When I was nine years old, the word arcane didn't mean much to me. It was just a strange word Animated used to describe people like Erik and me. People who see the world differently.
One of those people was a new boy named Ivan who arrived at the orphanage not long after I met Erik. We bonded over sharing the same age, the same height, and the same vulgar vocabulary. We would collect rocks in our shoes, hide them under our beds, and then wake up in the middle of the night to sort them by which ones would hurt people the most. He made a slingshot out of a pair of his underwear and two sporks. I introduced him to Erik, who gave a short "hmm" before turning away. The two of us were a menace to the entire home.
He didn't last very long.
We were building dirt forts on the side of the courtyard one day when it suddenly started pouring rain. The mistresses tried to get us inside as quickly as possible, but most of us were soaking wet by the time the doors slammed shut. Most of us. As I shivered in my heavy clothes while the mistresses took a head count, I noticed Ivan sneaking away down the hall. Naturally, I followed after him. Just as he was slipping into our sleeping quarters, I whispered, "What're we doing?"
He started with an almost theatrical gasp. "N-nothing!" He said, slamming the door shut as I entered. "W-was just getting changed."
"Oh yeah, good idea!" I answered, stripping off my thin t-shirt. That's when I noticed he was completely dry. "Uh...."
He saw me frowning and replied with a nervous laugh, "I already changed."
"Now, that's just a nice fucking lie there, Iv." I said. "I'm pretty sure you didn't have an umbrella. So why aren't you wet?"
"I told you, I changed." He shuffled like he did when he was hiding something.
Scowling, I thought for a moment, and then instinct made me throw my soaked shirt at him. It happened too fast to see. Ivan threw his hands up and the shirt stopped in midair. "You're telekin--"
He hushed me, the shirt falling to the ground but a bulb of water staying behind. He stepped forward and covered my mouth. "Quiet down, dumb ass."
I moved his hand and stage-whispered, "You're arcane."
"Shut the hell up! You didn't see anything."
I wanted to keep teasing him, but I felt a storm of panic travelling off of him. I don't know what inspired me to murmur, "It's okay. I am too."
He raised his eyebrows. "You kidding?"
"Nah."
“You’re not just lying to get me to confess to those fucking ‘bots out there?” He questioned.
“Why would I do that? You’re my friend. We have to stick together.”
Ivan rubbed his eyes and gave a shaky laugh. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” After a while, he looked up with red eyes, sniffling, and asked, “So what can you do?”
I contemplated telling him for a moment. I had never told anyone before, and I didn’t quite know how to explain it. "Feel what other people feel." I said eventually.
"Cool. I can move water."
"Cool."
“How do you hide it?” Ivan asked.
“I guess I’m just careful?”
When I was nine years old, the word arcane didn't mean much to me. But to everyone else, it means you are something wicked. Something wrong. A parasite. And what do you do with parasites?
Another rainy day came. The wrong person saw Ivan sneak away again. They threw him over the cliff. His water abilities couldn't save him from the rocky shore beneath.
Everyone knew the word. Arcane. The hidden. The System made them out to be mere inconveniences, but most kids who came from the outside told stories about the hidden blowing up buildings and massacring entire towns with their strange powers. It was the System's job to keep them from doing so, apparently. The mistresses would whisper to each other about whether they thought so and so could do this or that. Some admired them. Most feared them.
It wasn't much time before I met Ivan that I realized I was one of these villains. The way I did was a bit melodramatic.
Erik and I were stomping through the woods one day when suddenly, I felt a spark of fear. "Erik!" I hissed.
He turned to me and frowned. "What?"
I held a finger to my lips and hushed him, crouching down and eyeing the foliage carefully. Erik rolled his eyes. I could feel his exasperation at what appeared to be me acting silly, but it was overcome by the terror I felt ebbing from somewhere around us.
Just as Erik was opening his mouth to say something, I found it. A bear cub, hiding in the tree above us. "Hey, little guy."
Coils of fear clung to his limbs and locked him to the trunk. His fur stood on end and he gave a little bark.
"It's okay now." I imagined an adult bear, the warmth of her fur, the taste of wild-berries, and watched as the fear withered away. With a whine, he climbed down, approaching us without caution.
"Connor!" Erik finally spoke. "Get away from that thing."
Ignoring him, I let the cub sniff at my hand. "He's not scared anymore. Can't you see?" I looked back at him, proud, to find Erik giving me the strangest look. "What is it?"
He shook his head. "That's some super power you got there."
I guess I always thought everyone saw what I did- emotions, like living colors swirling and knotting around everyone. In that moment, I realized I was different. And at the home, different was never good. It was what killed Ivan.
It's what almost killed me.
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