compete in a cooking battle.”

“That would be bullying,” Prince Duy Thận said.

Phượng Hoàng Vũ scoffed. “Feel free to admit defeat before we start.”

While those two continued to squabble, Prince Lang Diệu said to the two other phoenixes, “As a non-cooking cultivator myself, the dishes you mentioned previously sound quite interesting, and something that one must try at least once in their lifetime.”

“Yeah!” Phượng Hoàng Tiên Dung agreed. Graciously, she added, “The dishes you and the other humans mentioned also sound delicious.”

“Given that this shop is a neutral space, perhaps we should indeed organise an exchange and tasting event,” Prince Lang Diệu said.

Phượng Hoàng Huy glanced at him. “And how can we be sure that you haven’t poisoned anything?”

“I would ask the same of you,” Prince Lang Diệu said.

“How about we give him the recipe and he cooks for us?” Phượng Hoàng Tiên Dung pointed to Phương.

“No no no no,” Phương immediately made a big cross with his arms. “I’m not going to cook for at least a month!”

Phương: I’m retired! I’m going back into retirement!!

Everyone else: Hmm, sure you are.