I didn't have many friends, but I didn't want them. I saw people in their true colors, and that always freaked them out. But friendship was sacred to me, and it was simple. It was making a deal to eat someone's peas if they ate your broccoli. It was pretending you didn't see someone sneak to second base when your team was behind. It was crawling onto the roof past curfew just to stare at the moon and smoke Mistress Yvette's stolen cigarettes.
If I went by that definition, I've only truly had four friends in my life: Georgina, Jo, Ivan and Erik. Ivan came around when I was nine, and was one of the reasons they decided to put a fence by the cliff. Georgina left when I was ten, and while I only considered her my sort-of-friend, she cried like we were family when she had to go. Jo arrived when Georgina left. She was Erik's age and was pretty sure he was a serial killer.
"Y'know, it's really dumb, y'know, that they don't supervise us out here, y'know?" She would say nearly every day.
"They have sharpshooters in the fourth floor window." I would lie, just to give her something to tell everyone else about and leave me alone for a little while.
She left when I was twelve, and as obnoxious as she was, I still missed her and her rambling. Plus, despite her lively and nervous exterior, she radiated this sense of home. She was a homey person. She would hug me, and I wouldn't push her away. She actually cared about people. I think she also sensed I was arcane somehow, but I never said anything. I couldn't explain how I felt others emotions, so I didn't. I knew kids like me were worth big bucks to both the government and the black market.
Jo once told me shady scientists would switch their brains with their arcane patients, convinced the power they held was biological. Supposedly the System stole arcane babies from their beds, too, and raised them to serve the government. But Jo wasn't exactly the most reliable source, considering she had also believed the System wasn’t real until she was fourteen. And what a simple empath like me could offer the System, I didn't know.
I thought I was good at hiding my talent. Erik on the other hand-- most people were sure that he was arcane. The only problem was, there wasn't exactly a scientific way to prove it and Erik was good at keeping secrets. He was one big secret himself. I was surprised the System hadn't carted him away to shake the truth out of him, or that the other children hadn’t thrown him over the cliff like Ivan.
I'd never had the balls to ask him, though. I would never have guessed it (I was a bit of a Jo myself sometimes). So I pretty much had a heart attack when one day, the secret unraveled, along with a few others, and Erik was pulling the thread.
The two of us had sneaked onto the roof past curfew, using the upstairs bathroom window to pull ourselves up. It was much easier to reach than five years ago, now that Erik was basically an evergreen (when in reality he was only a few inches taller than me). But he could pull my 5'4”, 150 pounds up without complaint, which was very beneficial, as I was still recovering from my fight with Harry.
"Listen, Connor...." Erik muttered as we stared at the night sky. He held one of Mistress Yvette's cigarettes to his lips, and I watched the smoke glide up into the clouds.
If I were a dog, my ears would've perked up in curiosity. He only ever referred to me by name when he had something important to say. "Yeah?" I whispered back.
"You have to be careful." He said.
I looked around in confusion. "Of what?"
Erik turned to me, looking into my eyes. Moonlight reflected off his own as he stared at me, trying to force me to understand what he was saying without words. "You're not very good at hiding it."
I backed away a bit. I was pretty sure I hid my utter obsession with him rather well. I only thought about him fifty times today. "...w-whatcha mean?"
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I could feel the exasperation rolling off of him, but underneath was a heavy curtain of fear.
"What's wrong?" I reached out for him and thought of night skies and blue--
"See?" He said suddenly, throwing his hands up like it all made sense now.
I frowned, a little annoyed myself now. "No, not really."
"Connor, I know what you are. And you know what I am."
Now I was rightfully aggravated. Was he calling me...? No, no way. "Actually, no, I don't."
"You're an empath." He stated simply.
I took in a sharp breath. My whole body told me to run, get away before he sold me to those shady scientists... or ratted me out to the System. At the same time, my mind told me that this was Erik. He would never do that to me. Would he? I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I barely caught him say, "I'm a telepath."
"Wait, wh--"
"That's why you need to listen to everything I have to say, okay?"
"I... you're...?"
"Tomorrow--"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I shouted, startling him. I wasn't one to raise my voice. "Back this train up. You're a fucking telepath?"
"I thought you... already knew...?"
"What? No!" I turned away from him, grabbing my head as if I could keep him out that way. But my mind was racing, thinking of all the things I've... well, thought about him. Oh stars! Fifty times today!
I jumped when Erik's hand landed on my shoulder, dropping my cigarette over the edge of the building.
"Alright... so there was definitely some misreading there." He said apologetically.
No, really?!
"Save your freak-out for later." He continued, then paused for a moment. "Actually, let's try not to freak out at all."
"You can hear my thoughts?!" I decided to freak out.
Guilt slipped off his tongue as he lied, "No, no, it doesn't work that way."
Jesus, can you... can you hear me now? I thought.
He looked away from me in defeat. "Yes."
Shit, shit, shit.
Wincing, he added, "It's not... it's like... ah, I can't explain."
I thought about my own arcane talent and felt the same way.
"But please, Connor, can you just hear me out for a moment? This is really important."
"I didn't know 'please' was in your vocabulary." I said, taking a few measured breaths. Save the freak out for later. I told myself. You sorta kinda already knew he was arcane. Just not a fucking telepath! No big deal. Okay. Okay. It's okay. Bright green and firetruck red and blue-- "What's so important?"
"I read a few mistresses planning an interview tomorrow.”
"Oh." Was he trying to tell me that I had to sneak him out of Isolation again after whatever mischief he was sure to cause?
"For you."
"Oh." Immediately, my mind went to packing my things and finally escaping this place. An actual bed, like those I've seen in picture books, instead of rickety bunks. Breakfast that wasn't a protein bar and some vitamins. Maybe my own room.
"Connor." Erik said sharply, snapping me back to reality. "You can't let them take you."
"What? Why not?" What did he have against adoption? Why did he want to stay here so badly?
"I don't." He said randomly.
"Huh?"
"I don't want to stay here." He answered. "I have to. And so do you."
"Why, though? It sucks here."
"Trust me, out there, it's far worse." The cloud of despair and anguish that arose from that told me he wasn't kidding. "Kids like us... we don't survive out there. We either end up in academies being brainwashed and tortured or dead in a ditch somewhere."
I wrinkled my nose in confusion. It couldn't be that bad, could it? But I had practically lived my entire life in this home, and Erik had two more years under his belt. Plus, you'd probably walk off a cliff if he told you to. I thought to myself, then, Shit. He heard that. Not like it mattered much. He's always heard it.
"Focus, Connor." He locked eyes with me, his expression grim. "Connor." He repeated, and I felt him debating something with himself. "Interviews... aren't just for adoptions. They're tests, too."
"Tests?" Oh man, I hated tests. Letters always jumbled together on the page and my pencil couldn't seem to write the right words down.
"Not those types of tests." Erik sighed. "Hidden tests."
"Thought those didn't exist."
"It's complicated." He waved it aside. "You just have to try... just please try to stop... emoting."
"E-whating?"
"You know, that thing you do when..." He felt a little frustrated with describing it, like it was something private he wanted to keep to himself. "When you send out sensations and stuff."
My face probably looked like the surface of Mars, it was so read. I was flustered. "I've only done it with you." I whispered, cringing at the wording.
He rolled his eyes. "See, you don't even notice. You're like a beacon, Connor. Everyone around you feels it; they just don't recognize it."
"A beacon of what?" I was curious. What did he feel when I... emoted?
"Just... calm. Peace." He scratched his head and continued almost sheepishly, "Like the world was just lifted off your shoulders."
"So what's wrong with that?" I argued.
"Professionals will recognize that." He elaborated. "You need to stop it somehow."
"I- I don't know how! Up until a few seconds ago, I had no idea what 'emoting' was."
We sat in heavy silence for a few minutes before I threw out the idea of practicing, but he told me it was too late for that.
"I know it's hard, Connor. Shit, I should've said something earlier." He growled in frustration. "I thought you knew."
"That you were a telepath!? No way." I laughed.
"No, that you were emoting. I thought you did it on purpose."
"Why would I do that?"
"I don't know. You're weird." He answered.
"Thanks." I said sarcastically. "What do I do?" A spark of panic flew out of me.
"I don't know, I don't know. Your nerves are affecting me; I can't think straight."
I rolled my eyes, despite the serious moment. I could feel how anxious he was underneath all the contemplation and analyzing. "Maybe it will go fine!" I said. "Maybe they won't notice."
Erik looked up at me grimly. "They will."
"What do I do?" I repeated over and over, pacing around the roof, thinking about my brain in a surgeon's head, thinking about all the creepy experiments the System probably did on the arcane.
I only stopped once Erik simply said, "Run." He took a deep breath and said, "Whenever you're ready. We run."
From that point on, my life was never the same.
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