“I have something to tell you. Please don’t be mad.”

I twisted the cord of the kitchen phone around my non dominant hand anxiously. Her voice trembled on the other end. I already knew what she was about to say. My worst nightmare was coming true.

“I was hanging out with…” her voice trailed off.

I swallowed hard. I knew exactly who she was talking about. I could feel the heat rising up my neck. I gritted my teeth. “What did you do?” 

She didn’t respond. All I could hear was her nervous breath.

I repeated myself, unable to hide the anger in my voice. “What did you do with him? Did you fuck him?”

“No!” Her voice was shrill. The tears had begun. “We...we just...kissed. I couldn’t help it.”

I gripped the phone until my knuckles went pale. “You kissed him? Are you serious?”

I took her silence to mean she was being serious. I paced back and forth as much as the cord would allow me. “I told you I didn’t like you hanging out with him so much. You promised me. You swore it was nothing to worry about. You kissed him!”

“Please! Don’t be mad!”

I bit my lip. I didn’t want to yell at her. Not like this. I didn’t want to be this sad loser. I had been uneasy weeks ago when she had started spending so much time with my best friend while I was grounded for the entire summer. I had tried so hard to not be jealous, but that sick feeling in my gut had been dead on. This was my fear coming to life.

“It’ll be ok.” My voice came out shaky so I cleared my throat before continuing. “We can get past this. I forgive you. Just please, don’t do it again.”

She cried even harder. I was confused. I had just said I forgave her. I thought maybe she hadn’t heard everything I said so I repeated it a little louder and clearer.

“No. We...can’t...I wanna break up. I’m sorry.”

I slammed my back hard against the cabinets and slumped to the floor. “What?” This time my voice was shrill. I couldn’t control the distress seeping out of my words. “No! Please? We can just forget this happened, can’t we?”

“I can’t...you deserve better than me.”

I inhaled deeply fighting the tears. “Please. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t care what happened. I love you. You love me too right?”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I have to go.”

With that the line went dead. I dropped the phone back down onto the receiver. The tears streamed down my cheeks as I hugged my legs to my chest. I cried in the kitchen floor until my mom came home. I wouldn’t say what happened.