I got out of my moms car, she wanted to drop me off on the first day to wish me luck, even though luck wasn't something I could grasp. She smiled and waved at me and then drove off and I turned around to face hell.
I take a deep breath as I stare at the sign of the name of the thing they call a school and remind myself that I can get though this year. I sighed as I thought about it. The first week of school. I slowly walk down the side walk to the double doors leading inside of this prison they call a school. I stop and take a deep breath then open the door and walk in. I walked though the main hall as people screamed and talked loudly. It was annoying. How could these people look excited and happy to be here? I'll never understand it.
I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly as I took out my iPod and my ear buds and put them in to block out all of the noise with my music. Such Small Hands by La Dispute traveled though my ears. I breathed in and out as the lyrics went on as I walked down the hall.
I looked around and I could see a few people that I used to talk to. Their names aren't important, neither are their faces. They notice me. I look away and notice the goths and the geeks on one side of the hall, in their groups talking to their friends. One girl in the goth group stood out to me, also one boy in the geek group.
The goth girl was really pretty. Black hair, black makeup, black cloths. Black like her soul. I think to myself as I look at her. Her shirt had a skull on it with the words "dead" under it. Her face was pale, freckles lined her cheeks and her nose. She had a single piercing on her bottom lip-- in the middle. She looked at me as I stared at her. Her eyes were a pale green color. I looked away. My face flooded red with embarrassment.
I looked over to the boy in the geek group that stood out to me. He was kind of cute. Something I normally don't notice about anyone. Brown hair and circle glasses, possibly for looks?-- maybe they were prescription glasses, I wouldn't know.-- His glasses reminded me of Harry Potters glasses. They actually fit his face well. He didn't have freckles but he had a single mole on the top left of his lip. His shirt had a sword and a dragon on it with the words "D & S" on it. He was playing some type of card game with his friends. Again, I got red with embarrassment as he looked over at me. Eyes meeting. I looked away and continued walking. Ignoring the preppy inmates.
I get to my first hour class, walk in, take my ear buds out and roll my eyes then take my seat. I sit there, quiet just like every year, ignoring the chatter of voices around me and blocking out all of my surroundings.
Sophomore, just this year and the next and I'll be out of this prison and away from all of these disgusting inmates. I just have to wait and everything will be over. I just have to take a deep breath and breathe. I'll be okay, right?
I hate being around people. I've always hated being around people. People, people have just always scared me and made me uncomfortable. A shaking anxiety.
I snap out of my thinking and a yell from a student gains my attention and I look in their direction.
"Hey!" A geek yells at of of his friends, "you can't do that in dragons and swords. There are rules!" He says in an angry tone. Putting down his trading cards and looks at his friends.
"Okay. Okay" The geeks friends say and they get back to the game. I took away and shut my eyes trying to block everything out again once more. Blank. Thoughtless.
A person behind me throws a crumpled up paper at the back of my head and draws me back to reality.
"Hey, freak!" The person yells out with a laugh. I don't say anything. Like always.
"Can you hear me?" It says, then it mutters, "Fucking mute." Under its breath. People laugh.
Oh I can hear you, just fine in fact, how can people miles away not hear that horrid screech of yours? I think to myself as my anger builds. I block my anger out, like always. Be emotionless. I repeat in my head over and over again.
The bell rings. I sit there, eyes staring at my desk, waiting for the herd to pass. The person behind me gets up, loudly obviously trying to get my attention and walks past me and bumps into me. I look up.
"Oops, sorry." The mutant wearing a football jersey with the number 12 on it says with a smile.
Accident? No, not even close, the football loving mutant didn't accidentally bump me.
I glare and his smile fades and he just stares.
"Uh... You're.. Uh." He starts to mutter out then abruptly turns around and quickly leaves the class like a bull running for its life.
Humans. They bother me sometimes.
I get up and erase my mind, collect my note book that had a mess of stickers of all kinds on it, my pens that I mostly use for drawing, my one "lone wolf" mechanical pencil that I use for writing and my satchel. I'm surprised my satchel is still intact, despite all of the abuse and neglect I've caused it. I've had it for five years. It's been though rain, mud, ice, pins and needles, being thrown over fences. There's a few holes that I've had to patch up but that's all fixed when you cover the imperfections with a pin. Supernatural and band pins cover the scrapes and bruises I've caused. I haven't been able to let it go. It's like it's a part of me. It shows a lot of who I am and how I feel. It's a broken mess but it's still here. Somehow.
I walk out of history and put in my head phones and turn the volume just loud enough so I can't hear the screeching of this prisons inmates. Everything is blocked out. Even my breathing. Even my thoughts.
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