I was in such a wonderful mood as I hastily did my chores under the heat of the sun, scrubbing the women’s clothes spotless before hanging them on the line and running over to grab the broom so I could fix up the back porch, humming brightly with a smile placed on my lips. There was no reason I should be so happy, my hips still ached from the night before, as my client had been very rough, but I simply ignored it as I danced around the porch and dusted the leaves and dirt away to make it look presentable.

Dai-Li would be returning this night, so I had to finish all my chores early, to give myself time to prepare for him. I had never been so excited, but my heart was soaring at the prospect of him coming back to see me. With double the payment. Surely that meant he planned to lie me down, right?

The last time he came, he paid much more than my normal clients, with pure gold and silver instead of copper and bronze, and all he did was sit with me, talk with me. At the time, it was so unusual and strange that I was afraid of him, speaking with him made me feel even more vulnerable than if he had simply torn aside my clothes to use my body.

Yet I found myself craving more of it, more of him, just sitting at my porch under the moon, talking about everything. I wondered what his favorite food was, what it was like to work for the Lord of the land, what festivals were like, the lighting of the floating lanterns I had only ever seen from a distance. I bet it was beautiful in person.

Through my excitement, I could feel a painful spark of doubt. Perhaps Dai-Li was simply using me, playing with my emotions to lower my guard; but what was the purpose? He was aware that I was a prostitute, it wasn’t like he could weaken my resolve to fuck me when he was already paying for my body and my submission.

There was no reason for him to play me, when he was already getting everything he could want, so why was he spending so much money for the sole purpose of talking to me? He didn’t even try to push me down the last time, all he wanted was to talk, and that’s what he did, and he paid twice the amount any other client ever gave. He left more for a few words than others had for my body.

What did that say about Dai-Li? What did that say about me?

I was still nervous, but my excitement was burning in my chest as well, remembering the way his hazel eyes had watched me, with so much intensity, as if he was looking at a precious jewel and not a dirty whore. Through the years, I had taught myself to be cautious, but with one night, I could feel my caution blowing away.

Because of him. Just for him.

I couldn’t wait to see him.

“Zemin,” Lien-Hua called to me when I was backing away from the last window, admiring my work before turning to the mistress with a bow.

“Madam?”

“You have completed all of your chores, yes?”

“Yes madam.”

“Then go,” she pointed towards my hut, “Get yourself presentable for your client.”

“Yes, thank you,” I set the bucket and rags down and wiped my hands on the front of my robes as I hopped off the porch and ran for my hut, smiling.

The first thing I did was bathe in the refreshing pool of water at the crest of the hills, scrubbing sweet salt and herbs against my bare skin to leave a delicate scent behind that would hopefully be pleasant to Dai-Li, then returned to my hut and rooted out my one good piece of clothing, the silky coral green robes Lien-Hua had gotten me.

When the water was dried from my skin, I pulled my long hair into a bun so it was out of the way, then slipped the robes on, enjoying the soft feeling of the cloth rubbing against my bare skin, tying the sash, and smoothing out the skirts before turning to the dirty mirror hanging within my wardrobe so I could dry and style my hair. Half of the inky black locks remained down, hanging over my back like a wave, while I pulled my bangs up and combed them back before tying them into a tight bun at the back of my head.

I had no hair pins, no ornate hair pieces to finish the look, which had my heart falling in my chest, feeling a sort of agony and loss of an item I have never been allowed to have. Perhaps I would have looked much better with the tassels, gold, and jewels that the other girls wore for their clients, as now I simply looked bland, like an unfinished watercolor painting.

I was lackluster, and suddenly dreaded Dai-Li’s arrival. He would not like me, or what I was wearing, or my sad attempt at making myself presentable and beautiful. There must be something, anything, to put in my hair, to make myself look better, but all I found in my wardrobe was a discarded chopstick and a few silk ribbons.

I utilized what I could, twisting the silk around my bun and tying it off at the end of the wooden stick before pushing it through my bun. It did little to make me appear elegant, it was not ornate or beautiful, it was a sad attempt at trying to impress the one man who ever touched me without the intent to fuck me aimlessly before leaving.

There was nothing more I could do, shutting the wardrobe, and kneeling on my bed to wait for Dai-Li, standing when the sun started to set so I could light the lanterns that hung from the edge of the roof, casting light into my hut and over the porch and the green grass. I was not aware of the soft footsteps that lead around my small home, until I saw the silhouette from the corner of my eyes, jumping in surprise and spinning around to face the intruder.

Dai-Li held his hands up in defense, apology in his eyes, a smile on his face, “Forgive me, I did not intend to scare you.”

I just bowed, my face flushing, “Mister Dai-Li,” I greeted, staying in that position for fear of meeting his eyes, awkwardly playing with the sash at my waist as he stepped up onto the porch, walking up to me and putting a hand under my chin to lift my head up.

His smile was filled with warmth that had my heart melting, “Hello again, Zemin.”

“H-hello.”

“Why are you bowing?” he asked me, taking my shoulders and straightening me, “It isn’t at all necessary,” I just stared at him, entranced, not reacting when he curled a loose lock of hair behind my ear, “You look beautiful.”

I probably seemed far more stunned at his words than I intended, reaching up and pulling my loose hair over my shoulder to play with it, my cheeks burning in embarrassment, “R-really?”

“Of course, and this robe is different from what you were wearing before, better quality.”

“Yes, Lien-Hua bought it for me,” I explained brightly, “I-I am pleased you like it.”

He seemed a little wary when I brought Lien-Hua up, pinching the material and humming before smiling at me again, though the frown returned rapidly as he reached up, pulling the chopstick from my hair, “She buys you a single robe, and nothing for your hair?”

I paled and lifted my hands, touching the ribbons tied around my bun and grasping the chest of my robe, eyes wide, “N-no, I do not mind, what I have is too much already.”

“You don’t believe that,” Dai-Li argued, reaching for the pouch on his belt, “Here, I brought you something.”

“Hn?” my eyes widened when he pulled out a bright red silk cloth with gold thread sewn into rose designs.

Originally, I thought that the handkerchief was the gift, until he unfolded it, and my breath hitched in my throat. Sitting in his palm, secured in the red handkerchief, was a stunning hair pin with jade flowers on the end and glass beads hanging from thin silver chains. I was so shocked, I just stared at the beautiful hair piece, until Dai-Li picked it up and smiled at me.

“May I?”

My blush returned and I nodded, turning around so he could secure the ornament in my hair. I could hear the chime of the glass beads as they clicked together, my heart racing as Dai-Li pulled my hair over my shoulder so it was hanging down my back, then turned me back around and smiled sweetly.

“It fits you perfectly,” he decided, and I lifted my hand up to feel the dangling beads, my eyes burning.

I knew it was not entirely unusual for regular clients to bring gifts for their favorite girls, I could only imagine how many ornaments and robes Lien-Hua owned simply because her clients were obsessed with her. Normally, though, it took a lot longer for a client to start bringing expensive gifts, and Dai-Li had yet to truly sleep with me, so I was surprised.

“Thank you,” I whispered, fighting the tears and stepping into my little hut, turning back to Dai-Li and reaching to untie my sash, figuring that if this man wanted to buy me gifts like this, it was only right to give him my body.

This is what he was paying for.

“Wait,” he hurried towards me and grabbed my hands, pushing them to the side and tightening my sash, to keep the robe on, his hands lingering on my hips as I looked up at him, eyes wide.

“Y-you are paying for this,” I argued, “It is why you came back, for sex.”

“No, not at all,” Dai-Li shook his head, “I just wanted to see you again.”

“But… but you are paying so much, and you brought me this,” I lifted a hand to the ornament in my hair, “Sex is why I am here. Am I…,” I paled, taking a step back and grabbing at the collar off my clothes, looking down, “Am I not attractive enough? I-I am sorry!” I covered my face with both hands, humiliated.

“What?” Dai-Li breathed, and I heard him step closer, his hands taking my shoulders, “That isn’t it! Zemin,” he brushed my hands aside, his hand cupping my cheek, “you are the most beautiful person I have ever met. I just… want this to last. I refuse to force you into sex for the sole reason that it’s your job. I want you to choose it. I do hope one day to sleep with you, but I will not just fuck you like a monster.”

My breathing was already unsteady and rapid, but now my eyes were burning again, and I lifted a trembling hand, touching the back of Dai-Li’s wrist and staring up at him with partially lidded eyes, “Why are you so different?” I asked him, “What do you want from me?”

Dai-Li just looked confused at the question, “Nothing. I just want to know more about you, I want to be able to say I know you better than everyone else. There is no law that says I am forbidden from spending this time with you, is there?” I shook my head, and he smiled, “Then allow me this service,” he started, slowly lowering himself so he was kneeling on my futon, reaching up and holding my hands, “Just sit with me, talk with me, let me get to know you. That is what I am paying for.”

I stared down at him for a long time before slowly kneeling down, leaning against his side and blushing furiously, hiding my cheeks behind my sleeve and looking off to the side as Dai-Li smiled and played with my hair.

“Y-you may ask me questions,” I said softly, and Dai-Li smiled brightly, leaning closer, his hand sliding down my back, his touch making me shiver.

“I was curious, do you keep the money you make, or does the brothel take it?”

“Lien-Hua uses the money for the jìyuàn,” I answered, “For the girls, to buy food and clothes and supplies.”

“But the money is yours,” Dai-Li argued, “You should be free to spend it as you wish. You surely need it, you need warmer clothes, warmer blankets, it’s almost autumn, it will be getting cold soon.”

“No, I am alright,” I argued, “I have spent my entire life out here, almost seventeen winters, and I never had any problems. I was cold, but I am prepared for a few more.”

Dai-Li didn’t look convinced as he stroked my cheek with his thumb, his eyes locked with mine, that same intensity as before making the gold flakes in his hazel eyes seem even brighter and more intense, which had my breath hitching.

After a long moment, he hummed, smiling, “Do you have questions for me?”

I brightened, blurting out, “What do you enjoy most to eat?”

He looked surprised at the question, before he grinned and chuckled a bit, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer, “Dumplings and Peking roasted duck,” he answered, and I stared up at him.

“What are they?”

He frowned, “You have never tried them?”

“No. I like bread,” I answered, “Bread and water.”

“Lien-Hua has never fed you dumplings or duck? Or… normal food like that?”

I felt somewhat confused at the question, “I eat the same each day,” I explained, naming the foods on my fingers, “Bread, water, fruit, always an apple. The same every day, unless I have misdone my chores or upset mistress somehow.”

“What do you eat when that happens?”

“Nothing,” I answered, confused, “I ate yesterday night.”

“Good,” Dai-Li said, “Good,” he seemed to force himself to smile, “Would you ever want to try dumplings?”

I considered it before nodding eagerly, frowning a little, “Lien-Hua cannot know, she may get angry with me.”

“For eating?” he asked skeptically, and I pulled away a little to play with the sash around my waist.

“Sh-she does not like it when I eat too much, or if I eat food she has not prepared. She worries that if I overeat then my figure would expand and clients would find me grotesque, which would make me useless. I…,” I paused, reaching up to pull at my hair, “I am afraid of what she will do to me if I ever became useless, or stopped bringing in the same amount as I am now.”

“Would she hurt you?” Dai-Li asked, looking nervous, and I shrugged, bowing my head.

“I am uncertain. Perhaps. It would not be the first time.”

His arm tightened around me, and I peered up through my eyelashes to see the passive expression on Dai-Li’s face as he glared out the open front of my little hut. Was he getting angry for me? Why? It was a necessary process as a host, to be disciplined to make me more submissive and easy to control.

It sounded bad, but I was fine. I was used to it. This man had no reason to be angry for my sake. There was nothing to be done about it other than to learn how to live with it and adapt in such a way that I would still survive even with the borderline abuse from my own mother.

When Dai-Li was preparing to go, I took a chance and reached out to take his sleeve in my grasp, eyes wide as he turned to regard me, “W-will you return soon?”

He smiled at me, lifting his hand to stroke my cheek, “I will. Tomorrow, and I will bring you another gift. Would that be alright?”

I nodded eagerly, the glass beads chiming, and he chuckled, leaning forward, and placing his lips to my forehead. The motion had my breath hitching in my throat, my heart seizing, but I didn’t pull away, and I simply stood there as he walked off towards the house after setting a pouch of money into my hands.

As usual I took only one coin, before tying the pouch back up, setting it down and kneeling on my bed, carefully pulling the pin from my hair and hiding it in my sash, so that Lien-Hua would not see it and become suspicious, or enraged enough to take it from me.

She could take all the money I had, all my clothes, my freedom, but I would never allow her to take this gift from me. If I am to be allowed anything in this cursed life, I want it to be a million and more nights to just sit with Dai-Li. That is all I want.