"Run." He said. And the world collapsed.
I jolt awake, my body trembling from a distant memory. Sweat coats my brow and my heart races.
It's the middle of the night. The moon is shining through the small, barred window directly into my eyes. The red light above the doorway pales in comparison. I hold up my hand to watch its shadow dance on the wall behind me, the remnants of my nightmare fading fast.
Beside me in the small room is my bunkmate, Bao. He snores away, but I can feel the weight of my own fear on his chest. His body twitches a little and he murmurs in his sleep, "Run, run, run." His tossing and turning make the small cot screech and squeak, dangerously close to falling apart under the big guy.
I swear, sending out calming vibrations like a spring breeze that gradually wear the fear away. I haven't lost control like that since I was thirteen and still a cadet. I lay back against the wall, the stone ebbing its frigidness to my very core. The barren room has no clock and the window is too small to measure time by the stars, but I know I won't be sleeping again tonight anyway.
Kicking my worn blankets off me and slapping my booted feet onto the cold ground, I let out a long yawn. I always wear my boots to bed. As strange as that might sound, the practice has come in handy several times, like when Ernie Hawes blew up D-block while unconscious and we had to evacuate the building. I remember smirking at Bao as he tiptoed across the gravel of the courtyard.
I go to the chest at the foot of my bed and pull out my uniform that I'd been given yesterday. Today will be the last day I spend as a recruit for the System. Today, Bao, I and dozens of others will be sworn into the third company's fifth platoon, Ursus-3.
The uniform is tan for the Ursus platoon with black stripes along the seams for the third company and is freshly ironed. The high collar is devoid of any badges. I strip out of my sweaty night clothes and gingerly step into the stiff uniform. As I lace my boots up, I notice the room slowly growing brighter. It must not be as late as I thought. In less than an hour, we will be heading to the courtyard to be sworn in.
I realize the cobwebs around Bao's mind are gradually clearing away, and just as I finish tying my boots, he sits up jerkily. That's how Bao always wakes up- as if someone has just poured freezing water on him. Years as his bunkmate have taught me that he also kicks his blanket off himself as soon as he's unconscious and clings to his pillow like it's his wife.
"Oh," Bao says, confused only for a moment at the sight of me already dressed and ready to go. He rolls his eyes. "Of course you're awake." He rubs his eyes and continues groggily, "Do I have time to shave?"
The first beams of sunlight make their way through our small window as he speaks and I shake my head. "First Bell will be going off soon."
He swears, hopping off the bed. "You coulda woke me up earlier."
"But you felt so peaceful," I josh, grinning as he gives me a scowl.
"What'd I say about reading me while I'm sleeping?" He growls. He's grumpy in the morning.
I shrug. "I can't help it. You dream loud."
Bao throws open his chest and sighs. "Speaking of dreams, I had the weirdest one last night."
My body goes rigid, excluding the slightest twitch of my hands, hesitating to emote a sense of safety to battle the suspicion coiling off him. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," he responds, and that's the last of that. He doesn't tell me what it was about, but I feel him giving me a side-eye while I fix my collar in the mirror above the sink in the corner.
Just as he's kicking on his second boot, First Bell goes off and the door gives a loud click as it unlocks, the light above it turning from red to green.
"Well, Connor," Bao says, standing to his full 6'5 height. "Here goes the first day of the rest of your life."
I laugh, pulling the door open. "You're such a screwhead."
"Wrong." He answers as we step outside into a hall with the rest of the recruits and head to the cafeteria. "If I were an animated, I'd be one of those sleek underwear models." He flexes a bicep and gives it a kiss, leaving a slight mark on his uniform that he'll probably get written up for.
"Wrong," I repeat. "All robots are screwheads." I say this as I enter the cafeteria line and see one of the animated workers looking away in disgust. The animated and I don't get along. As machines, they're like a black hole to an empath like me. It makes me go crazy, not knowing how they feel about something without seeing the exaggerated expression in their engineered features. "I don't mean you, Wilfred," I say to the robot handing out mashed potatoes. "You are my true love."
"Yeah, whatever." The robot says creakily, plopping a mountain of potatoes on my tray.
"Thank you, darling." I blow it a kiss before heading to my assigned table with Bao.
"You're always sending them mixed signals." Bao chuckles.
I wave a hand as if to brush the problem away. "I'm sure their million-dollar motherboards can deduce that I don't like 'em."
"You're horrible." A voice says sarcastically, followed swiftly by a tray slammed on the table, piled high with food. The person behind the tray was Avi, followed swiftly by their bunk-mate, Keira. "Those poor animated just want a valid answer- are you a total prick or just an average asshole?" They continue, kicking my foot playfully because sometimes their jokes come off as serious.
"The former, but don't tell them that," Bao answers, just as Merrick and Hanson join us.
I resist throwing a pea at him but stop so I don't give our officer another reason to write him up. "I'll have you all know that I'm a pretty stand-up guy."
Kiera snorts. "Say that to Wilfred."
I roll my eyes, then turn around towards the cafeteria line and shout, "Hey, Wilfred! I love you!"
Over the heads of the other recruits, I see it flip me off. The act kind of matches the atmosphere. The cafeteria is a bit chaotic, even during early hours. We were the oldest squad here, Bao being the oldest of all of us at twenty-seven. Kids as young as nine flood the tables and rush to eat before the daily drill.
I turn back to my squad and grin. "You think they'll legalize human-animated marriage before I die heroically on the battlefield?"
Hanson sighs. "What kind of conversation did I just walk into?"
I keep going with it, describing what our wedding would be like, trying to ease the tension I feel in everyone as Second Bell ticks closer. Soon, they're relaxing and laughing along.
"Me and Maria had a beautiful wedding; have I told you?" Bao interrupts, making the whole table grown.
"Yes, Bao." Merrick says. "Extensively."
"Well, you see, we flew to Jamaica, which was a gift from her father because no way in hell could we afford that shit with our salaries...." He drones on.
I've heard this story so many times, I can say it backward. So this gives me the reprieve to zone out of the conversation and disappear into my mind.
I attempt to recall my nightmare from last night, but all I could remember was "run, run, run" and the color blue. So much blue.
A hand waves in front of my face and Hanson breaks my mind's track. "You awake over there?" He laughs.
Bao will tell you thinking is an entire process for me, and I believe he means it as a light hearted insult, but he's right. I need time to sit down and gather everything going on in my head. I've talked to other cognitives, like Merrick, who've agreed. When you are affected by other people's thoughts or emotions, it's hard to figure out what ones are yours.
I scoop up some mashed potatoes and reply, "Yep, doing great" before plopping the food in my mouth as an excuse not to continue. Moments after I stand up to throw my tray away, Second Bell goes off.
"Well." Merrick sighs and runs his hand through his hair, pure exhaustion falling off him like smoke. "Ready for the first day of your life?"
I break the scene of anticipation and nerves by saying, "Try again. Bao already said that."
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