Warning: This entry contains graphic language
I've always known I was gay, but I didn't really accept it until I was 13, when Matthew Shepard was killed. I remember my father saying, "Those boys went easy on him, I would of set his faggot ass on fire." My father had never said anything like that before and instead of telling him right then and there, I was a coward and agreed with him.
I felt terrible... this young man was tortured and killed for being just like me, and I felt awful for celebrating his death out of fear of what my dad would say/do. Every time the new talked about him, his parents, the men who did it, I would begin crying. My mom became concerned and asked if I wanted to talk. I crumbled. She thought I was just upset over how he died and when I said, "Not how, why," she stiffened and asked what I meant. I told her I was gay and she (in shock I guess) said nothing and left the room. My father asked me to talk with him a few hours later, and I was already prepared to get kicked out.
We sat outside on the deck and he immediately begins crying. Apologizing for what he said about gays and Matthew Shepard. He told me how he loved me so much and his biggest fear is that someone would hurt or kill me for being gay. He said nothing would ever make him not love me and that I should be open and honest, for Matthew. 48 hours prior, he didn't care about a death on the Wyoming prairie. Now, he was telling me to be proud of myself, to stand up and fight for myself and my community, to be happy with myself.
My mother (old world Polish) isn't really ok with it nor is she against it. She doesn't talk about it or acknowledge it. Thirteen years later, my father is still my biggest supporter. In a way, he got the son he always wanted. We fix cars, fish, go hunting, are fanatics about Chicago sports and talk about women and how they drive you nuts. He's active in PFLAG and the HRC, which is something I never expected.
Thank you for listening to my story. I know it is in no way the norm, and I am extremely lucky to have a father who loves and supports me. To those of you who have had to struggle just to find a shred of acceptance, someone out there loves you. We probably will never meet, but that doesn't matter. You are wonderful exactly how you are, and don't think for one second this world would be better without you in it.
u/[deleted] May 16, 2011, 4:57 AM From Reddit.com
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