Vie

***

I have not even cooled down from the irksome, innocent Chizu and her little kid act before Alicia comes barging into my room spouting nonsense about finding someone’s brother.

I sigh, unwrapping a lollipop. “Rewind and slow down. Who’s brother?”

“Sami’s.” Alicia says anxiously.

“And you want me to help?”

She nods eagerly.

“So you can essentially get in her pants. Am I correct?”

She fidgets. “...essentially…”

“No.” I look back down at my blank sketchbook page.

“What?”

“N-O.” I punctuate each letter with a jab of my lollipop in her direction.

“Why not?”

Something in me snaps at the same moment I look up. “Good question! Why not find Sami’s brother?! Why not get you a new playmate?!”

Alicia holds up her hands. “Woah. Woah. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“What are you saying, then?!” I snap.

“Look, why do you care? Just help me out on this one.”

I can feel myself crumple but I make sure, as always, not to show it. Why do I care? Because I only want you for myself, that is why! Because I want your eyes to see more than a friend when they look my way! Because...our joking flirtations are only a mask for what I really feel. For all of this, I only say one two letter word, “No.”

Red flowers in her cheeks. “Fine.” She spits out the word as if the taste of it is bitter.

I turn away as she leaves, not quite slamming the door but closing it loudly. She does not know what she does to me. I am supposed to be the strong one. I am the one who gets angry before she gets sad. I am the one who is not supposed to have depression in my vocabulary. Yet, every time Alicia storms away from me, I can feel the tears. I blink and the cursed things fall on my lap.

The hair on the back of my neck stand on end and I look up and behind me. Ania stands awkwardly in front of a wall. I wipe the back of my wrist on my cheeks, turning away. Just like a vampire to sneak up on you.

 “Ever heard of knocking, vamp?” I bellow. “Did you blend into my wall with your freakish powers?”

“I had come in before Alicia and, yes, I did blend into your wall.” I feel her walking closer.

“What do you want?” I snap.

“I...I’m not entirely sure…”

“If you do not know why you are here, get out.”

“You know...you can always talk to me...about…well, about anything.”

“We have not talked about ‘anything’ in the ten years we have known each other. We do not need to start now.” She is right behind me now. I turn in my chair which spins to accompany me. Her big, brown eyes are on the tan carpet floor.

“I know how you feel.” she almost whispers.

“No, you do not.”

Her eyes flash at me. “How do you know that?”

“How do you know how I feel?”

“Because I’ve waited a long time to…” Her expression becomes lost. She slaps her forehead. “Damnit! I knew what I was going to say before.”

I roll my eyes. “Ania, you are wasting my time.”

“No, I’m not. You’re wasting your time!” She bites her lower lip. “Wait-”

“Just say what the hell you came here to say!”

“I love you!”

I sigh and shake my head. This girl needs to stop kicking the horse when it is down. “I know.”

“The hell you do!” she blinks. “Wait, wha-”

“I know that you love me.”

Ania backs away, her jaw dropped. “You’re screwing with me. That’s not funny, Vie. Here I am, confessing and you turn it into a joke!”

“No joke.” Memory of that night makes a shiver of embarrassment go down my spine. “I heard you talking to Chizu about me a while back…”

“Seriously?!” A pause. Then, I can hear the disappointment in her voice as she murmurs, “Oh...I...I see.”

“Nothing against you.” I amend quickly. “I am just not interested.” I wish I had not looked up into her eyes. She looks like I just kicked her in the heart.

“I...I think...I should...I should g-go.”

I reach out and grab her wrist, “Wait-”

“Why?”

“So I can-”

“Why don’t you… You love Alicia, right? You’re in love with her.”

My hand loosens. “Um, well…” 

“You know,” she says, “it’s easy to be tough but, it’s hard to be strong. Just tell her how you feel.”

“I already have.” How easily that lie slipped out of my mouth. And for what? I tighten my grip on her wrist and stand.

Alicia rejected me without me even saying anything so why should I just add to the pain?

What if I just let Alicia chase after Sami while I go for something familiar? I can have someone who I know loves me the way I live Alicia.

Ania looks up at me, eyes wide as I wrap my arms around her waist. “Vie, stop screwing with me.”

I pull her closer and murmur, “What if I were to say I will help Alicia get Sami if you were to help me get over her?”

“I’m not your second choice, Vie.” she snaps, staring into my eyes.

“Maybe not,” I say, “but you are my smarter one.”