Dear Nobody,

Have you ever lost someone you truly believed you would have for the rest of your life? I'm gonna talk about the two types of this I have experienced. The first is losing someone to death. The second is just losing someone. Having to leave them or them leaving your or just fizzling out of existence.

My first experience with death was when I was in second grade. I woke up and my dad was missing. Upon pestering my mother for information we learned my Papa (granddad) was in the hospital and my dad had driven the two hours to stay by his side. My sister had been in the hospital many times so I didn't think it was a big deal and went to school with that smile that made adults think I was an angel. I played Legos with my one friend and a bunch of guys. I skipped home with the same angel smile only to see my mom and sister crying on the floor. My Papa was dead and I was only six. No more sitting on his lap while he sang 'ol' Suzzana' and tickled me. He wouldn't be at my graduation. He wouldn't sit on the front row of my wedding. He wouldn't be at any more family gatherings. 

His funeral was sad but what happened after was even worse. The family decided that my sister and I lived too far away. We were treated much differently from my cousins. We weren't called to games. When someone else needed to sit down we had to move and sit on the ground no matter their age. My Papa's chair was taken over by my Oma who didn't want anyone sitting on her lap or singing. We weren't considered members of the family.

Onto the second type. There was this person I had known for the majority of my life. We would talk every day. When we were kids we'd play hide and seek around their house. We learned to make Mac 'n Cheese together. They introduced me to the magic of Turkey Hill Lemonade. We were as close as I thought friends could be. Until they decided I was too much work. I spent the majority of the last three years of our friendship trying desperately to change into someone they would find interesting again. I tried to twist myself into the perfect person but nothing was ever enough. I found a friend that liked me for who I was and not the pretzel. I found another old friend who encouraged me to be myself again. Eventually, I snapped at my friend. I was fed up with their treatment. They cut me off fully. 

Having your heart ripped apart when you're already struggling with mental health issues can make you crazy. I thought every day about how the hell I would ever handle not being friends with this person. Eventually, my real friends dragged me out of my self-doubt and self-hatred. They made me realize that I could live without this person no matter how much it might hurt now. 

If you've ever lost someone, don't worry too hard. Someone else comes along. They don't replace that person they just make a new spot for themselves and give to a reason to not think so much on that person.

Thanks for listening,

The WritingEvil

Bad Joke- My doctor claims he's been practicing for thirty years, when will she start doing her job for real?