It was crowded and noisy. People shoving each other to get to the front, just to be blocked off by police and caution tape. I didn't know that there would be that many people at a suicide. There was an ambulance, a few police cars, and a fire truck, even though I was unsure what it was going to do, other than drown a drowned person.

Of course, the very moment I set eye on all of this, I couldn't deny it. It was happening, it had happened. I had lost both my girls in less than a month.

I sat there in the car, not knowing what to do. I remembered the times when I would cry myself to sleep, imagining what it would be like if my family died. Of course, none of my imaginations were becoming reality. I wasn't crying, and I was feeling oddly light, as if I can float up, up, and up. Maybe even join my girls in heaven, if that's where they were...

I closed my eyes slowly, and memories of times with Chloe and Jessie flashed through my mind. Jessie's first time skiing. Back then, Chloe was 12, and Jessie was 7. We were just family friends. I remembered Chloe had been so mad that Jessie got to ski so much earlier than she did. I remembered acting all smug since I was so much better at skiing than them. I remembered ditching them for the terrain park, leaving them at the top of the mountain...I remembered ruining the day for them, since the ski patrol had to bring them down, and they wouldn't go back up with me, 'cause they were too scared. I had been scolded, and I couldn't help but feel sorry.

I remembered another time like that. I was 10 and I had been swimming for a while, ever since I was 6. Chloe was 9, but it was her first time swimming. Well, second, if you counted the time when she was 5, and she almost drowned. I wasn't there when she had almost drowned. We weren't friends yet, back then. Apparently, Chloe had been wearing a life-jacket, and that was probably why she had almost drowned. She had been lying on her front, and her face was stuck in the water. She couldn't flip onto her back, or even stand back up. It would've been an extremely sad story if she had drowned.

Then, four years later, Chloe had begged and begged her parents to let her back into the water. She had watched me swim and play in the public pool by our house for 2 years, and she just couldn't stand only letting me have all the fun. Finally, her parents gave in, and the very next day, Chloe and I were in the pool splashing around. Pa was sitting on one of the chairs by the pool, smiling down at us. Chloe had been nine then. Her parents had made her promise not to let the water cross her chest. However, we have never been known for our sensibility. I didn't even need to beg her to go to the deep end with me. We each flopped onto a foam float and started kicking our way to the deeper waters. I forgot why we had to go to the deep end.

All of a sudden, someone flipped Chloe's float, or maybe it just flipped by itself because it was unbalanced. However, the next moment, I heard a scream, and when I turned to see what had happened, she wasn't there. After that, it was all a blur. Maybe because my eyes were tearing up, or I was confused, or scared, or maybe because it just happened in a blur. Chloe and I were dragged out of the pool by lifeguards. I was questioned(but I couldn't fulfill my part of answering), and Chloe was tested. Time passed, and we were finally freed. Our parents grounded and yelled at Chloe and I, but mostly me. Pa seemed kind of sheepish since he hadn't watched us close enough.

I don't know why first times have to suck so much.