———

We eventually reach the massive polished ebony doors of the castle proper. They are heavy and several times larger than we are. There is a small window lined with metal that the thick platinum chain goes through. It's too high for us to be able to look in. Trepidation burns through me at this sight. It seems to burn through everyone except Lilith. Kata holds on even tighter to my waist.

"I think we can all agree not to knock," I say. Whatever is behind those doors, it's better for us to sneak up on them, better for us to have the element of surprise.

"Is it locked even? Do you think maybe we could just open it and walk right in?" Katapa's words are thoughtful, calculating. She has a point.

"Well there's one way to check," I say, taking the large shining rose-gold ring on the door, which is carved to look like two snakes eating each other. I pull and I pull but damn this door is heavy. But the rest of my friends also take the door handle and we throw all our weight into it. The door slowly, painstakingly inches open until there's enough room for a single person to squeeze through.

———

Damn everything here is so ostentatiously wealthy whatever lives here is a real snob.

Statues, statues, even more statues. Painted walls studded in jewels. That all depict the same fucking deeply degrading idea. It is dizzying.

There is a long, thick platinum chain that is coiled around all the statues, lining the walls, and stretching out for so long that, once again, we can't see the ends of it.

"Honestly, I'm scared," Katapa states. She's safe with us, we won't judge her, so she can say that. "I'm so full of rage and pain and hate that I absolutely do not give a single fuck though." Her voice is quiet. We all have to make sure to keep our voices quiet. We have had to ever since we came to this land.

"Same."

"Same."

"Makes sense."

"If we can sneak up on the Fate who lives here that would be ideal. But how?" I pause to think.

"It's not like we know where the Fate is or have a way of hiding ourselves." Lilith looks around intently.

"We have to stay in the shadows, be quiet. If we can get closer to the Fate maybe we can spy a glance at them." I know my idea's not particularly good but it's the best option we have.

Nobody responds but we do hush up and head for cover near a damned forsaken sculpture.

We walk for hours on end, keeping our eyes and ears alert for anything out of place. It's stressful and pressing but we're used to being under stress. Everything about this castle is really incredibly wrong somehow. At least we have lots of cover.

We come across a throne. It is giant and incredibly ornate. I have never seen such extravagant seating arrangements, and that's saying a lot. We're ducked behind a statue so neither us nor whoever is on the throne can see the other particularly well.

"What should we do?" Lilith asks in a hushed voice.

"We need to sneak up on him," Kata whispers, "To trick him somehow. It's obvious he likes to be thought of as someone all high-up. Just look at his throne. Or his posture. Or even his statues. Let's make him believe that, have him revel in his superiority, and them strike the final blow or at least try."

"Yes. Two of us can go out and talk with him, distract him," I start, "and we could lure his vision away. Then, using the cover of the statues, two of us could sneak around to behind his throne. And, that chain thing is the perfect tool to help us climb up. It's so incredibly heavy and thick and all the gems are perfect footholds. And once we're the ones looming over him, we need a way to kill him. Something sharp, powerful."

"Like this?" Anderei carefully, carefully shimmies a spear out of one of the statues, leaving the warrior empty-handed. Katapa runs her finger lightly along the edge of the blade. For all its showmanship it is, in fact, razor-sharp. "We should probably strengthen it though." His voice is thoughtful. "Let's just hope that this works. If not ... no, it will work."

Everything is falling together perfectly. A spear from the land of the Fates is surely strong enough to kill a Fate, if aimed just right. Even still we do the ritual to strengthen the spear. The ritual we learned from church and scripture reading. It was their own mistake to teach it to us. We pass it around in a circle and infuse it with our rage and hate, our hope and love. Until it brims with energy. And it's sure to be enough.

"I think Nancee and Lilith are good with words, and more specifically with lies. They should be the distraction I think. Anderei and I are better on our feet than they are. We can sneak around the back. What do you guys think?"

We all stand there in silence,

"Well I quite like the plan," Lilith states.

"Same."

"It's worth a go," Anderei voices. "You're right, Lilith and Nan are very good with words. If anyone can distract the Fates it's them. They can do it. And we can deliver the killing blow."

"I'm terrified though."

"Me too."

"I'm sure we can do it you guys." Katapa's voice is measuredly calm.

And so we take deep, wavering breaths and give each other reassuring hand clenches. Decide what Lilith and I will say. I'll hate to go out and grovel again. But the Fate's face when he's finally defeated will be so worth it.

Please let this plan work. Please let it work. I don't know who I plead this to but I plead with all my being.

Lilith and I emerge from the shadows, heads hung low. Out of the corner of my eye I see a man dressed in rich furs and wearing a large crown. As we are walking the long expanse of hall that stretches before we arrive at the throne, we keep our postures meek and submissive.

"What filth dares to walk before me?" He bellows out into the room. Lilith and I hunch over even lower, not having to fake our terror but faking our submissiveness as hard as we can.

"We are deeply sorry, oh great lord and master," I say, making my voice as sweet and scared as I can, "we do not know how we came to be in such a glorious and indescribably upstanding magnificent revered hall such as this. We know we are not worthy even to be in your wondrous presence at all. And we are deeply sorry that we have created inconvenience upon your precious time. Oh great and glorious lord and master, you who are master of all, you who are the most exalted one, we know we are not worthy. With the utmost humility we beg of you to please tell us how you would like us to make it up to you." I feel like my mouth is filled with pond water. I'm speaking words I don't even know. What miracle is this? I stretch out my words as much as I can, especially during my words of praise. I think I bought them about two minutes.

"What do you measly dirtpeople trash think makes you worthy of being in my hall? I am a Fate. A God. I am the most glorious and I am the most high. You are less than dirt, less than worms."

"We know, oh great one, oh great Fate, oh great God, oh great ruler and controller of all that there is and all that there ever in all of eternity was and all that there ever in all of eternity shall be. We know that we are less than the dirt under your divine and devastating boot. We know that we are less than worms that crawl under the ground. We know that we are less than even the smoke in the evening air. We are but shadows to the light of your glory, and not even that. We know that we are but dark shades in contrast to the burning blazing of glorious sun that you are. We are beneath you in every single possible way. We realize this truth, oh great master. We definitely absolutely realize the truth that this is."

I repeat Lilith's words, except in an even longer and even more drawn-out and even more grovelling way.

"If you were to decide, oh most exalted and upstanding master, if it came upon you to decide, oh master who is worthy of the utmost and greatest reverence, oh master if it did come upon you to decide to dole out upon us a punishment for being brought here into this place, this most exalted and respect-worthy place in which we don't belong, if it did come upon you oh ruler of light and sound, if it came upon you to punish us, us who are not even worthy to look upon your straight and chiseled countenance. If it came upon you oh master to punish us measly and meager beings of shame and ruination, we would graciously and gratefully with the utmost gratitude accept whatever punishment you in all your wisdom and in all your all-encompassing knowledge see fit." Lilith keeps her eyes low as we walk towards the throne in an incredibly hurried pace. Oh universe this is so incredibly humiliating. Not that I haven't been humiliated before, I absolutely have. But still that doesn't do anything to change the fact.

Once again I repeat Lilith's words except with more flourish and more embellishment. I long for the sweet and precious moment when life drains out of this wretched god and we get to watch him be brought back down to earth. I long to see his blood all over his towering throne, to see the surprise and betrayal in his eyes once he realized what we've done.

But the sheer power, the power, the power emanating from him makes me feel as if we cannot defeat him in one glorious blow like we're hoping. I push these fears aside.

"You wretched slaves know your place, I'll give you that. You know your place far far underneath my power and you know how to keep your place. You don't know your place well enough though. Well, no dirty filth slave knows their place perfectly. It's in their nature to have no wisdom. It's in their nature not to know." His voice is filled with smugness and self-satisfaction, and with hatred for us. I hate voices like that. I've heard so so many voices like that over the course of my life.

"Yes oh most exalted oh most high oh most wise oh most knowledged one. It is you, oh lord and master, who have the most knowledge. ..."

We continue like that, with us singing him praises and singing ourselves depreciation, and himself doing the same in his bullshit smug voice.

We are at the throne and kneeling down in front of it now, we have been for a long while, with our heads hung low, on both knees.

"I must admit, it may take some time for me to figure out what to do with you, you grubby little maggots."

"Oh most great most glorious most wise most bountiful most knowledged most deserving most glorious most powerful most exalted most worthy most revered most magnificent most praised most praise-worthy ruler, and protector, oh most elevated lord and master, what would you have us disgraceful maggots do? What is it that you have chosen is to be your bidding?" I sincerely hope he dies soon. I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of power he extrudes that my heart doubts that will happen. But I push away those thoughts. Now is the time to be brave. For our kids. For all the new generations.

"You can start by licking my boots, perhaps. And then I have some more tasks planned for you." Ugh. Universe. I can't fucking believe this. I make sure to not let the disgust show on my face. A bit of it probably shines through but I doubt he's paying enough attention to notice.

We start crawling towards him with great trepidation but then a bolt of pure panic floods through us as we hear a rasping sound and a couple of screams. Oh dear universe. What happened?

"YOU TRAITORS!!!" he roars with so much power and so much force I start visibly trembling. Pure fear burns through me. I look up and see Katapa, my soulmate, and Anderei, my heart's brother, wrapped up in the thick metal chain. Their eyes are blown wide in terror. What the fuck? What the actual fuck? What the hell are we going to do now? I wish I could just stop existing. But no, we have to find a way somehow. Can we even? Maybe this is how we die. But I look around at my friends. And they're also overwhelmingly terrified. But they /see/ me. And I find in them some small sliver of strength. We'll survive. We might not win right here right now in this situation where we have no power. We might not win yet. But we can survive. If not our bodies then our spirits, our love, our souls can somehow hang on. We can keep going in some form or another, even if just barely. And for now, that's a victory in and of itself. That's what I feel when I look at my friends. They give me hope for survival, not just for me but for all of us slaves. Not a not-dying sort of survival. A deeper, more intrinsic, more hidden sort of survival that's not entirely about whether you're alive. I can't explain it.

"You vile treacherous filth have deceived me!" I can feel the waves of rage rolling off of him in my bones. "Do you truly think you can win against me?! Do you truly think you can defeat me?! I shall show you! I shall show you my power!" He raves while the chain moves to entrap all of us in a neat row, squeezing painfully hard and holding us down.

Fuck fuck fuck I'm so scared. That's a huge understatement. I cannot describe how scared I am. Fuck fuck fuck.

He glares at us, his eyes narrowed in somehow even more pure contempt than there was before.

"I will show you what you are," he says in a deceptively calm voice that doesn't really hide the buzzing, biting fury beneath it.

And all at one I feel my soul, my being, my very life force being pushed down and twisted and wrested until it is wrung out and in pieces. My sense of self, my sense of humanity, it is all being scratched and mauled. I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I am less than nothing. I feel like I am hollow. I feel like my insides are full of poison and I am drowning in it. I feel like I am full of stinging bees. I feel like I am nine years old again.

I am delirious. Barely hanging onto consciousness. I can grasp though, what he is doing to me. He is putting the full force of his hatred, his power, onto me. He is making me think of myself in the way he thinks about me.

All I can think of is /less, less,less./ Of how I am /less, less, less./ Of how I am less and it is just my purpose to be less and how it is just my purpose to be a shadow, nothing but a shadow, to those who selfishly hoard the light. I feel like I am nine years old again. But unlike then, there is nobody coming to make it a little tiny bit bearable. There is no part of my mind however weak that is able to hold on to my sense of self.

He is smug. His eyes are lit with amusement. Amusement at my pain. Of course.

I am falling, falling, falling.

Lower and lower and lower.

Under his boot, under his heel.

I am fading, fading, fading.

/Less than human./

/Not human./

Fading, fading, fading.

My soul is paralyzed.

I'm ready to give up.

I can't survive this, I just know I can't.

I fall deeper in this well of misery that's beyond misery. Too far gone, too far gone, too far gone.

[scene continued in next part]