[You have been added to a group chat]

King: Everyone’s presence is required at the nest, stat.

Ape has left the group

Dobi has left the group

Crow has left the group

Jack: Tough crowd huh King? Maybe you shoulda used a shitty poem?

King has left the group

Mouse: Jacky-buns, can you bring me some Pocky? :3

Jack: What do I get out of it?

Mouse: Well, I won’t train my pet rats to gnaw your dick off <3

Jack: Ah fuck. Okay, okay.

Jack has left the group

Mouse has left the group

[End group chat]

* * * * *

Jack kicked open the rusted door of an abandoned warehouse and walked towards a hidden elevator located between two retired tow-trucks. The rabbit pressed a hidden button and heard machinery beneath his feet creak and groan as the pulley system sprung awake. As the elevator descended, he glanced around nervously at the sound of critters scrambling just out of sight. Mouse’s rodents were always running around somewhere near.

The elevator carried Jack to a cavern below where a large man-made room had been carved into stone, housing a makeshift computer network, a small kitchenette with a coffee machine, and an oval vinyl table where his comrades sat patiently arriving his arrival.

“Hey you guys can cheer up, the life of the party is here now,” the young man in the rabbit mask jested as he walked up to the vinyl table. A woman wearing an olive trench coat and a jackal mask with straight black hair scoffed as she averted her gaze from the tardy rabbit. Sitting next to her was a man with shoulders broader than a truck wearing an ape mask and a charcoal suit that hardly contained his muscles. At the head of the table was an older man wearing a white mask that covered the top portion of his face, leaving two apple shaped cheeks and a gray handlebar mustache poking out from underneath. Opposite from the ape, a petite girl in a pink, Lolita styled dress with curly, blonde pigtails and the mask of a mouse sat with her hands rested under her chin. Beside the frilly mouse, a person wearing a black suit and tie and the mask of a crow sat still with their arms crossed.

“You’re always a sight for sore eyes, Dobi,” the rabbit said to the jackal as he winked under his mask and sat next to Crow.

“Um, aren’t you forgetting something?” Mouse said as she thrust her gloved arm in front of Crow’s face, leaving an open palm in Jack’s direction. Crow continued to sit in silence with arms crossed while Jack pulled a box of Pocky from his pocket and handed it to Mouse. Ape grunted in Mouse’s general direction as she opened the box of Pocky signaling for her to throw him a few sticks.

“Enough with the snacks, we have matters to discuss,” declared the older gentleman at the head of the table. His mustache began to twitch in mild frustration as he tried to rally the agents.

“Okay, but after the meeting I think Dobi and I should do the ‘Pocky Challenge,’” Jack said mischievously. Dobi slapped her hands on the table, but before she could respond, Crow calmly uncrossed their arms and placed a palm on the back of Jack’s head, slamming his face into the table. Jack groaned in protest as the top of his mask began to crack.

“Please continue King,” a monotone voice leaked from the beak of Crow’s mask.

King nodded in Crow’s direction then cleared his throat, “As you know, the local law enforcement has been trying to crack down on our agency’s business. They’ve been trying, although unsuccessfully, to track our movements.”

“Except for the time Jack led those officers right to our old hideout. Now we’re stuck in a bat cave,” Dobi’s thick accent interjected in frustration. Jack pretended to stare at the ceiling while whistling a random tune.

King cleared his throat again, only louder this time, “Yes, aside from that particular incident. Anyways, one of our informants has alerted us of the arrival of some particularly troublesome FBI agents. The rising suicide rate of this city has been causing problems for they mayor’s reelection campaign, so I’m sure he’s more adamant now to shut us down. We need to be more vigilant than ever and continue to follow proper protocols.”

“Well it’s too bad we don’t have any loyal clients ya know…since they keep offing themselves,” Jack chuckled in response.

“I’d like all of you to keep your eyes peeled for any suspicious behavior. Please do your homework thoroughly when meeting with potential clients. Our informants will continue to monitor this headache of a situation,” King continued, “If you think someone is tailing you, tread lightly. And for God’s sake Jackrabbit, try not to attract so much attention.”

Jack shrugged, “Well it’s not my fault I tend to get the expressive clients. Do you want another ‘silent-killer’ expert like Crow?”

Crow snorted in amusement, “I’m an expert in all matters of death. Your ‘expertise’ is hardly needed.”

“You’re awfully cheeky today,” Jack chided while placing a hand near Crow’s thigh, “By the way, I’ve always wanted to ask – what are you packin’?”

Two glowing, violet eyes peered at Jack from behind Crow’s black mask, radiating an aura of murderous intent. For a moment, the air in the stuffy underground cave began to thicken with intensity as the other agents stirred with discomfort.

Jack pulled back and snickered nervously, “Okaaaay Edgar Allen Poe, my bad.”

A fattened, brown rat in a small tuxedo hopped onto the oval table near Mouse carrying a small pink paper. Ape let out a hearty laugh at the vision of the ridiculous rat. Oddly enough, he was a sucker for cute things just like Mouse.

Mouse retrieved the paper from the rat and sprung up from her seat, reminding everyone how short she actually was. She cleared her throat in a manner suspiciously remnant of King and looked over the contents of the paper.

“Ah, due to a rise in local unemployment and an increasing lack of funding for rehabilitation services, suicide rates in this city and surrounding counties are expected to grow at least 2.3% over the next calendar year!” Mouse exclaimed while retrieving a hidden confetti popper from her petticoat and setting it off. Particles of glitter and shreds of multi-colored paper landed in Crow’s short, black hair and King’s gray mustache, causing the older man to sneeze a cloud of sparkles everywhere.

A thick arm mysteriously shot up from behind the makeshift computer network exposing a thumbs-up gesture towards Mouse’s general direction to confirm the accuracy of the data. The sudden appearance of a phantom stranger hidden behind a series of widescreen monitors caused Jack to jump in his seat.

“Yes, that’s very lovely Mouse. Now, unless there’s anything else, I’ll leave you agents to your own devices. Remember to be careful, and please contact HQ the second anything suspicious happens,” King stated as he rubbed his nose with a white handkerchief.

Ape, Dobi and Jack stood up from the table, ready to carry on with their own business as they filed around the rickety elevator to leave. Dobi cautiously placed Ape between herself and Jack so he wouldn’t pinch her butt (again) as Jack ran his fingers across the new crack in the head of his mask. An exaggerated sigh left his lips as the agents stepped onto the lift.

Crow hung back with Mouse as King grabbed three glasses from the small kitchenette and filled them with bourbon from an antique flask hidden in his suit. He placed the glasses on the oval table as he sat and twisted his mustache in his fingers. Crow lifted their mask ever so slightly, revealing a thin scar stretching from their lips to the bottom of their chin and took a long swig from the glass of bourbon. It was smooth with the perfect balance of oak and smokiness.

Mouse used an eyedropper to retrieve a small amount of bourbon and fed it to her tuxedo-clad rat before lifting her own mask and taking a small sip. A sliver of Mouse’s face appeared from beneath her mask as well, revealing a mouth contorted into a permanent smile from a chemical burn. She licked her lips and made an mmm sound as she processed the flavor.

“Are you even old enough for that?” Crow asked, instantly aware that they did not care to hear the answer.

“Pfft, I’m probably older than you, little Crow.”

King sighed and loosened the cravat around his neck, “I need a situation handled promptly,” he spoke in a disconsolate manner, “One of our informants slipped up. He’s being tailed by these new FBI agents as we speak.”

King sipped his bourbon, rolling the liquid around his tongue and closed his eyes, savoring the taste of his favorite poison. Crow tapped their own glass of bourbon while Mouse stroked her pet rat.

“This particular informant has sensitive information pertaining to The Assistance Agency. Much to my chagrin, he’s been used in the past to collect personal information as collateral against reckless agents. In other words, he’s got a bit of dirt on all of us.”

Crow stopped tapping their glass of bourbon and Mouse smirked under her mask. The implications of such an informant being caught by the FBI was quite obvious.

Mouse turned towards Crow, “Rock, Paper, and Scissors you for this one?”

Crow's eyebrows rose in amusement beneath their mask, “Sure.”

King stood up from the table and brushed the wrinkles out of his clothes, “Do whatever you need to, just make sure it’s done quickly and discreetly. Failure will not be tolerated.”

King left the two agents to their own devices as he placed a dark dress hat on his wavy, silver hair and walked towards the exit. Without turning around to see whether Crow or Mouse was the victor, the old gentleman got onto the rickety elevator and left the cavern.