Book. This is book.

Sorry, let’s try that again, *ahem:

READS FOR YOU FUN TIME YES.

Nah, that doesn’t work either. I must apologize for my gibberish. See, I’m that awkward guy, but less so than his best friends. I’m the kind of guy who people deam awkward for trying to go around and speed-meet as many people as possible. I’m the kind of guy who’s sitting in a different position every time you look at him. I’m the kind of guy who whips out his Limited Edition Crimson Pokémon X and Y Nintendo 3DS XL to play Kid Icarus: Uprising with Apple earbuds on after just completing a time consuming mathematics quadratics quizzical [insert desperate gasp for air]. But above all, most people see me as just another guy. But I am. Am I? I don’t even know. Explosive diahrrea. There, less deep. See, that’s my problem; I just can’t be serious for more than like ten seconds, tops. Probably because of my small attention spa- Mr. Blitch is an old coot. See, right now, it’s 8:06 AM, Thursday, May 15th, 2014. Maybe you’re reading this in the year 2050, when there’s flying cars like the ones in Back to the Future, which was set in 2015 - that’s BS. Maybe you’re reading this in 2016 and your name is Bruce or something. Is it Bruce? I’m watching you, Bruce. Anyways, I’m 14, born June 26, 1999, and I’m a freshman in high school at Denver School of the Arts (I sing, kapeesh?). So Mr. Blitch, proffesional geezer, is showing us some video about the Earth under threat. Is the world dying in your time, Bruce? If so, why the deuce are you reading a book? Whatever. My history teacher, that son of a Blitch, probably only teaches history because he experienced the lot of it. See, I won’t judge whatever it is he did with his life, but what I will do is talk about what I’m gonna do with mine. I’m gonna become a proffesional voice actor. I love cartoons, writing is fun, too, maybe I’ll do something with that? Nah, no one just becomes an author or writer - right? Whatever I do, I want to make people laugh. I like jokes, especially puns. What did the old man say to the noisy tennis players?

STOP THAT RACKET!

Okay, next chapter.