April 2013 - Fourth Grade

“Make sure to stay with your buddy! Don’t get lost!” their teacher called out from the front of the line.

Their class was on a trip to the local carnival that comes to the outskirts of the town every Spring. This was the first time Ava had been to the carnival, however. The field was full of people, stands, small rides. and bright colors. She would have appreciated the beauty of it if it didn’t hurt her eyes so much.

“Can we play this one?” Finn asks, pointing to a game in which you have to pop a water balloon by squirting water into it with a water gun.

“Alright. Whoever wants to play this one, line up” the teacher says. Finn, Dylan Cruz (she keeps her eyes away from him) and couple more children line up to play the game. Ava stands on the side and watches.

Her classmates cheer as the game begins. Finn was ahead of the rest of the kids playing the game. Unsurprisingly, his balloon was the first to pop. The class crowded around him. Dylan huffed in annoyance.

“Wow! You’re really good! How’d you do that?” a girl asked him. Finn shrugged. “I’ve played these a lot” he answered as he looked at the prizes.

She noticed that he didn’t mention that it was really because he plays video games so much and smiled a little.

“Alright, everyone! Let’s go!” The teacher calls. Ava looks over and the class is already somewhat ahead. She speeds up to catch up to them, but she couldn’t see Finn. He must be in the front.

They got to a large bouncy house. The class excitedly cheered. She covered her ears from the noise. Everyone began taking off their shoes and rushed to the bouncy house. She wanted to join. It looked fun. But she couldn’t get her legs to move. She didn’t feel right joining everyone else.

“Ava?” a voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked up at Finn.

“You coming?” he asked. He was holding an average sized panda stuffed animal in his arms.

“Y-yeah” she responds, walking with him to the entrance of the bouncy house. The bouncy house was full of her classmates, laughing and screaming. The noises hurt her head. She could hear everyone’s individual voice and it all got jumbled up in her head and confused. Within a few seconds, she was sitting on the floor of the establishment (kind of. It was a bouncy house) covering her ears and softly saying, “stop, shut up” over and over.

“Hey, are you ok?” Finn asked, unsteadily walking over to her. She shook her head rapidly. He softly gripped her arm and lead her out of the bouncy house.

Finn explained to their teacher that Ava wasn't feeling well and she let us hang by a nearby bench. The two of them munched on the corn dogs that the chaperones had bought for later as they sat side by side in silence. Finn looked like he wanted to say something, but words couldn’t come to his head. She didn’t blame him. She wouldn’t know what to say either.

“Um… Do you want the panda?” he asked, awkwardly handing the stuffed panda to her. She looked at it for a few seconds before shaking her head.

“You won it. Don’t you wanna add it to your collection?” she responded. Finn’s face went red, even though she was sincere.

“Don’t tease me about it…” he muttered, looking down.

“I’m not” she answers.

“Sure.”

“Really, I’m not” she insisted. He smiled a little, hugging the panda to his chest.

“If you say so.”

~~~

Ava’s nanny picked her up, much to Ava’s dismay. Ava’s mother always drove at the exact speed limit, without switching lanes on highways very often, which seemed to be the correct way to drive. It made sense, after all. Aria did none of that, however.

“That’s not how you drive,” Ava told her nanny the first time she came instead of her mother.

“What are you talking about, Ava?” she had asked in confusion. Ava explained the way she thought to be the right way to drive.

“Well, it’s not… wrong, technically. But it’s annoying” Aria tried to explain. Ava got slightly frustrated.

“But it’s the right way” she insisted, raising her voice. Aria sighed.

“Whatever you say, Ava” she muttered. She didn’t change the way she drove, however. Ava reminded her a couple of times afterward, but Aria just sighed and shook her head. Ava got the hint that Aria wasn’t going to listen to her and stopped asking, but it still annoyed her. It was the only reason she prefers her mother picking her up.

When they got home, Ava notices a couple of letters on the coffee table. On the bottom, there were a couple of postcards. She picked them up. They were both from her dad. One of was for her mother, the other for her.

‘Greetings from China!’ she translated from the front of the postcard with some difficulty. Her ability to read Mandarin wasn’t that good.

Ava, how are you, my dear little girl? I hope you’re good. China is great. I hope I can bring you and your mother again one day.

Also, I hope you’re not mad at me for some reason. You haven’t written back to my last postcard.

-Love, Dad

She wasn’t mad at him. It just hadn’t crossed her mind that she should write back to him. She would do that later.

She glanced at the other postcard. She noticed the words, Please be nicer to her, she’s your daughter, too.

Is that really something you have to tell someone? she thought to herself. Either way, she didn’t care. She accepted that no matter how much she wanted to have her mother’s love, she was never going to get it.

Or at least, she hoped that she accepted that.