On cold days, when you dive into the freezing sea, there’s a moment--the smallest part of a second--when the pain of the cold is so intense that it makes you exhale all the air you have left. All you want is to escape and feel something warm, something safe. But there isn’t anything warm and there isn’t anything safe. I feel the same thing right now.

The bidding starts and the auctioneer walks over to me. “Turn to the side please,” he says while directing the camera man to get a full side-shot. He pulls out a measuring tape and wraps it around my chest. “Thirty six chest, twenty eight waist.” He moves to the guy next to me and measures him. The camera man follows and gets close-ups.

I try not to think about who might place a bid on me, or what happens when we’re led out of this room, where we go.

“Turn around please. . . stop . . . turn again. Okay,” He pinches my stomach, gets a measurement.

“Smile,” The Auctioneer says. “No not like that. . . just smile.” But I don’t. Not because I won’t, but I just can’t, I’m trying, but my muscles aren’t listening. The time allowed for this auction comes to the final minutes before closing bids are made. So far I’m bid free. I look at Hiro. He nods.

What does that mean? It’s okay? He’s got this? I’m safe?

”60 seconds” announces the auctioneer. Still no bids.

“30 seconds.”

I look back at Hiro and he nods again. I’m clear. He took care of it for me. I exhale and close my eyes. But it’s too soon, because in the next second I receive a bid.

My chest heaves heavily up and down. I try not to let my eyes water because I know Hiro and Jael are watching, but I can’t help it.

“three,”

I receive more bids, my price climbs.

“Two”

More bids. The analog numbers are flipping rapidly.

“This session is closed.”

The guy next to me is led to the exit. He received a closing bid. I wait for them to come back for me, but they don’t come. Instead I see Hiro. He leads me off the block and back to my platform. I’m mumbling something.

“Stop mumbling. Stand here.” he says.

“I got a bid,” I say and look at him.

“I got you a reserve and it wasn’t met.” He walks away and out of sight.

I want to follow him and say thank you until my lips go numb. My cheeks feel wet. Another two sessions are opened and finished. The Auction House is closed and we’re led out.