He always demanded she stay the night. So while he snored she laid there covered in the evidence of their coupling and her blood. He didn't allow her to shower until he was gone. He liked to see her torment. It was now 4 am she could tell by the clock hanging across from the bed, and she had a class at 9 am. She sighed, flinching slightly when he shifted. She was exhausted, sore and she felt emotionally drained. She wouldn't be going to class today. 6 am his alarm went off. He didn't say a word to her but smiled when he looked at her. She still never looked him in the eyes. He showered, dressed and left after kissing the top of her head.

She wanted to vomit.

When he left, she sprinted to the bathroom ignoring the pain in her leg and her sore muscles. She just wanted to feel clean. She always felt dirty and unworthy but now it was unbearable. She scrubbed until her skin held red spots and she could no longer feel her bruises. She was numb inside.

She could breath here, Adeyemi had finally left her apartment after three days. It was quiet here. She stretched her limbs prepping them for the exercise she was going to give them. Classes didn't begin until 9am, she should have the room to herself. She synced her phone to the speaker , started her music and then began to move. She didn't have a plan, she was just going to move to the music until classes started.

There was something about the song playing that made her think about her conversation with Jaejeong. His eyes always held a million questions and she had a lie for every one of them. Still she wanted to unfold his mind. How was it that in a world this fucked up, he had yet to put aside his morals? Sure it wasn't that morals were never taught to her, it's just that she had a reality check and realized how the world really works. As it happens sex really has a way of making to world go round. When she stopped to take a break, a jubilant clap echoed in the room. She turned and was faced with a bright faced young woman perhaps her age maybe younger, she couldn't tell. Her skin was a few shades lighter and she had a head of honey blond loose curls.

"That was amazing." The young woman said.

"Thank you." Adeyemi said flashing a smile so quick it was as if she never did it.

"Oh, I'm so silly I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Anja."

"Hello Anja, were you scheduled to have this room?" Adeyemi asked

"Oh no, I was coming in early to practice for class. I'm in contemporary 470." She said

"Ah, with Guillermo, good instructor. I had him last year." Adeyemi commented.

"Ah, do you know the choreography to his Mid semester showcase opening routine? I'm having some trouble with that, so I'm trying to fix it." She said sheepishly.

Adeyemi nodded, "I know it like the back of my hand." She took a gulp of water and then stood."Come, Anja, I will help you."

She grabbed her phone and changed the music. First she had Anja do her parts alone. Then after pointing out some minor mistakes and how to fix them she did the choreography with her. For some reason this song made her slightly emotional and she felt tears welling up. She quickly wiped them away but Anja noticed.

"Are you alright?" She asked

"Huh? Oh yeah, this choreography just gets me, you know. It's touching." She said.

Anja gave her a small smile. "Yeah, I couldn't imagine being in a relationship where my partner just didn't love me. I would feel so helpless."

You have no idea, thought Adeyemi. While dancing she realized no matter what she did, Ryan was never going to love her, he was only going to hurt her emotionally. No matter how popping her sex game was, he was never into her. EVER. But she let herself fall for him. She let herself take falls FOR him. She dehumanized her body so that obstacles in his life would be easier for him. She could barely look at her reflect out of disgust for the things she has allowed to be done to her body. Still she couldn't make him love her as much as she wanted him to.

"Yeah, that would suck wouldn't it. As long as it wasn't arranged you could leave." She said

"Thank God I'm not arranged. I'd go mad. I want to fall in love and be loved by my husband in return."

Adeyemi checked the clock "Do you want to go over it once more before your class?"

"Definitely."

The girls got up and then moved.

Soon it was nearly time for Anjas' class to start and Adeyemi packed up her things. Anja jogged over and gave the other girl a hug.

"Thanks so much for helping me." Anja said with a smile.

"You never stop smiling do you?" She asked her face emotionless.

"Only to eat- wait I'm smiling then too. I guess I really don't stop." Anja said with a giggle

Adeyemi gave her a small smile " Keep smiling. You have a beautiful smile."

Anja blushed at the compliment and Adeyemi made to leave "W-wait. You never gave my your name. I'd love to dance with you again."

Adeyemi tilted her head in thought. "Should we meet again, I will give my name. For now just think of me as the mysterious morning dancer." With that she walked out the room closing the door behind her.

Anja smirked, she was going to come here every morning. In her entire four years at this school she had never seen a dancer like her. When they did the dance together it gave her all kinds of life. Was she an instructor? She had to study under her, she wanted to move like that.

Adeyemi crossed the street to the cafeteria. She just wanted a quick smoothie then she'd be on her way. Down the street she noticed Zituang and Jaejeong. She plopped in her headphones and threw on her shades. It wasn't that she thought this made her invisible, but it made her feel more unapproachable. Sometimes looking uninterested and dead on the inside still didn't dissuade others, in particular from talking to her. Zituang turned and tried to grab her wrist, instinctively she flinched.

"What do you want?" She asked more harshly than intended.

"Until when will you continue to ignore me? Ryan isn't even here anymore, won't you come visit me?" Zituang asked.

"I've had my fill of you Zi, I've climbed on to bigger things." Adeyemi replied sounding as disinterested as possible.

Jaejeong coughed and they both turned to look at him." Sorry something in my throat." He took a swig from his water bottle.

She raised a brow but stayed silent.

"You haven't been to class in a while." Jaejeong commented.

"I got sick." She lied smoothly.

"Are you okay? I can bring you medicine." Zituang offered eagerly.

Adeyemi rolled her eyes "I don't need your medicine Zituang, I have my own."

"I miss you." He stated

"I don't miss you. I barely even like you." She said crossing her arms

"Adeyemi." Zituang whined

"Sorry Zi, I'll see you around though. Send my love to your girlfriend,will you." She said and turned walking away.

Zituang sighed and Jaejeong clapped his back, "Sorry man. But at least you still have your hot girlfriend? Besides, you said she was no good anyways, who's to say she didn't give you something? Its rare but if shes been with as many people as you've claimed..." He trailed off. He knew it was unlikely for Adeyemi to have anything but he was trying to distract Zituang from her.

Zituang nodded, "You're right. I have had an itch. I'll call my doctor."

Jaejeong took a step away, "Yeah you do that." He said as he continued walking down the street.

Adeyemi bit her lip as she waited for her smoothie. She lied when she said she had moved on to someone else. She decided to seriously leave Jaejeong alone. He wanted so desperately to be a good man and live a good life, no man she had ever been with wanted to be good so badly. She shouldn't take away from him more than she already had. She had her fun, she would just reminisce fondly.

Sipping her smoothie she sat at a bench on the quad. Scrolling through numbers in her phone she took a deep breath before pressing call.

"Yellow?" His voice was raspy and deeper than usual. It was always like that in the morning, there was a time where she fantasized daily on waking up to hearing his voice in her ear.

" Hi." She sounded breathless hearing his voice.

"Babe." He sounded like he was smiling.

"Ry." She wanted to cry it felt so good to hear him greet her in such a tone.

"I've missed you. Tell me how soon should I hop on a plane?" He asked.

Adeyemi chuckled " Right now." She joked.

"I'll do it." He said, feeling challenged.

"Don't be daft." She scolded sweetly.

"Anything for the girl I love." He sounded full of conviction.

Don't believe him, she thought. Still her heart skipped a beat.

"Don't lie, it's unbecoming of you." She rubbed her sweaty palm against her leggings

"Lots of the things I did to you were unbecoming of me." He admitted

"This is true." She agreed.

There was a pregnant pause and she bit her bottom lip, unsure of what to sat but not wanting to hang up.

"Do you still love me?" He asked suddenly

"I try not to." She admitted quietly

"Why?" He was curious

"Because you don't love me and I can't force you to either." She felt saddened.

There was silence on his end for a moment

" I do love you." He repeated his words from earlier

"You don't act like it." She pointed out

"Right. I've been getting better." He told her.

"I'm sure." She did not believe him.

"I'll come out there." He sounded so sure.

"No, you left for your studies, come when you actually have a break." She said, she couldn't face him if he visited before his official break.

"I swear I will." He wanted her to believe in him

"Solemnly?" She asked, in remembrance of their teenage years.

"Solemnly." He promised, he sounded like he was smiling again.

"Enjoy the rest of the day Ryan." This time she smiled while she spoke

"I will, love." He replied.

She hung up. And then she wanted to cry, so she did. Of course she waited until she got back to her apartment. She slammed her door shut and fell against it, she balled her eyes out. She cried until she couldn't any longer. She cried because the boy she dreamed of marrying when she was young grew up to be a man she didn't want to marry. He didn't want her. She wasn't the one, she didn't want to be. Because she couldn't let him go and he didn't want her to. But they weren't right. It was all wrong and there was nothing either of them could do about it.

A knock on her door woke her from her slumber. Adeyemi had fallen asleep against her front door. A quick glance outside told her it was afternoon. She opened the door. Jaejeong stood before her He had a coup container in one hand and cold medicine in the other. She looked at him surprised. He brushed past her and into her apartment.

"Come sit down." His deep voice called out to her.

She closed her door and walked into her kitchen. He had emptied the contents of the soup container into a small sauce pot.

"What are you doing?" She asked

She grimaced at the sound of her voice. It sounded scratchy and stuffy.

"Making you soup. You looked better this morning but clearly you aren't over your cold." He said looking at her. "I thought I told you to sit."

Adeyemi slid into a bar stool beside her kitchen counter that served as an island table.

"I never told you to bring me soup." She said

He threw the small bag of medicine at her and she caught it. "Or medicine."

"I didn't do it because you told me to. I did it because I was worried." He admitted.

"Didn't we agree that this was a no go? You shouldn't care whether or not I get sick." She complained

"Ah, but I do. So get over it take the medicine after you eat the soup." He instructed

Adeyemi blew on a spoonful before eating it. It was delicious."Where did you buy it from?"

"No where. I made soup yesterday and then realized that I could give you some since you were sick. Originally I was just going to show up with the medicine."

"Ah." She didn't know what to say. She had never been in a situation like this before

"Good job?" She meant it as a statement but it came out like a question.

"Thank you." Jaejeong sighed.

So that was the right response.

"You're welcome." She said proudly before taking another spoonful.

Jaejeong laughed "No. You're the one who is supposed to be thankful."

"Oh." She said "Thank you?"

"Much better." He commented "No ones ever done this for you? Not any of the guys you've crept around with?" He crossed his arms on the table and rested his chin on them .

"God no. Those aren't relationships. It's just fucking and business." She said like it was obvious.

"But what about Ryan?" He asked his brows furrowed.

" Never. Maybe not fucking, but I don't think it was making love either. He doesn't love me. Maybe he likes me, or is attracted but when he tells me he loves me I can't believe him. Something it just doesn't feel right. If you had asked me three years ago I'd say we made love but in reality it was just one sided."

She finished her soup quickly. She twiddled with the spoon.

"Adeyemi?" He questioned.

"Yes?"

" Have you ever made love?" He asked looking away from her.

"No." She said plainly "Have you?"

He looked at her then. "Once, a long time ago." He mused. Jaejeong took her bowl from her.

Adeyemi looked up at him with a nervous look. She looked away and then looked at him once more."Can you describe it to me? What is it like?"

He poured her soup into a bowl and handed her a spoon. He looked into the face of a woman that looked so curious and he could help but wonder how no one had shown her that kind of affection before.

"Sure."