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The carriage ride to the church is quiet. We sit on the broad beam at the back of the carriage, along with the luggage, our legs dangling over the side as we stare at the dusty road. We hold tight to the children so that they don't fall.

There are two churches. One is big, beautiful, with high spiralling towers, arches, ornately carved statues around the outside, bright paint and metallic trim. It's by the edge of the road and has a large yard full of blooming and well-maintained flowers. It's corrupted and beautiful and daunting and it's where we have to haul all the boxes into.

And then we have to walk around to the back where the second church is, crowded against the ally. It's small. Wooden. A shack really. It's where the slaves go to worship. All the slaves. The field slaves and the domestic slaves and even the few factory slaves that are in this part of town. Obviously it's not the only slave church, just the one for this little area. The children are separated from the adults and have to sit in ten long rows across the front. The adults sit in the back. We set it up so that the domestic slave children who are all alone where they live sit at the back row where the children and the adults are together. And whoever is at the front can hold and cuddle the kids through the weight of the sermon.

And that's where we're sitting now. The darkness and the stuffy air of the church is almost comforting somehow, as it provides a distraction to the the hard words of the priest. On my lap there is Avelen, a child who is not quite a boy or a girl, and has a thick mop of curly hair and a brightness to their deep shadow eyes. On either side of me are Arjeni and Iulio, and they're holding Davelen and Descartes. Sweet children, all of them. Children we savour as much as we can for the brief moments we can.

The preacher's voice is angry. Bellowing. He is a Towerperson and an emotional sadist.

"The Fates are great! They are wise. They are the ones who ladle out the glories of the world! They live, they rule, and they grow. They grow on and on into eternity and each and every year their rule gets solidified and stronger. We learn from them as they are our prophets and teachers. And what they say is right and good.

"The Fates saw the way of the world and all its inhabitants. They saw the great and glorious civilizations of the Towerpeople. They saw how intelligent we were, how rational. They saw how mighty we were, how powerful. They saw how civilized we were. How wise. How kind. How benevolent. How organized. They looked into our souls and saw the depths of what we knew, The depths of what we were. And they realized that we were the ones were with the divine and sacred right to rule. We were the ones who could bring order and peace to the world.

"But any ruler needs people to rule over, and the Fates recognized this. They also saw the dirtpeople existing in the world. They saw into your hearts and your souls. The dirtpeople are lesser beings. You are not fit to stand tall and unbowed, to walk through the world as free people. Because you are violent and destructive. You are unable to see reason. Slow and stupid and devoid of all wisdom. You are unable to solve your petty quarrels and grievances. Without our benevolence and our rule you would descend into chaos and anarchy.

"And you were in chaos and anarchy in the days before the Great Restraining. Your lot was violent and destructive. The wars raged on and you brute beasts attacked innocent Towerpeople of good standing and caused trouble wherever you went.

"In those days the world was brand new and entirely undeveloped. Worming and writhing like a fruit fly larva. The chaos and violence of the primitive order was held together by a great and horrific artifact. It was a box, blood red, deep within the abyssal and vast wilderness. Within it was the uncultured barbarism of the dirtpeople, given form.

"The great Prince Audra was merely a young man, a young lord, a young god given human form really. He was born to the strength and wisdom of the Towerpeople. He looked out at the world and he saw the carnage and the destruction going on everywhere. He saw how the world was covered in thick, brutal wild lands rather than having been civilized and dominated. He was the man who first sought out the Fates.

"The Fates lived deep within his soul, his heart, deep within his faith and his greatness and his glory. Within his nerves of steel, there were the Fates. Within his everarching knowledge there were the Fates. Within his hard, logical mind undeterred by fanciful emotion there were the Fates. Within the clarity of his eyes, unobscured by clouds of fancy, there were the Fates. In his unwavering faith the Fates were there too. In his overwhelming desire, the way he wanted more and more and more and more, the Fates were there. The Fates were present in the way he wanted glory for his people, in the way he would protect and fight for his people at all costs. He was a beacon of light, and a pillar of perfect masculinity, and he knew that he had to bring order to the world.

"The Fates lived - and indeed live - in all the Towerpeople and connect us all. But they also live in and connect us to the Fateland. He journeyed within himself and through himself he reached the Fateland. There the Fates taught him how to unlock more power than he ever could imagine, and how to enthrone them in the power they've always deserved.

"The first Fate is the Fate of glory. The second Fate is the Fate of power. The third Fate is the Fate of beauty. And the fourth Fate is the Fate of joy.

"They taught Prince Audra where the box was. And he journeyed to go find it. He journeyed into the vast wilderness. Through the burning, blazing deserts. Through the bitter, biting tundra. Through the thick and dangerous forests. Through the dry and blowing grasslands. Over jagged, sharp mountains and across truly great rivers and deep lakes. Along stormy coastlines and deep inland. He sacrificed much time and used much skill on this journey. And he found the box, hidden away in the depths of the abyssal lands.

"It was gaping wide open out to the world. And from it flowed the most unholy, corrupt energy, bathing the world in its ungodliness.

"He took his steel-forged sword. And he plunged it into the writhing mass of energy. He infused all the powers of the Fates into it and thus the powers of the Fates defeated this evil power. The great mass of uncivilized and uncleared wilderness began to melt and bubble into a red liquid. The dirtpeople too, with all their savage ways, began to melt and bubble. Most of them perished right there, along with the wilds. Finally the land was cleared so that we might build great buildings, and towers, and all manner of productive things like factories and mines and plantations and farms and refineries and windmills and all manner of things. And finally, the dirtpeople were brought to heel.

"The first thing Prince Audra did, at the behest of the Fates, was to close the box and secret it away in a place in which no-one would ever be able to retrieve it. And the second thing he did was to ask the Fates what to do with the dirtpeople who survived the great dying. The Fates said that the dirtpeople were inherently dangerous and needed to be kept under control and under heel. They said that given any chance, the dirtpeople would cause chaos and destruction. The only way to live with them was to rule over them, and to keep them in their place. Also They told Prince Audra, that the dirtpeople owed us an eternal debt of gratitude. And they do. Because without Prince Audra to put them under control, the dirtpeople would have all killed each other in their endless barbarity. And they would. And that is why you owe us an eternal debt of gratitude, and you owe us your loyalty and your diligence and your respect.

"And you must always ensure to show us your gratitude, because if it wasn't for us you would not be here to this day.

"And thus it was that the order was established. The people lifted Prince Audra up as their king and their emperor and they built the Domain Everlasting.

"And so thus it was, thus it is, thus it always will be."

"And so thus is was," we wearily repeat, "thus it is, and thus it always will be."

I always hate this story so much. It's not the story we always hear in church but it shows up pretty often. I hate all the stories so much. They put my heart and my lungs and my throat and my soul through a grater and leave me to pick up the bleeding pieces. It was so much worse when I was a child. When I was alone. When church was one of the only times I could see other people who cared for me.

I hug Avelen tight, stroke my hand through their hair. They are young. They are alone. They are alone. And I try to make the most of every single second I could possibly have with them but it's never nearly enough.

After the service most of the slaves will be sent back to their work but the domestic slaves, including Avelen, will have to wait on the Towerpeople during their Wednesday festivities. At least that means I'll get more time with them.

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I'm a little bit out of it after a Wednesday. I always am. The church service. Watching the Towerpeople sit around and dance and chat idly as the order around our children and us and we have to be silent and obedient and "respectful" as we rush around fulfilling their orders. Trying to help the children without parents as much as we could. Sending as many smiles and reassurances and words of kindness and secret hugs and subtle hair ruffles as we could their way. I always missed the children so incredibly much at the end of Wednesday. Because I know what hell they are going back to. So I - we - hold them as much as we can for as long as we can. But it is never enough.

"Mama?" I hear Pavlin ask Lilith in a serious voice, as pressing as the river's currents.

"What?"

"We have to fight the Fates." My eyes go wide at this. I bolt up. What Pavlin is suggesting is incredibly dangerous.

"Pavlin, no," I say. "I want to say yes. I really do. But I can't. We can't do that."

"Well why can't we?" Mafalia asks. Oh fuck is she in this too? "You say we strong."

"Mafalia, sweetheart, calm down. You can't just ... you can't just do anything you want. Kids, we're not strong enough to fight them. Don't speak of this." Anderei's voice is low and guarded.

"But we can be though. You feel it too?" Levi's voice is like a summer day. And honestly why am I inclined to agree? Hope is a good thing. I'm not denying that. But it's good in small portions. Too much hope is incredibly dangerous. But I do feel it. I do feel it and I can't stop.

"I know you mean well Levi. But you have to be realistic. You have to be careful. Be safe. And you all have to understand that some things are too powerful to go up against." Katapa sounds like it's hurting her to say this.

"Andronicha. You've always been the voice of reason. Explain to your siblings why this is impossible." Lilith's voice has the tiniest hint of a dark edge to it. This situation is spiralling out of control.

Andronicha is silent for a few minutes before finally saying, "No, I know they're right. I don't care what you say." And I don't know what to say to that. She seems so quietly, ethereally certain.

Katapa and Lilith start talking at once and I can feel the way that the tension in the room is rising. They're protective, so protective. But the situation is slipping out of control. I have to do something.

"Everyone" I assert with a bit of volume, "let's just change the topic. Let's go to sleep. Adults, shut the fuck up. Mafalia, think of how you would make your spiderweb if you were a spider. What secret messages would you put in it? Where would it be? Pavlin, think of Azemi, I know you saw him at church today. I saw you guys talking behind the dogwood tree. You were laughing. Levi, think of where you would fly to if you were a bird. Who would you go visit? What would you say to them? How would you stay hidden? Andronicha make up a song. A soft, sweet melody and strong words. Sing it to us the next day when we all have time to listen. We will talk about this later, children. It's time for you to go to sleep."

Nobody says anything. I stroke Levi's hair. In a few minutes his breathing evens out.

"Let's hope they forget about this by the morning," Kata whispers.

Part of me agrees with that. But part of me doesn't. Part of me is amazed by their daringness. Their boldness. Their soaring confidence. I hope beyond hope, secretly, in a corner of my mind hidden from even myself, that they are right.