When they finished eating, Tadayoshi kept talking with the woman while Ei heard the twins’ talking about their dream. “I’ll be like out dad. He was a constructor, you see, and he built this house and many others in the area,” the one without scar boasted. His pride for the father was matched by the smile he had. “He was so good even Oda-sama recognized his abilities and hired him to help repairing the city.”

“You lack a man’s dream, little brother,” Scar said, shaking his head in an all-knowing way. “I wanna be a samurai.” He moved his hands around as if holding a sword. Ei laughed, remembering her cousin who used to say the same thing, and even played the way with a stick. “Me, my sword and a hundred enemies in a fight to the death. People fear the war. But one day it’ll come, so instead of living in fear, I say let fight!” He jumped, slashed at invisible foes and then sheathed the invisible sword on his waist with an exaggerated move.

Now that Ei had begun training, even if barely, she could tell how awkward those moves seemed. She smiled and laughed, but hoped Tadayoshi hadn’t noticed her red cheeks. Did I look like that too?

But as the twins kept bickering, her smile vanished and laugh died. I thought like that… Glimpses from earlier crossed her mind; she holding her sword, trembling so much she couldn’t move at all. Though it was only for a heartbeat, it was enough to make her feel smaller and weaker than she already was.

When she chose to follow Tadayoshi, she knew it wouldn’t be easy. She hadn’t wished otherwise. But even in those first nights when only carried their baggage, she imagined herself defeating many enemies just like him. But she never saw herself killing anyone. It was childish, she knew and this morning proved she was nothing but a child dreaming.

Ei thought her determination would be enough to get her through anything, but now the picture she imagined had changed. Now she only saw herself standing before the fallen enemy, her hands trembling too much to do anything. The warrior became a shadow and then stood up, charging at her with a sword, but her mother jumped out of nowhere, the weapon slicing her in half…

“Stop that, you two! “You’re scaring her,” the woman said, bringing Ei back to the inn. She gave Scar a long and hard look and the twins went back to the kitchen. Ei turned to her and nodded her head. “It’s best if you two go sleep now. Mino is farther than it looks. Even if you leave at dawn, you won’t get there before midday.”

“Agree,” Tadayoshi said, yawning.

Ei glanced at him. It was the first time she saw him comfortable around other people.

“Here.” Scar came back holding a tray.

The cups weren’t steaming this time, and Ei only realized it wasn’t tea when he got closer. From the strong smell she could tell the transparent liquid was sake. Though she never drank it, she didn’t care much for it. Every time someone brought back some from the castle, the grownups acted weird. Even her mother.

“As a sorry for earlier,” Scar said, placing the drinks on the table.

“I really don’t know how to thank you for all this kindness,” Tadayoshi accepted the drink, bowing his head again. “I don’t think you can handle,” he added with a smile when Ei made for the cup.

“Hm…” the owner turned from the drink to Ei. “I think there’s some amazake left.” Scar was about to take the cup, but Ei got to it first.

“I’ve drunk before, I can handle,” she lied on impulse. It was true the grownups acted weird, but many times they had more courage and said things they wouldn’t dare if not drunk, like her cousin who confessed to the girl he liked and now was married to her. Maybe I need some of this courage too.

“Are you sure? It may be too strong for you. Best stick with amazake,” Tadayoshi eyed her with his eyebrow raised too much, his smile too sly. “It has a bit of alcohol in it, but even little kids like you can drink it during special occasions,” Tadayoshi answered Ei’s unspoken question, talking down to her.

I already know, she thought cheekily. After the harvest, Dai-jii would make some with part of the left over rice. It had a funny taste that left her lightheaded and with her tongue a bit numb, but since it was the only grownup thing the kids were allowed to do, she and her friends drank it happily. “I can handle,” she said, staring him back without blinking.

Tadayoshi smile. “Then…” he raised his cup and left it hanging in the air, waiting for her.

Ei mimicked him and they clinked their cups lightly. Before she brought to her mouth, she sniffed it. It was just like the same smell the adults had and that alone made her dizzy. Even without drinking, she knew it was indeed too strong for her. But I can’t back down now. Not after what I said…

With everyone watching her, she took a sip. She kept the drink in her mouth for a heartbeat, and then she swallowed it. Her throat burned and she coughed. It had a funny taste. Her mind became hazed, but still she took another sip, coughing less this time. And then another sip, and one more, until the cup was empty. Almost immediately a warmth spread throughout her body and she smiled.

For a moment, everything seemed still and then the room blurred and sleep overwhelmed her. The cup became heavy as her sword. Even raising her eyes to see Tadayoshi was hard.

He looked back at her. He had an empty expression. I thought he’d be making fun of me… When he placed down his cup, Ei realized he hadn’t touched his drink at all. Why, she wondered, looking at his face again.

The last thing Ei saw before her eyes shut against her will was Tadayoshi hard and tense expression. Why are you making that face, she wanted to ask, but she knew there was no way she could fight against sleep this time

With her heart tightening, Ei laid down right there on the table and everything went black.