[1993/6/13]

[Night-time.]

Sakura entered my room with a soft knock at the door. “A lot better. Not that I think the dirt and grime is a bad look on you. I just prefer the clean version.”

“I should have been more careful. Isn’t it bad for you skin to bathe so often?”

She shrugged “I wouldn’t think it would. But we are only allowed to bathe twice a week so I’ve never really had to question it.” Closing the door behind her she walked over to me “I’m sorry I worried you so much about that thing in the bathhouse.” She began to retie the ribbon around my waist, the one I had attempted to do myself. “Sometimes I forget you’re not a miko and I can’t boss you around like that without an explanation.”

“Even if I was. I wouldn’t let you.” I smiled at her.

Sakura giggled, “Still, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“So are you going to tell me what it was in there?” I asked. Pretending I didn’t know and didn’t hear what I heard was easier than expected. “It nearly scared me to death.”

“It’s for the best when I say this.” Her voice went quiet “you don’t need to know. It’s nothing to be scared of and nothing that could harm you. You know we’ll all protect you.”

“You know.” I was trying to think of a way to ease her troubled mind “it could have been a cat that wandered in by accident.”

“It could have been.” She flipped the green ribbon around and around “they call this shrine home too. And cats are known, tricksters. That Beli-kun is a handful sometimes.”

She was talking about the black cat that had made its home in the rafters in the secondary shrine. It is an old legend around her that Beli-kun is the spirit of the original shrine priest who refused to move on to the afterlife because he needed to protect his shrine. But as sweet as the legend is Beli-kun is a handful. He hides bells all over the places, steals food meant for the spirits and scares kids away by meowing in the offering box – which no one knows how he gets in the thing, to begin with.

I laughed “it was his way of saying I will be with you tonight too.”

Finished she backed away to admire her work “could have a worse person to watch over you.”

We both laughed.

“So are you ready?” Sakura’s voice became serious as she reached out her hand for mine. “Any questions for me?”

I took her hand “do I really have to be locked in the shrine all night and all day.”

“Sadly.” She sighed “you do.”

“Not complaining.” I tried to sound enthusiastic “Well. I am complaining a little bit.”

“At least you have a bed and you’ll have food periodically brought to you.”

“Oh joy. Rice balls.” I couldn’t hide the sarcasm there.

She laughed and pulled me into a hug “I know this sucks. But thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

If only she knew. I knew a lot more than I pretended to know. “As long as I can make everyone happy.”

“And this will!” Sakura opened the door to a miko standing in the dark hallway holding a paper lantern with the kanji for ‘light’ strangely painted on it “it’s going to help more than you know! Mio. I take it you remember Ina?”

The darkness obstructed my view of the girl's face but I assumed Sakura wouldn’t be lying “I do.”

“Ina is going to take you to the court yard. You’ll then go with your father and the two American kids to the Water Goddess Gate.” I nodded already knowing this but not daring to tell her to stop. “I’ll be there to perform the washing ritual and join the group as we walk to the Earth Goddess Gate. You father will perform the ritual of binding.” She looked at me “both rituals need to be performed before the finale. The washing ritual is to clean you of any ill thoughts and the binding is to keep your soul tied to Earth as you sit in the chamber.” I knew all this already I wanted to say. But I just nodded along. “You’ll be lead through the crowd to the chamber where you’ll be required to strip down to your bare robes. Which I assume you have on under there?”

I nodded once more “I didn’t want to have to sit naked. On a rock. In a cold room.”

She laughed “Don’t make the mistake I did.” She gave my hand to Ina “you’ll be required to sit in the room till the morning. Normally, you would leave the room at first light but you’ll be joined by the Americans. You three will spend the day inside till sunset. Then you are free to go.”

“Release the prisoner!” I shouted trying to lighten the air. But no one laughed at my poor joke.

“You’re not a prisoner.” Sakura went quiet “you're a sacrifice.”

I looked at her as a big smile spread across her face “I knew you could still joke.”

She nodded “I still got it. Now Ina if you wouldn’t mind.”

Ina gently pulled me into the darkness of the house “see you soon!” The words came out before I could stop them.

“That you will.”

Why did this feel like a goodbye?

Ina slowly lead me down the darkened hallway. The only light from the lantern which she was swinging around merrily. “Are you excited?” She asked suddenly.

I was taken back for a moment “are you allowed to be talking?”

She shrugged “this is my first time at a ritual. Let alone being a part of it! It’s exciting!”

“Exciting for you. Maybe.”

“Isn’t this your first time being in the ritual.” Ina’s excitement was only adding to this new sensation of lingering doom I felt. “I heard the others talking about it. You’ve lived at the shrine for so long and haven’t been allowed to participate.”

“More like I didn’t want too.” I corrected.

“Why?”

“Questions only lead to undesirable answers,” I said quoting the Miko’s Creed.

“I know.” Ina said still as excited as ever “just curious that’s all. And I know curiosity only leads to resentment. But I don’t think the Goddess will be upset at me for a healthy curiosity.”

Wrong. The faith condemns curiosity. Half the stuff the faith did was in secret and those secrets couldn’t be shared with anyone but a specific people. Very few things were public. Those public things being community rituals and rites with a few ceremonies here and there through the seasons. However, I admired Ina for asking questions and refusing to be silent though I knew she wasn’t given permission to speak to me freely. But Ina is new and despite her demeanor a few years younger than me and the first from her bloodline to be welcomed into the shrine.

“I don’t. Believe in everything the faith teaches.” I said that quiet not knowing how she would react.

She shrugged again “Doesn’t the Goddess teach that some things in the faith are not for everyone.”

“You’ve already read the teachings of the Earth Goddess?” I was impressed.

“I know I had time but I don’t like waiting.” She laughed “Sakura wasn’t happy. Apparently, I should wait till I am a full pledged miko. But even I questioned things. I know questions only lead to undesirable answers.” She was mimicking my voice when she said that “but my family taught me the ways of the Sun Goddess before anything else.”

Which explained why she knew Aikido and were this rebellious nature was coming from.

“People think the Sun Goddess faith is the harshest one. But it taught me how to embrace my nature as a human and protect myself. I grew up so differently than the others even they tell me to cool it with the questions. It’s just the way I am. I can’t change it. The Sun Goddess even forbids changing of one’s self to be accepted. I guess that’s why so many people don’t take to just her faith or don’t associate with us too much. My mom says that is why we lived so far away from the town and I didn’t go to school with the others. It kept me from becoming another person and losing myself.”

“I’ve always admired people who followed the Sun Goddesses teaching.” I wasn’t lying. I was raised in a temple that specialized in the teaching of the Sun, Earth and Water Goddesses respectfully and though I disagreed with some of the things these three Goddess taught people to live a good life.

That seemed to make Ina, even more, happier “me too. I do love all the Gods and Goddess but the Sun Goddess is my true mother. But if you respect them so why not be a part of the rituals?”

“I may respect the faith I do not respect the people.” That came off way too cold.

“That’s understandable.” She said not realizing how cold my tone was “people turn the faith into something it shouldn’t be. They use the words of the Goddesses when it's beneficial to them and then claim to be almighty.” Ina was no wrong “but you can’t blame people. They are ignorant and scared. Most people go their entire lives without hearing from the Goddesses. It makes them feel unworthy and that makes them scared. Their fear makes them do crazy things. Like what happened with that poor boy.” She was talking about the boy the town burned alive. “People do horrible things in the name of the faith in order to protect themselves. We all grew up being told to fear the fae and to fear and respect the Goddesses and Gods. But I think that gets flipped sometimes.” She sighed “when you don’t hear from your beloved creator like someone else you being to secretly question if they exist. And there are so many more things to prove the existence of the fae.”

“I don’t disagree.” Though some of what she was saying seemed a little all-over the place. “but I can’t follow something people use like this.”

“Fear is a powerful thing. It’s what made us join the fae in the first place and leave the embrace of the Goddesses. Fear is the reason some people never get to speak to them and worst of all fear is a disease. It finds a host and that host infects so many others. Like what happened to those who followed the Moon Goddess.”

I wanted to stop her but she continued.