Deimos scrubbed the shit out of his eyes when he opened his door. Mira was standing in front of him, eyes bloodshot and back slouched. She sniffled, cheeks red from the cold, and adjusted the strap of her backpack that was slipping off her shoulder.

“What,” he yawned.

“I’ve got a class at three and I want to sleep,” she stated bluntly.

“I do too,” he glared at her. He was up until four last night trying to finish his first essay of the second term. “But I’m not?”

“Deimos, just let me in. I woke up at seven this morning for a stupid nine o’clock class,” she grumbled. “And I even climbed up this stupidly long hill to get to your apartment. Let me in.”

Deimos rolled his eyes and stepped out of the way for her. Immediately, she trudged in and dropped her bag in front of his door and slipped off her boots. Yawning, Deimos drowsily walked back to his bed while Mira threw off her jacket. Calmly, he slipped into his sheets and seconds later was welcomed by another warm body who knocked the fuck out the moment she rested her head against his pillow. Annoyed, Deimos tried to wiggle away from her, but Mira was curled up close to him to the point where the only comfortable solution was to wrap his arm around her waist and hold her tight. If he wasn’t so tired, he’d be embarrassed. But seconds after he also fell right back to sleep.

Mira and Raven came back from grocery shopping and was welcomed by a body snoozing on their couch. They exchanged skeptical looks, expecting to see Annie’s boyfriend curled up in the mountain of blankets on the couch, but were met with Deimos sleeping like a baby boy. He hugged one of Mira’s homemade pillows, his face squished against it, features soft and young.

“Holy shit,” Mira whispered. “How did he get in?”

Raven paused and gasped. “I might have jokingly told Dani and Annie to go give Deimos a spare key since he hangs out here a lot.”

“Raven,” Mira hissed softly.

She backed off and shrugged dramatically. “Hey! Dude, I thought you guys were a thing! Annie and Sophie’s partners have spare keys so I just thought Deimos deserves one too!”

“We’re not a thing!” Mira whined. She shoved her and she gave her an apologetic (not really) smile.

Suddenly, Deimos shifted and immediately Mira shoved Raven into the kitchen and away from him.

“Are you guys at least banging?” Raven asked.

“Are fucking kidding me,” Mira whined into her hands. “No, Raven, we’re not.”

“But you guys stick together so much it’s gross.” Raven quirked an eyebrow at her. “You stayed over at Deimos’ place for a solid week last week.”

“That’s because I was working on projects at the university!” Mira whined. “The busses stop at midnight so it’s just easier to work on them until three in the morning and recuperate at his place afterwards!”

“Oh, come on Mira, stop with the bullshit,” Raven complained. “He is totally your type!”

Mira blushed hard. “Raven!”

“Greaser-looking bad boy, leather jackets, ripped jeans, raspy voice, thick eyebrows- he checks every box and then some! Greek god-looking?! Beautiful olive green eyes!” Raven hissed. “He even swears in Greek you know you love that-”

“Raven! He’s just a friend! He’s super important to me and being in a relationship with him would be so forced,” Mira snapped. The only reason they’re friends is because Mira knows about his little lingerie secret. And she barfed in his car and is trying to make up for that. And he doesn’t have many friends and Mira wants to change that. And he’s a great guy.

Raven sighed and crossed her arms. “So if I started flirting and potentially dating him, you would be ok with that?”

Mira made a face and dug her own grave. Raven’s eyes sparkled.

“See?!” She jabbed a finger in Mira’s face. “You hate that idea!”

“Raven.”

“Mira,” she shot back. “I’ve seen you jump from person to person, Deimos is the first guy you’ve ever stuck your neck out for.”

“That’s because he’s amazing,” she argued. “He’s…great.”

“And I want you to be happy and not lonely anymore,” Raven stated, crossing her arms. “Everyone is finding their special someone and you need to at least give him some thought.”

“He doesn’t see me that way.” Mira shook her head. “I’m just a little brat who looks like a baby boy.”

“Mira, you’re very cute and pretty. You have no idea what you can do to someone,” Raven said calmly. Mira stared at her, shocked. Her face flushed red. Feelings she’s tried to lock away for years came bubbling up.

“…What are you saying?” Mira said shakily. Suddenly, she was hyper aware of how close Raven was. Mira was basically pinned to the fridge and her.

Raven realized what she had said too. Her expression changed and she averted her eyes.

“…Raven?” Mira tipped her head.

“Mira, no,” she shook her head hastily. Her hands said otherwise and slid up her forearm. Mira met them, sliding her hand into hers. Suddenly, Raven yanked her hands back.

“Raven,” Mira repeated, harder this time. “Raven, look at me.”

Her bronze eyes met her. Somehow, Raven looked incredibly beautiful in this moment. Mira’s heart quickened.

“What did you say?” Mira asked again.

Raven sighed and shook her head. “We’ve discussed this, Mira.”

“Raven.”

She flinched from Mira’s steely voice. She sighed and rubbed her face. “Sometimes I do find myself infatuated by you.”

Mira’s heart was about to burst.

“But that still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t see myself being in a relationship with you,” she muttered. “Mira, we’ve known each other for ten years, if I felt something, I’d already made my move.”

The shorter girl was silent. She still couldn’t stop but be enamoured by Raven’s beautiful eyes.

“It’s just…I wouldn’t be jealous if you dated Deimos. I have felt angry before about you hooking up with people, but that’s because they were sleazy people. Deimos and some others? Never felt jealous because I don’t see you that way,” she explained shakily. “But you reacting so…like that about just the thought of Deimos and I dating? Don’t you see that you like him?”

“I made a face like that because I like you!” She snapped angrily. That wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the truth as well. Mira didn’t know why she was being so persistent. She didn’t know why she was so angry. It might be because of how easily Raven can see through her. It might be just out of spite.

“Mira, stop, it’s been three years and I still have no romantic attraction to you,” Raven said evenly. She wasn’t going to put up with Mira’s bullshit. Mira wouldn’t either. She’s being too persistent. Too obsessive. Too needy.

She was just…lonely.

Lonely and desperate to find any broken link, any hint from anyone to feel something.

Mira grabbed Raven’s collar and pulled her into a bruising kiss. 

Deimos was going to invite Mira for dinner when he woke up. It was the most he could do since he was crashing at her place uninvited. His apartment was nice, but it was still incredibly small and lonely sometimes. After spending day after day, week after week, month after month with someone, the times they’re apart gets lonelier. Not that Deimos would ever admit that he liked spending time with Mira.

But, at this moment, he wished he hadn’t come.

Deimos stood in front of Mira and Raven. Mira, pinned between Raven and the fridge. Raven, currently forced into a deep kiss with Mira.

Deimos has never seen such an…emotional expression from Mira. She kissed her with bruising passion, hands holding Raven’s collar shaking and cheeks splashed in pink. For a moment, Deimos thought Raven was going to deepen the kiss, but instead ripped herself from Mira’s grasp and slapped her hard across the face. She rubbed her lips and hotly stomped away, her angered expression faltering for a moment to shock and horror when she realized Deimos witnessed the whole thing. Still, she clicked back to rage, embarrassed rage now, and stomped to her room and slammed the door.

Mira stood still, leaning against the fridge for a solid minute that felt like decades. Then, ever so slowly she slid down it and crumpled to the floor. Deimos heard her sniffle and whimper. He could feel his heart break in half.

Head in her hands, shoulders bunched up, body curled into a ball, Mira began to cry.

Deimos didn’t know what to do. There was no right answer to making her feel better in this situation. Did he even have the right to talk to her? Touch her? Make her feel better? This was a personal problem that was between Mira and Raven only.

Soundlessly, Deimos knelt down beside Mira and as gently as possible placed his hand on her shoulder. Instantly, Mira looked up at him. His guts twisted into painful knots seeing her crying face. Her swollen eyes, her quivering lip.

Deimos pulled her into a hug. He was speechless, a painful lump forming in his throat. Just looking at her made him want to cry. The most he could do is hug her. He didn’t have any words that could express how he felt about her. Just a hug. Just his warmth had to suffice.

Mira immediately took him, shaking and sobbing into his shoulder like a frightened child. She seemed smaller in her arms, fragile and weak. It took a while for her to calm down, but when she did, she got up quickly, dizzy still, and mumbled them to leave the house. She didn’t feel comfortable being here.

For an hour, Deimos and Mira sat in his truck, Deimos calmly holding her as she sobbed into his chest. For an hour, Deimos listened to her whimper and sniffle and break down. He was witnessing a side he’s never seen before. A side that was so raw, so natural, so instinctual. He was seeing Mira. There were no walls she had built up, there were no layers for her to hide behind. It was just Mira, sobbing and wailing in his old truck.

Eventually, she calmed down to the point where Deimos felt it was ok to drive. One hand was clutched to the steering wheel and the other laced into Mira’s small hand. He drove over to the nearest gas station and grabbed a cup of hot tea and cookies for the both of them.

Mira clutched onto her warm cup shakily, sniffling and tearing up still when Deimos put the truck into parking and killed the engine. Gently, he zipped off his jacket and gave it to her. Then, he waited for her to finally calm down to drink and eat. It took a few minutes, but eventually she stopped crying, and she shoved Oreos into her mouth and chugged down her hot tea.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “Fuck, this is so stupid.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he replied instantly. “Don’t ever be sorry of feeling sad.”

“You’re so good to me, you know that?”

“You’re better,” he said calmly. Not for a second has Mira ever made Deimos feel like shit for who he is. Every second they’re together, Mira has loved every inch of his body, and every thought and word he’s spoken. Mira has accepted all his flaws and still loved him for who he is.

“I don’t deserve you,” she laughed, wiping away another tear. “I’m a horrible human being.”

“I can’t see that.”

Mira glanced at him. “I’ve been pining for my best friend for ten years. I’m stubborn and sleazy and needy and stupid-”

“Mira, stop,” Deimos warned. He slid closer, hesitantly touching her shaking hands. “Yes, you’re flawed, but everyone is. Obviously it’s going to take a while for you to forget about Raven, you’ve liked her for ten years. It might take you ten years to finally get over her. It might take you ten days. You’ve got to accept it first though, to move on.”

“It’s so fucking hard,” she whimpered. “I know I’m being unreasonable. I know I’m being petty. B-But-” Mira was crying again. “I-I’m just so lonely all the time and Raven has always been there for me.”

Deimos bit his lip and slipped his hands to Mira’s cheeks. She sniffled and stilled her shaking as Deimos wiped away her tears with his thumb. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. Sighing, he knocked their foreheads together, his nose brushing hers.

“I’m here for you,” he muttered.

Mira frowned and bit her lip hard. She lunged herself at him and buried herself into his embrace.

“How did I ever find you?” She whimpered.

“By barging in on me changing and barfing in my car.”

She laughed, her giggles making his head swirl.

For a while, Deimos leaned against the car door while rubbing Mira’s back in circles. She muttered stories from when Raven and her were young, revealing everything to Deimos whether he liked it or not. It felt like deja vu from the night at the party, except this time Mira wasn’t drunk.

“She was my first in everything,” Mira sniffled. Her eyes were closed, hands clutched onto his shirt, her body leaning against his chest. “When we were kids, she stole my first kiss. When we were teenagers, we took each other’s virginity. We were stupid and naïve, experimenting with each other’s bodies… I felt something, she felt nothing.

“I confessed to her on her sixteenth birthday and she rejected me a month later. I’ve…tried to ignore the feelings that I felt that day…tried to block it out of my memory…tried to suffocate these feelings. I reached out to the nearest person to feel something. Some of them treated me well…others were just a warm body…”

Mira told Deimos everything.

“When I was sixteen and I realized I like boys, I did the same,” he muttered. “I reached out for one of my best friends and for a solid week, we locked ourselves into a room and explored our bodies. After that week was over…he moved away. I tried to keep in touch with him, but his last message from him was saying we could never talk again. He didn’t want to feel what he felt in that week. He liked girls.”

Deimos told some things.

“Loneliness just infects you like a virus,” Mira muttered. “It’s just one thought, one feeling that slowly multiplies and consumes you whole until you’re nothing but an empty shell. Loneliness takes hold of every thought and emotion you have and controls them. It makes you do things you regret, it makes you feel things you never wanted to feel ever again…”

Mira doesn’t realize how poetic she can be. How beautiful she is. How talented and loved she is. Everyone and everything around her is filled with warmth. She’s so rich in love. Even though Raven and Mira will go through a rough bump in the upcoming weeks, Raven will still love and care for her. Her friends won’t shun her. Her peers won’t hate her. The world will still love her.

Someone new will take Raven’s place. Someone new will make her feel butterflies and steal her gaze. Someone new will take her time. Someone new will taste her lips and feel her warmth. Someone new will touch her and kiss her and hug her and make her feel good. Someone new will see her for who she truly is and take every inch of her.

“You deserve happiness, Mira,” Deimos muttered.

She looked up at him, eyes wide.

“You’re a good person and deserve love,” he stated calmly. “You deserve the stars and the moon and the sun.”

Mira looked at him. She looked at him.