After studying him for several tense moments, I sighed heavily whilst looking down, tightening my already crossed arms.

“That’s the question, isn’t it?” I murmured, unable to keep the bitterness out of my overall demeanor. “How the hell is an abomination like me even living right now…?” Shifting my gaze to the large tree to my right, I released a soft but heavy sigh. “I was created to be a monster; the ultimate killing machine; a freak of nature.” The resentment that had built up since the start of this madness had come to a blistering boil within me. I gave vent to a soft scoff as the memories I’d locked away so as not to distract me now resurfaced, clenching my hands around my upper arms in some vain attempt at comfort.

After several tense and silent moments, the realization that I’d just unintentionally spilled a bit of my past dawned on me. That and he hadn’t said a word about any of this. A twinge of fear forced me to return my gaze to his lively brown one. He stood there, rooted to the spot, his eyes large as he stared at me with what looked like incredulity etched into his features. His mouth was agape, revealing sharp canines among his white teeth. Okay… “What?” I managed to ask wearily. 

He looks so silly… I wonder what he’s thinking…?

“It all makes sense now…” He murmured, so quietly it was almost a whisper.

…huh? With immense bewilderment, I turned to fully face him once again. “What?”

He firmly placed both hands on my bare shoulders. His touch was unexpectedly gentle, and it sent a wave of unknown emotion through me as he bent down to get eye level with me. “It all makes sense!” I continued to stare at him in utter confusion. As he continued to peer into my face, his expression softened, his lips forming a half-smile as he raised an eyebrow. “There’s an expression I’m not used to seeing…” My baffled expression remained the same as I continued to stare. “It makes sense, complete sense, to me now.”

The confusion shifted to annoyance as my gaze narrowed into a glare. “What makes complete sense to you now?” I snapped, my hands curling into fists as my arms returned to my sides in frustration. Get on with it! Spit it out!

“Why you’re always so cold and distant.” My annoyance dropped like a stone as my expression went slack. I once again found myself staring wide-eyed up at him. “It explains why you haven’t told me your name yet, and why you’re always trying to keep me at a distance.” He moved his right hand up to my cheek, gently brushing his thumb under my eye. His features were the most caring I’d ever seen, my chest tightening at his eyes and intimate touch. Pressing his forehead to mine, he continued in a voice barely above a whisper while gazing deeply into my eyes, “You’re not a monster, or an abomination. Just because you’ve done bad things doesn’t make you a bad person.”

…You don’t know what you’re talking about…

With a soft exhale, I closed my eyes and stepped away from him, half-turning away. “You’re wrong.” My tone was soft, and for some reason, I suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable. “I AM a monster.”

You don’t know what I’ve done… There’s no going back for me…

He quickly bridged the distance between us, turning me towards him and placing his hands on my shoulders.

“You’re not a monster.”

Whispers began to spread their thread-like fingers from the depths of my mind.

‘You’re not good enough.’ ‘You’re an awful person.’ ‘No one likes you.’

‘No one trusts you.’ ‘You’re just a means to an end.’ ‘You’re just an accessory.’

‘Once they’re finished, they’ll leave you alone again.’

‘No matter what anyone says, or the promises they make, you will always, ALWAYS, end up alone’.

‘You’re a monster.’ ‘You always will be.’

Shut up… Shut up… Shut up…

A mixture of fear, rage and desperation controlled my actions as I ripped free from the young man’s grasp with a vicious snarl, the words spilling from my tainted tongue before I had a chance to realize what it was I was saying. “And how would you know?!”

“I just…know you’re not.” He responded lamely, stunned.

The bold audacity of that statement sent my boiling rage over the edge. By sheer will alone I managed to control it, scoffing instead of yelling. “You don’t even know me! How’s that a compelling argument?!”

“You’re right.” He agreed slowly, visibly appearing as if he were choosing his words carefully. “But… I know you wouldn’t hurt anyone without reason.”

Frustrated, I threw my hands into the air, my voice rising along with them. “I’ve killed hundreds, if not thousands of people!!”

He visibly hesitated, studying me with worry etched into his features. My mind raged as I stood there glaring at him. 

He has no fucking idea what he’s talking about! Nothing he’s saying makes sense!

All of the fear and pain I’d suppressed now whirled around in a massive maelstrom inside. The young man’s expression changed from troubled to gently stern as he took a single firm step forward, resulting in my fear to skyrocket.

“That may be true. And, you’re right. I don’t know you. But, are you not the same woman who paid for reparations to an Inn for minor damages? Or the same woman who went out of her way to help that girl from being harassed by those men? Or the same woman who successfully saved three children AND an infant from a scorching inferno?” His words hung heavy in the morning air as he held eye contact. With a soft exhale, he motioned towards me. “You may have done horrible, unspeakable things, but, I refuse to believe that you’re a monster. A monster wouldn’t have done those things. It’s the small decisions you make that truly define you.”

When he had begun to speak, my fear had led me to cross my arms once again. Now, I held my upper arms, a self-embrace, as he continued. Unable to keep eye contact any longer now that he’d finished, I glanced away. The resolution and determination in his eyes were too strong for me to handle. The storm within had quieted, now nothing more than a whisper in the former shell of my body. Despite the hollowness that echoed within my core, the dam I’d built to hold everything back now threatened to overflow.

…

We stood there in the heavy silence for what felt like hours. The young man continued to survey me, and I remained incapable of meeting his gaze. Hesitantly, he took a single step forward. When nothing happened, he carefully walked up to me.

“I may not know everything you’ve been through, or have any idea what you may have done… But, I want you to know that you can trust me.”

His gentle words drew my focus to him. …He looks so vulnerable…

He placed a hand to his chest. “I swear that I’ll never betray you. You can trust me.” He smiled a careful, but genuine smile. “I trust you.”

‘You’re not good enough.’ ‘No one trusts you.’ ‘No one ever will.’

‘You’re just a means to an end.’ ‘…just an accessory…’ ‘…monster…’

After several moments of silently surveying him, I released a heavy sigh before turning my back to him. “Help me with the corset. We’re running late…” I murmured, my voice thick as I tried to control my emotions.