"I don't know. I really don't. I just know that it isn't this. Do you have any idea of what we need?"

"I think we need escape. Escape to where or what exactly I don't know. I just know we have to get out of here, out of this way of life, out of this society, somehow." 

"But how?"

"That's a good question. I ... I tried to kill myself." As I speak these words the memory of those aching, delirious days in the winter cold come into crystal clear focus in my mind. And I start crying. Not from sadness. Just from an unbroken stream of pure emotion that comes crashing down over me. 

And I understand now. I understand what Maggie meant in every single word she said. 

"I'm sorry." Maggie's voice is weighted. Darkened. Empathetic. 

"Don't be sorry for me. It was my own choice. It was a way to get out of this life and this world. If all that is left in front of us is a never ending stream of consumption and entertainment, if that is all that our destiny holds, it's better to just opt out. It's better to just opt out as soon as you can, however you can. I knew what I was doing when I made my choice. And I made a choice."

"You must have been very brave."

"I suppose I was. But it was all too much. All far too much. I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't as hard as you think it was."

"So it wasn't hard?"

"Oh it was hard. It was definitely hard. But I felt like I was in a different world where reality was so much more raw and real. I felt like I was walking towards my destiny. I felt like I was one single string in an instrument so much bigger than myself. Well, metaphorically. And in the end as hard as it was, it was possible. Very possible."

"We shouldn't have to kill ourselves just to escape this destiny."

"You're right. But what other way is there?" 

"I guess freedom is freedom however it happens."

"Yeah. I guess it is."

"What made you realize, at first, how fucked up all of this was?" 

"I don't know, really. I read a book. Well, it was more of a notebook really. I found it lying in my school hallway. I don't know who wrote it. But it changed my entire view of everything, not overnight. But the more I thought about it, the more I noticed things, the more I realized."

Maggie is quiet for a long while, warm against my form in the darkness. 

"We have to tell the others." Maggie's voice cuts cool and clear and purposeful through my tears. 

"Tell them what?" 

"About everything. About my brother's death. Your suicide attempt. How disillusioned we were with life. How probably every single one of us got dragged into this facility against our will. How we all need to get out. How we need to search for something more, something better, than this."

"Do you want to relive all your traumas all over again? Do you really want to tell this story again, to a potentially unsympathetic crowd, who might not care about your heartbreak?" 

"I have to do whatever it takes to make my people be free. All of us here, we're all rebellious teenaged girls who are looking for something more in our lives. We're all people who searched for freedom before, in one way or another. And I need to make sure all the other girls get their freedom. I need to make sure they can all escape from this. Or at least I need to try."

"That's very noble of you."

"We always have to do what is noble."

"Will you join me?"

I think for a moment. 

"I will." 

We keep as silent as we possibly can as we pad our way out the door and down the darkened halls towards the other rooms. Together.

———

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