Darkness consumed almost every inch of my vison, the only light was the slit through the closet.

There was a empty room ahead of me and the single rocking chair in the middle. Ever so slowly it went back and forth, creaking with movement. I hear her fingers on the arm rest go tap, tap, tap; matching my heart beat. Every tap, every beat.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

She wanted me. It was well past my time for the daily sow. She was hovering over me with the creaking and rocking of  the chair. I was trying so hard not to yell stop. To just forgive me.

If I did that I'd be foolish.

Instead, I remain cramped up in this small, dark place. Confined to my silence. I wouldn't dare move a finger, or a toe.

As I watched , I saw her finger stop, and with that my heart stopped. Warm, tender dread crawled up my spine, hugging me tight, whispering in my ear. It was as if her hand cupped my heart, and ran her long sharp nails across, over and over. Leaving many, many, bruises and cuts.

Mother.

She walked off, her long robe, trailing behind her. The wood cried with every step she made. Until she disappeared, but my worries did not.

I let out a well held breath, pressing my head against the cool back of the closet.  My head was throbbing with fear. My fingers couldn't even keep still as the dread never left my bones. Never left my heart, but it was some sort of peace. Little as it may be it soothed me. But when you're blind before, you can ever so be easily blind again.

My hair was snatched, face pulled and slammed into the door. I felt my teeth loosen and herd even a small crack. My body was dragged and I screamed and kicked as much as possible. I felt those nails digging in my scalp. The taste of blood in my mouth, chocking and making me remember the first time of being sowed.  As soon as I felt release, my face dropped hard onto the wood floor with a thud.

The screaming pain of my mouth, scalp, and nose hurt so bad. I could barely lift my body to push myself up. My bones were weak and malnourished from lack of food and nutrition.

Before I knew it a hand reached under my arm and pulled me up right, and I found my sloggy balance. I lifted my head to look at her and be for I knew what hit me she sent a blow to my face. Her slap was hard and my cheek stung with pain as I was spun around and knocked to floor once again.

Mother.

She didn't utter a single word before she dragged me by my hair once more, I screamed and kicked, but with little muscle and weight, I was nothing. She dragged me into the dark part of the house, where the light was dim and the darkness sung it's sweet melody. Where I was brought to the first time, to be silenced.

If you had to loose one of your senses...what would you pick? Every one of them is important. Correct? Even loosing one is terrible, because then you feel one less connected to the world. A part of you is disconnected from the world.

Forver.

The thing is a mother knows what's best for her child and she knew witch sense to get rid of. Oh the happiness this was about to bring her.

She picked my feather of a body up, plopping me in that same chair. She bound my arms, feet and then...my head. The clamp around my neck was so tight I had to calm myself to breath.

Funny, there was that one flickering light that seemed to be in every situation like these. It was saying hello, telling me things.

"The fun is about to start," it said. "She has a special thing in store for you. Oh yes, yes yes, very special."

The light stilled, stopped flickering, the light that illuminated the darkness. The light that makes you feel safe in the dark, it never made you safe. Darkness hides you, it makes you not seen to the things that wanna touch you. Things that wanna hold you, whisper things to captivate you. Oh but  the light.  It watches you. Shows you. There you are, clear as day. It's because you had the light on, that they find you in the dark.

"Yes. Have fun," it said.

As it's voice faded and I was brought back to her, she grabbed hold of my head, steadying it between two bars so tight it felt like it would crush my head. My neck length hair was pressed against the sides of my face making it very itchy and uncomfortable for me. Not that I was comfortable in the beginning.

She leaned down to eye level, her eyes staring into my soul, holding my soul with gentleness so painful I wanted to die. Death would be mercy and she never gave mercy. She opened her mouth and worded something that looks like "have fun" followed by my name, and even though it was hard to understand I peiced it together.  "Have fun Taylor."

She never spoke. Just watched and pointed and mouthed. I never herd that sweet melody of a voice ever since that day. Oh that day, the day She became this. The day my father and sibling were killed. I'm sure you  can guess who did it, but why. Why'd you do it? That answer was kept hidden and that's another tale to tell.

Right now we are here and right now she took a sense.

With her strong grip she pressed my head back hard, I couldn't move at all, then her other hand fished for something as I herd metal being moved.

Then it stopped.

Then I saw.

It was a dull, thin hook. She brung it close, and my body lost it.

Mother.

Mother.

Mother.

She put the hook under my eyelid,  then pulled up, forcing me to never close my eye. She hooked the hook to a hanging metal above and walked away.

My eye began to burn from the constant air, I couldn't blink and I felt the dryness began. It burned and burned.

Have you ever been in a no blinking contest as a kid, and how you tried so hard to keep your eyes open, but it ended up burning. Try it right now, try as long as you can. Not long right? Imagine being forced to never close it and that feeling staying.

My eye began to water from the pain and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't blink. I was helpless.

She came back with cloth, running her aged fingers along my cheek and then shoving it deep in my mouth. I could spit it out and I couldn't make a sound.

I couldn't scream for what happened next.

I watched her walk over to a tray of metal and I watched her grab a spoon.  Oh yes, for whoever is reading this, your worst cringy fear is coming alive.

The scoop.

She hovered it in front of  my forced opened eye as I tried to shake my head but couldn't. U desperately breathed thought my nose and my other eye blinked rapidly. I tried to shake and free my bound body but I knew. Oh I knew I could get free. I knew that flickering light was laughing at me.

Have fun.

Have fun.

Oh it echoed so loud in my head.

Have fun Taylor.

Then she plunged.

I let out the loudest muffle scream, my body moving rapidly trying so hard to get free like I could but all I looked like I was doing was trembling as the spoon sinked deeper in my eyepressing on nerves and parts I didn't know but felt. I wanted to die and rip from the the inside out. I felt the blood trailing, spilling out caking the side of my face.

Oh the pain, my vision fading the pain running through every nerve and cell. Every inch of my skinny body. I was weak and in pain and the scooping continued till I felt the disconnect. Till I only saw on one side and dark on the other, till I saw my eye and the long trail behind it on a spoon of covered blood. So so deep red.

The aching pain and the blood spilling didn't led up. The horror of what I saw. The horror of part of my sense of sight forver gone.

Did you hope this was the end. No it's not.

She made me clean it up.

She yanked out the cloth and shoved the spoon in my mouth, I let out a instant gagged but she covered my mouth so hard I couldn't push it out. With her free hand she plugged my nose.

The slimyness of the eye and the metallic tatse of blood in my mouth made me gag and want to throw up. But I couldn't breath and I only had one way out.

I chewed and swallowed.

Then her hand released and I gasped for air But The hair was so thick with blood that's all I smelled and tasted.

It's okay. I still love you mother.